Admittedly, this one is stuck to the throat, not the face, but it's dystopian as hell. In fact, it's like autocorrect for your mouth, and it's permanent -- or as permanent as a tattoo, anyway (you can always cut your arm off). The idea behind Motorola's e-tattoo is that you will be able to communicate with your smart devices without having to speak, like teenagers deep in love or X-Men. The tattoo intercepts thoughts that your brain hasn't given your face full permission to spit out, meaning that simple throat motions could be enough to give orders to your devices.
"Whatever, as long as I no longer have to talk to Siri."
So how the hell does it work? When you have an inner monologue, your brain still sends neural signals to your vocal cords, just in case you suddenly decide you want to talk to someone other than yourself. It's called "covert speech," and the only thing that keeps it from being regular speech is that it doesn't fully trigger the required muscles. According to the patent, the e-tattoo intercepts and digitizes these auditory signals, which is kinda creepy ... but not the creepiest part of all this.
The patent, which serendipitously came out right around the time Edward Snowden's NSA exposure did, suggests that the tattoo could be used to "detect skin resistance of a user," allowing you to tell if that person is "engaging in speaking falsehoods" or is a "truth telling individual." Who the hell wrote that? A S.H.I.E.L.D. scientist? No, but the closest thing we have -- as it happens, the head of Motorola's Advanced Technology and Projects group is Regina Dugan, once the head of DARPA. Does this mean we're gonna start giving free neck tattoos to Guantanamo residents and the like?
United States Patent and Trademark Office
If you get it as a tramp stamp instead, it can predict oncoming farts.