The stone had been uncovered after stormy weather and high tides washed away the sand that was covering it. The discovery was celebrated by the local newspaper, the Great Yarmouth Mercury, as archaeologists set out to determine who could have made these carvings. Shortly after, an out-of-work construction worker named Barry Luxton contacted the Norfolk city council, as he knew who had made the carvings.
It was, uh ... him, actually. He did it.
Some months prior, he had carved the stone himself with a hammer and chisel over the course of three days. He wanted to have it moved for a druid festival, but like that garbage we keep saying we'll take out, he forgot about it for several months until it was eventually buried in the sand. The rock isn't completely worthless, though -- according to some members of the community, it would look rather nice in the middle of their town flower garden.
Which, as we've established by now, is probably just a garden of used dildos with rose petals glued on.
An Ancient Jerusalem Artifact ... Is Actually A New Age Healing Device
Israel Antiquities Authority
If you want to make mind-blowing discoveries about history and don't mind spending 99 percent of your time painstakingly brushing dirt off of things, then archaeology is the field for you. Some amazing discoveries are out there just waiting to be stumbled upon, sometimes literally -- such as in 2015, when a maintenance worker at an ancient Jerusalem cemetery discovered this ... whatever this is.
Israel Antiquities Authority
We're going with Autobot sex toy.
Experts were utterly baffled by this double-ended bowling pin, and spent six months (and plenty of taxpayer dollars, presumably) trying to determine the origin of the object. Without any leads left to go on, they eventually said fuck it and posted pictures of the object on Facebook, hoping that the public could give them some answers, or at least Photoshop it into some pictures with dogs in lab coats.
In a heartwarming and movie-esque twist, one of the users did in fact recognize the object and know of its origin. Less heartwarming, though, is where he had seen the object -- in an online New Age store.
Presented in German, because if we knew what New Age weirdos would pay $1,300 for,
it would just make us angry.
Yes, it seems that some hilarious or confused individual had taken the center component out of his or her Bullshit Hourglass and placed it in an archaeological site to confuse the living hell out of scientists. According to the website, the above device can apparently "harmonize against the strongest electromagnetic and geopathic radiation," whatever that means; maybe someone was trying to start an undead barbershop quartet.
Israel's Antiquities Authority put out a message about it, asking the mystery people "to whom of the dead they wished to give positive energy." We can't say for sure, but we assume that they were trying to revive the necrotic career of famous member of the tribe Adam Sandler.
Deep inside us all -- behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases -- there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!
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