Someone Made An Animated Titanic Movie About Everyone Surviving The Titanic Sinking
In 1999, Mondo TV released The Legend Of The Titanic, directed by Kim Jun-Ok, and it's batshit-squirting madness featuring gypsy kings, a whaling billionaire allied with criminal sharks, magical moonbeams that let people talk to flying dolphins, and soccer-obsessed mice who want to have sex with humans. We'd assure you we didn't have a stroke as we wrote all of that, but at this point we're not even sure.
Yet somehow, it's the ending that is the most deranged and insulting part. Not only is the sinking of the Titanic actually caused by a fiendish plot between the whaler, the sharks, and a dimwitted dog-faced octopus, but then everyone aboard the Titanic -- even the people who died during the crash and were left behind -- escape and come back to life thanks to the whales. Are these words making sense? It feels like none of these words should be in this order.
"I now pronounce you octopus and wife."
The movie has been received poorly, enjoying a comfortable slot in IMDB's 25 worst movies of all time, and being a constant target for mockery and derision by internet comedians to this day. This very second, some might say! But in spite of being the kind of horrific mistake that makes people start new lives under assumed identities, the movie got a sequel five years later, called In Search Of The Titanic, which featured immortal Atlanteans, talking dolls and screwdrivers, evil rats, and a dog with a laser gun. And they don't even find the fucking Titanic in the movie.
Fantasize about going back in time and giving Titanic survivors these sweet floating pizza rafts like the hero you are deep inside!
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