The 7 Most Bizarre Fast Food Industry Lawsuits

7

McLibel

In 1990, two UK versions of hippies were handing out pamphlets on the streets the way hippies (and various cults) tend to. The pamphlets made wild accusations about how McDonald's sells unhealthy food and creates pollution.

McDonald's was not amused and filed a libel suit, which is good for them because a sequel to the pamphlet detailing how McDonald's burgers are made from goat scrotum and how the Hamburglar made a series of gloryhole videos called "Robble Gobble" was already in the planning stages.

The Result:

The case went to trial and pretty much became the biggest, most embarrassing thing it possibly could have been for McDonald's. The two hippies, an out-of-work mailman and a gardener, represented themselves and proceeded to fuck McDonald's six ways from Sunday for seven straight years.

They called 180 witnesses to back up the claims they had made in the pamphlet, and cost McDonald's millions in legal bills. In the end, the defendants had managed to prove three-fifths of their claims, but were found guilty of libel on the rest. However, that managed to prove McDonald's guilty on a number of counts and also made them look like epic assholes.

An appeal by the defendants went on to fuck McDonald's further and make them look even more like a faceless corporation of death bent on killing children with Happy Meals, to the point where McDonald's basically folded and said they would not seek to collect on the money owed.

6

Carl's Anus

Burger chain Carl's Jr. sued rival Jack in the Box over an ad campaign that implied Carl's Jr. made their burgers out of the tender meat of the anus.

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Carl's Jr. boasts that their burgers are made of "Angus" beef and Jack in the Box staked their entire campaign on the fact that "Angus" sort of sounds like "anus." Carl's Jr. sued on the grounds that people may be too retarded to know that Angus beef does not come from a cow's ass and they wanted to protect that loyal base of retarded customers from being led astray.

The Result:

In July 2007, a judge denied Carl's Jr. an injunction to stop the ads from running. A suit is still pending but obviously it's moot because if Carl's Jr. wins, Jack in the Box can't go back and erase the ads from the customers' memory.

By the way, Carl's Jr. provided survey evidence to show that 36 percent of people thought Angus meat came from cow ass, which begs the bigger question of why they sell Angus burgers at all if they acknowledge a third of people think that.

5

Coq Roq

4

There Can Be Only One Glazed Donut

3

McDonald's and the Case of the Mean Italian Critic

In 2002, Italian food critic Edoardo Raspelli went on a foul-mouthed tirade against McDonald's, going as far as to say that the ambiance at McDonald's was "mechanical" and that the bread was "poor." Vulgarities such as that could only come from a man who sits at the right hand of Satan, his ink well fed by the blood of innocents and the semen of Hitler.

McDonald's, probably after some intensive rounds of therapy and some veterinary-grade tranquilizers to calm themselves, did the only responsible thing they could in the face of this irresponsible attack: they filed a $25 million lawsuit for defamation.

2

Kentucky Fried Horror Show

KFC only has so many words associated with their brand. Kentucky. Fried. Chicken. It's not entirely practical to sue a state, a method of cooking and a bird every time they pop up in the media, but if two of those things appear together, possibly with a bucket near by, you better believe KFC is taking someone to court.

The makers of the Kentucky Fried Horror Show found that out when KFC sent them a letter calling their movie "alarming, ghastly, disturbing, revolting and vile" which is impressive since it hadn't been filmed yet and KFC had no way to get a script.

However, they did see the promotional art, featuring a head in a red and white striped bucket. The Colonel wasn't going to stand for that kind of chicanery. He stands for the mass slaughter of chickens, not people.

1

The Right to Bear Boobs

Hooters, in a move that had to make more than one legal expert crack some hilarious jokes about "handling evidence" filed suit in 2003 against Kerfs WingHouse Bar & Grill. Hooters sued for $4 million in lost profit because the Winghouse stole some valued trade secrets, such as having waitresses in shorts and tight t-shirts, something Hooters went back in time to invent in the Middle Ages or whenever it was that a bar owner first noticed dudes will pay for more food, beer or bags or horse shit if a woman in a tight shirt is selling it.

The Winghouse, which has 10 locations, was apparently confusing poor, boob-hungry patrons who were just wandering the streets aimlessly in the hopes of finding chicken wings and a glimpse of cotton-clad nipple under an A/C duct. Hooters just couldn't stand for it. Winghouse filed a counterclaim accusing Hooters of trying to use the legal system to crush the competition.

Above: The right to Bear-Boobs.

Honorable Mention: McJob

In 2001, Merriam-Webster added "McJob" to their dictionary, defining it as "a low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement." The CEO of McDonald's rattled off a bitchy letter, oblivious to the fact people had been using McJob to mean exactly what the dictionary said it meant for well over a decade.

When simply whining like children didn't work, it was later stated in a veiled, sad threat that McJOBS is trademarked and is the name of the program McDonald's uses to train mentally and physically disabled employees. So they were apparently preparing a claim that the dictionary violated the trademark by including the term, demonstrating McDonalds' complete lack of understanding of what a dictionary is.

The Result:

For once, the McDonald's legal team showed some restraint and the lawsuit at the heart of their veiled threats never came to pass. Instead, McDonald's has gone on a publicity campaign to try to convince the whole world to stop acting like jobs at McDonald's aren't awesome.

They've also started a petition again the Oxford-English Dictionary, hoping to convince it to remove McJob and its similar definition ("an unstimulating low-paid job with few prospects").

McDonald's claims that definition is false and has evidence that 90 percent of its employees believe they receive valuable training that will be of benefit for the future, not mentioning how many of them believe that because they have resigned themselves to working at McDonald's for the rest of their lives.

Above: Valuable Training.