James Hobbs and his cousin ran out for kebabs one brisk January day in 2011. On the way back home, Hobbs decided to pay a visit to his neighbor (and future stabber) Jamie Edney, whom he suspected of stabbing his missus (in a carnal way). Edney answered the door with knife in hand, at which point Hobbs must have realized that he'd brought a goddamned sandwich to a knife fight. Nevertheless, the two launched into a ruckus, during which Hobbs never once loosened his grip on his lunch, because the man had his goddamn priorities straight.
Hobbs soon found himself on the ground, cartoonish fountains of blood squirting from his shiny new neck wound courtesy of one Mr. Edney. A quick-thinking Hobbs stanched the geyser with the only item at hand: his doner kebab, which had luckily survived the melee in much better condition than Hobbs himself.
So, you gonna eat that, or ...?
Hobbs narrowly avoided losing his vocal cords, but nonetheless lost more than half of his blood. Still, doctors credit the snack with prolonging his life long enough for paramedics to arrive with proper bandages and such. As for Edney, he received a mere five-and-a-half-year prison sentence for the near-murder, presumably because he displayed enough empathy to leave his victim a life-saving pita.