The news is like the endless, vaguely terrifying disclaimers at the end of a prescription drug commercial. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with it all while maintaining their sanity, so we've taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

Harrison Ford flew his plane dangerously close to a passenger plane

National Security Adviser Michael Flynn has resigned

Source: CNN

A woman was awarded damages for being fired from Burger King when she took home a fish sandwich

Source: BBC News

An 80 year old woman was stopped for boarding a plane holding a cane with a hidden sword

Source: CBS News

Wal-Mart is being sued for allegedly selling fake craft beer

Source: The AV Club

Almost 200000 were forced to evacuate the area around Oroville Dam

Source: NBC News

Pewdiepie has been dropped by Disney after anti-Semitic joke

Source: Variety

Playboy will once again feature nude photos

Source: The AV Club

A United Airlines pilot was removed after she went on an insane rant

Rolls-Royce has reported a 5 billion dollar loss

Ticketmaster has been accused of hacking a rival broker

Source: Variety

Indias space agency launched 104 satellites in 18 minutes

Jerry Sandusky son arrested for sexual offenses against minors

Source: NBC News

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