5 Ridiculous (But Serious) Ways Humans Are Destroying Earth

We all joke about how glitter gets everywhere, but it truly does get everywhere. It's made of microplastics, bits of plastic that have a nasty habit of finding their way into the environment. Worst of all is when they end up in the ocean, where these shiny little flecks quickly get eaten by fish and other marine life. That's not only bad news for fish, but also for eaters of fish -- like people, or birds, which can then die of starvation because they can't digest the large disco ball of misery forming inside their stomachs.

marrio31/iStock"I don't need your help to get all shimmery and fabulous. I do that my damn self."

One study found that these kinds of plastics were present in the bellies of a third of all fish caught in the English Channel. But while we should be wary of the kind glitter that winds up on birthday cards and then every item of clothing you've ever worn, it's the microbeads that make our cosmetics and shower gels look extra fancy that are the real bad stuff. In the UK, a mass revolt is happening against the sparkly evil that is glitter. A whole slew of preschools there began banning the stuff recently, which touched off a movement that stretched as far as New Zealand. And now the government is set on banning plastic microbeads altogether this year. In response, some companies have already started switching to non-plastic glitters like "starched-based lusters," which sounds less like a cosmetic product and more like the kind of bait you'd use to trap hungry ravers.

Now, as long as you properly bury or cremate it, wild animals can't get to your beloved pet's remains. But if you're like most people and have never dug a grave in your life, you likely won't dig deep enough (it should be at least four feet). As a result, wild animals won't have a lot of trouble digging through and picking out their favorite pieces of your furry companion. Regrettably, leaving euthanized animals exposed like that has caused so many calamities that it has started requiring some policy enactments. Some states have changed how often landfills are being covered, while others require that a dead animal be disposed of within a day, i.e. zombie rules. But veterinarians suggest that burning the contaminated carcass is still the safest way. As long as it isn't a barbecue, of course.

During the '90s, a new pain-relieving drug was used to treat cattle, Diclofenac. In humans and cows, Diclofenac acts as a pain reliever, but to vultures it's straight up poison, causing acute kidney failure and death. So if a cow died while under medical care, there would still be enough of the drug in its system to poison the vultures. Again, these are creatures that vomit acid and experience botulism as if it's mild indigestion. So for goodness sake, people, read the labels on your pill bottles carefully.

It was only in the early 2000s that scientists figured out the cause, and Diclofenac was banned in Nepal, India, and Pakistan in 2006. However, by then, the damage had already been done, and the region had lost 95 percent of its vulture population. It was the first case of ecological harm caused by a pharmaceutical drug, and like with any drug, it had some pretty weird side effects. As vulture populations dwindled, hordes of rabid dogs started roaming the countryside. It even changed a native people, the Parsis of India, who could no longer uphold their ancient Zoroastrian custom of leaving corpses to be cleaned up by nature because the bodies were piling up everywhere.

Fortunately, since then, wildlife conservationists stepped in. Though they've had to do things like erect "vulture restaurants" so that the birds have a safe place to eat. Imagine the smell ...

With people and clinics flushing medicine down the toilets, scientists became worried about what this cocktail could do to marine life. To see what would happen, they dosed a bunch of Oregon shore crabs with Prozac. When the supposed antidepressant kicked in, the crabs starting acting very ballsy, scouring for food during the time of day when they should be hiding from predators. They also started fighting other members of their species out of sheer aggression. We might as well be pouring bottles of Jagermeister into the sea.

GarysFRP/iStock"WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME!"

Frogs aren't safe from our pill-popping, either. Human birth control usually contains estrogen, which can pass through a woman's body sometimes unadulterated. Once that hormone seeps into the waterways, it's been known to lower the number of frog babies. But the affected aren't the female frogs -- it's the frog fellows who are taking the brunt of the birth control. An increase in estrogen caused a lot fewer "advertisement calls" and a decrease in their horny toad levels, leading to less mating. Estrogen in the water turning frog boys into lazy shy guys who can't talk to girls? Who conducted this study, a 4chan board?

Finally, in our quest to lead more comfortable lives through pharmaceutics, we're giving fish vaginas! Well, not quite, but metformin, a drug used to treat type II diabetes, has been found to make guy fish develop female organs, and even cause them to lay eggs. It's amazing to think that of all the things we flush into the ocean, our shit is the least horrifying.

Justin helps out with Delmarva Groove, a streaming radio station where you can find your new favorite artist. Every Friday night at 8 p.m. Eastern Time! Follow him on Twitter here.

We're not gonna recommend dying your dog blue, even if Tobias did it to himself on Arrested Development.

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For more, check out 6 Dazzling Sights In Nature (Caused By Human Stupidity) and 8 Things You Didn't Realize Will Be Ruined By Climate Change.

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