10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 10/11
Time, creepy-ass dolls, sci-fi classics, 90s pop bands. They all hold dark mysteries. And you were all over that crap last week.
Nobody knows why we see time as moving in one direction. The fact that we remember the past but not the future seems to be arbitrary. And as far as physics is concerned, time is pretty much an illusion.
"Of course, it's hard to say that time is an illusion if we all experience it the same, but here's the kicker: We don't."
If you've ever thought about building a V-8 engine out of LEGO but didn't know where to start - you're in luck. We know a guy.
"All it took was 2,862 parts, 300 hours, and far too much patience for a regular human."
If you can't get your rebel mitts on the preferred Confederate battle flag, just go with one of the many others used during the Civil War. Perhaps the one with a crescent and stars!
"That's certainly *a* Confederate flag. Sort of. If you guys don't give a shit."
"Oh, you're quiet? That must be because you're not comfortable with yourself. Here, let me help you leave your shell so that you can finally dance on the bar like you've always wanted to." - Annoying People
"There's a common assumption that all quiet people really want to be talkative, but can't be. They just lack confidence, or are really bad with words, but if you just reached out a helping hand and gave them a gentle push, you could rescue them from their silent prison, from which they must constantly look out in misery at normal people talking and enjoying themselves."
If you plug in your iPod instead of paying $1K for some random guy to plug in HIS iPod, everyone will think you're a couple of losers.
"Can you really put a price on love? Yes! Love costs, on average, $31,500."
If you're going to fire the IT person, better make sure you've got remote access locked down or your next presentation could get pretty lively and downright HOT.
"When Walter Powell, the former director of information management for the Baltimore Substance Abuse System, was fired from his job in 2009, he did not go quietly."
In space, no one can hear you mansplain why men are natural explorers.
"They say history is written by the winners, but frankly we're pretty sure history is just written by dickheads."
Ray Bradbury was fully capable of smushing your head like a grape.
"Bradbury was actually more concerned with TV destroying interest in literature than he was with government censorship and officials running around libraries with lit matches."
Chucky would run from this shit.
"If this sounds like your kind of thing, head on over to Kampung Monyet, and ask the shadiest guy on the street where a guy could go to stare into the face of madness and everything that's worst in humanity. You're either going to a monkey show or the room he rents behind the butcher shop."
From the name of the band (Keroman Submarine Base) to the video for "All That She Wants" - there's plenty of evidence that Ace of Base's pop had Nazi overtones.
"If some piece of shit Nazi started a pop band with the intent of spreading Nazi propaganda subliminally to the masses and thought he was so much smarter than everyone else that he could slip a Nazi reference right into his band's name without anyone noticing, 'Ace of Base' is close to an ideal choice."