7 Dumb Food Myths the Internet Thinks Are True

7

Coca-Cola Will Melt Your Stomach

This rumor names Coca-Cola, but presumably applies to Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, all of those drinks that you always thought were just harmless caramel-flavored CO2 and high fructose corn syrup. That is, until this email came along with horrifying factoids like:

"You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.

The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials."

We get it! It's an acid! An acid so powerful it can eat your bones! Fuck!

The Facts

There are so many Coke rumors that Snopes has an entire section of their site dedicated to them. Yes, Coke does contain an acid. So does a whole lot of what you eat and drink (orange juice is more acidic, for instance). The key is that the acids are diluted enough that they won't eat a hole through your innards. Products that do that tend to sell poorly.

Now it's true the trucks carrying the concentrated syrup used to make Coke do have the Corrosive Chemicals signs on them, but that's because they're dealing with the concentrated components, not the Coke itself. Using that as proof Coke is poison is like saying you can't drink whiskey because it's flammable. That's what makes it good.

6

Red Bull Gives You Wings, and By Wings, We Mean a Brain Tumor

If an innocent Coke can eat a hole in your guts, who the hell knows what Red Bull can do, right? Well, if this email (that may or may not have been forwarded to you by your mom) is to be believed, it can give you a brain tumor:

"Ever wondered what's in a can of Red Bull Energy drink? The small print lists a host of ingredients and among them is an artificially manufactured stimulant developed in the early 60's by the American Government.

Glucuronolactone was first used in the Vietnam conflict to boost morale amongst GI's who were suffering from stress and fatigue, but was banned after a few years following several deaths and hundreds of cases involving anything from severe migraines to brain tumors in personnel prescribed the stimulant.

An article in this month's edition of the British Medical Journal has highlighted a growing number of cases reported by Doctors and Surgeons involving the very same side effects from the 70s. All of the patients examined were regular drinkers of RedBull and it is believed that the safety of Glucuronolactone is currently under review in at least three major European countries."

5

MSG Burns Your Brain Cells

Monosodium glutamate--or MSG--is a common food additive. You probably can't pick up a can of soup, TV dinner or bag of Chinese takeout that doesn't include MSG.

4

Cold Water After a Meal will Give You Cancer... Or a Heart Attack...

Cold water? Seriously? Yep, if you believe every dumbassed thing you read.

The theory goes, we've all seen how grease solidifies when it cools, such as in your drains. Well, your intestines are exactly like drains, right? So drinking cold water after a fatty meal will make that shit solidify in your guts! Oh, no!

Your heart, every time you drink cold water. Probably.

"For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal. A serious note about heart attacks: You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms."

The Facts

No.

Here's a good general tip: If the person giving you medical advice seems to easily confuse cancer and heart attacks, as this person does in their second paragraph up there, they might not know what they're talking about.

"Get the paddles, he's having a cancer!"

3

Twinkies Are Not Real Food, They Last Forever

The whole "Twinkies can last up to 20 years on the shelf because they're not food" thing has been around for years. It was a staple with 80s comedians, along with the unsatisfactory nature of airline peanuts.

This book recounts the full tale, including a whole big back story on how the manufacturer hasn't had to manufacture Twinkies in years, because they have a huge warehouse full of them somewhere.

Actual Twinkie warehouse.

The Facts

Twinkies do last a bit longer than your average cakes filled with cream: a whole month. What? Were you expecting us to tell you they really are industrially refined additives shaped to look and taste like food, that never get stale? Hell, if anyone actually had access to that kind of technology, the world would probably be in their hands.

Instead, we just fry the little suckers.

Nope, check the label and you'll see the ingredients (in order of quantity) are flour, sugar, corn syrup, water, shortening, and eggs. Sounds a whole lot like a regular ol' cake. That's because it is.

Now, on top of the above ingredients, you've got two dozen additives meant to keep the cakes moist long beyond the week or so you'd get out of a cake you made fresh. We could go on and on about how unhealthy those yellow bastards are, but come on. You didn't think they were fucking celery stalks.

2

Margarine is Actually Plastic

Margarine is kind of like Velveeta Cheese: everybody has it in their kitchen, but what is it? Let's ask the crazy people:

"Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter.

Triple risk of coronary heart disease.

Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.

Decreases immune response.

And here's the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS! VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC."

The Facts

We would love to know how they came up with that turkey story (maybe they misunderstood the whole "Butterball" thing?). Margarine is just made from vegetable oil (or some other kind of plant or animal fat) and was invented as a cheaper substitute for butter in 19th Century France.

It's true that margarine is white until they add yellow coloring to it. But guess what, that cheese on your hamburger wasn't orange until they added an orange dye to it. Who gives a shit?

Great. Now we're starving.

Far more ridiculous is the capitalized-so-you-know-it's-true statement, "MARGARINE IS ONE MOLECULE AWAY FROM PLASTIC."

Not only is that not right, that's not even wrong. It's a meaningless statement. Saying something is "one molecule away" from plastic is like saying a farm is one letter away from a fart. Water is "one molecule away" from being explosive hydrogen gas.

1

Canola Oil is RAPE OIL

Quick: Where does canola oil come from? Don't know? Well the internet has some shocking news for you, buddy:

"Here are just a few facts everyone should know before buying anything containing canola. Canola is not the name of a natural plant but a made-up word, from the words "Canada" and "oil". Canola is a genetically engineered plant developed in Canada from the Rapeseed Plant, which is part of the mustard family of plants. According to AgriAlternatives, The Online Innovation, and Technology Magazine for Farmers, 'By nature, these rapeseed oils, which have long been used to produce oils for industrial purposes, are... toxic to humans and other animals.'

Rapeseed.

It is an industrial oil. It is not a food. Rape oil, it seems, causes emphysema, respiratory distress, anemia, constipation, irritability, and blindness in animals and humans.

There's more, but to conclude: rape oil was the source of the chemical warfare agent mustard gas, which was banned after blistering the lungs and skins of hundred of thousands of soldiers and civilians during W.W.I."

The Facts

Whoa! Holy shit! We love the way the writer crammed in every scary word they could think of: rape, war, cancer, emphysema, respiratory distress, anemia, constipation, irritability, blindness, Canada.

Well to start, congratulations to the canola oil marketing people, who realized at some point that the oil from rapeseed--or Rape Oil--probably needed another name to succeed with housewives. Thus: Canola Oil.