FEMA's "Coffin Stockpile" Preparing For A Massive Planned Disaster Is A Company's Storage Field
Get your surgical masks and Lysol ready, because FEMA is currently working in conjunction with the Centers for Disease Control to make your funeral arrangements. Or at least, that's the case according to Alex Jones, an unending stream of quack "news" sites, and that one Facebook friend from high school you keep forgetting to hide. It seems the U.S. government -- in particular, the Obama administration -- is stockpiling plastic caskets in preparation for some mysterious event that will wipe out a significant chunk of the American populace.
Luckily, only Cartoon Americans are affected.
What makes this theory so convincing is the undeniable, evidence courtesy of Google Earth, showing a staggering number -- half a million, to be exact -- of black, human-sized Tupperware containers stored smack dab in the middle of Bumfuck, Georgia (the state which is home to the CDC).
Above: the last Tupperware party you'll ever be invited to.
This tells us two things: First, that FEMA and/or the CDC is preparing for a truly apocalypse-worthy number of sudden casualties, and second, they are inexplicably going to bury us all individually after said event rather than rolling us into a sinkhole and/or the sea.
The Stupid Reality:
The so-called "FEMA caskets" are in fact burial vaults, the plastic containers used in essentially every modern burial that takes place in the United States. They're the outer shells used to prevent moisture, creepy crawlies, and errant voodoo resurrection spells from ever reaching those ornate caskets that we drop five grand on before dropping them into the ground and covering them with dirt.
The gaping hole for illustrative purposes gets you a 10-percent discount.
Seeing as how they're designed to withstand an eternity six feet underground, the company that manufactured them -- Vantage Products in Covington, Georgia -- chose to skip the cost of a traditional warehouse and instead stacked their supply in a field, where they've been storing them for nearly 20 years. But take the advent of Google Earth, add the location's close proximity to the CDC in Atlanta, and multiply the result by the truly mind-boggling number of "caskets" involved, and suddenly Obama is planning to gas us all with the virus from The Stand.