But the pinched testicle injury managed to top it. Having your balls crushed, like we said is one thing, but there's just something inherently unmanly about the word "pinch." It's something sisters do to each other, or overly dramatic people do to themselves when something good happens. It's not something you should be doing to your own sack. And by doing it with the device that is supposed to protect your manhood, you're just adding a layer of Mr. Bean-like slapstick futility that makes people want to buy you an ice cream cone and chuck your chin more than watch you play baseball.
Could it have been worse?
He could have ripped his testicle clean out of the socket while getting it waxed.
Cardinals' kicker Bill Gramatica tears his ACL celebrating a field goal...in the first quarter
Prior to Bill and his brother Martin entering the NFL, it was hard to imagine a field goal kicker sustaining any kind of injury. They're on the field for an average of 10 plays for the whole game and there's actually a penalty that says other players aren't allowed to touch them when they're kicking.
However, the Gramatica's hail from Argentina, where people who kick things for a living are allowed to use the same bathrooms as the rest of the population and are in some cases even looked up to. Upon entering the NFL, and apparently having never seen an NFL game before, the Gramatica's proceeded to celebrate wildly after every made field goal.
Football fans knew it was only a matter of time until a linebacker would say fuck it and deliver a hit that would take that Argentinian joi de vivre down a notch. The only question was whether it was going to be an opponent or a player on their own team.
What no one could have anticipated was that, while Gramatica's shunning of field goal kicker etiquette most certainly angered the other players on the field, it angered God even more.