In Beauty And The Beast, Beast Wins The Fetish Lottery
The story of Beauty And The Beast involves a curse that turns a vain prince into a hideous monster and his servants into flatware. The only way to break the curse is for someone to fall in love with said prince, which seems unlikely because he's now a monster, as we mentioned, and his seduction method is mostly kidnapping.
In the end, of course, Belle falls in love with Beast anyway, and the curse is lifted. But is this sending the message that someone's true beauty is a combination of their motives and personality, or did this monster get lucky and meet the one woman who doesn't mind dating a gorilla-bear (who is also sort of a jerk)? We should also talk about Gaston, because he's caught up in this unlikely romance too ...
Walt Disney PicturesThat girl on the left is THIRSTY.
See, all the women in the village are crazy about Gaston's good looks and athletic superiority. None of them care that his personality sucks ... except Belle. She's not into him at all, because she values "inner beauty" and recognizes that Gaston is a pompous prick. Which means the main character already learned the movie's lesson before the movie even started.
In the end, nobody really learned to value "inner beauty." The prince had repented years ago, and Beast didn't need to teach Belle to see past the superficial because she already did that back at home, in her village of non-sentient forks. This is nothing but a story about a magical jerk getting very lucky when he finds the one girl within a thousand miles with a were-buffalo fetish.
Walt Disney PicturesBut that’s OK; we're not here to kinkshame.
La La Land Proves Your Dreams Will Come True ... As Long As A Perfect Opportunity Comes Along Right After You Quit
La La Land is the latest and possibly jazziest entry in the "Emma Stone And Ryan Gosling Didn't Get Along At First But Now They're In Love" film series. The plot follows the pair as they attempt to pursue their creative dreams with nothing but determination, remarkable good looks, and unmatched raw talent. The entire message of the film centers around the notion that with a bit of perseverance and sacrifice, dreams can come true. Which, again, would be more convincing if this was a movie about extremely determined ugly people who also sucked. Instead, the movie shows us that Emma is a naturally talented actress whose abilities are simply squandered in a bunch of lousy auditions.