As a manager, Craig helped turn the San Francisco Giants into a power house in the 1980s. His first five seasons ended with winning records and he helped them pick up a National League Pennant, sending them to their first World Series in more than 25 years. That World Series just happened to be the one in 1989 that was interrupted by an earthquake. If Craig ever threatens to actually win a World Series, you'll be able to find us in our bunker preparing for a Biblical apocalypse.
So, it's only appropriate that in the early '90s Craig took the bench despite seriously cutting his hand on a bra strap. Even though not much is known about this injury, ESPN Page 2 confirmed it and Denver Post columnist Jim Armstrong said Craig admitted it and didn't even try to concoct a story to cover it up. Apparently, by that point in his career Craig had apparently resigned himself to a life of being close to doing something awesome and instead having something laughably terrible hurled back in his face.
Could it have been worse?
He could have cut his hand trying to undo his own bra strap.
9--Third degree Indian burn
Professional disc golfer Ron Russell swung his hand into a tree during a throw at the 2000 PDGA tournament.
Disc golf is not a sport you'd expect to be riddled with hotheaded, short-tempered John McEnroe types. In fact, many of you thought we'd end that sentence after the first six words.
You would be wrong on both counts. Meet Ron Russell. He forged a road to the 2000 Professional Disc Golf Association tournament made of anger, seething rage and flying spittle. If he could have Bob Knighted a folding chair across the course, he probably would have. Of course, the only things to throw on a disc golf course are Frisbees and hippies, and hippies make your hands smell all weird when you pick them up. So Russell used his puzzling rage to propel himself to disc golf "greatness."
Then fate bitchslapped him. On top of already giving him a gift as pointless as being good at throwing a Frisbee in the woods. For on the fifth hole of one of the gnarliest disc gold courses in America, Russell teed off into a gaggle of pesky trees and had to line up a particularly difficult shot to get out of the rough. Instead he unfortunately lined his hand up with a tree. A PDGA official was a few yards away and described the sound of the tree "rejecting" Russell's shot as the sound of a small gun being fired, probably wishful thinking since a small gun being fired would be the most manly thing to ever happen on a disc golf course.
As it is, Russell's getting his ass handed to him by a spruce is the manliest thing to ever happen on a disc golf course, but unfortunately one of the least manliest injuries to ever happen in professional sports.
Could it have been worse?
He could have been playing a real sport, and thus suffered his injury in front of non-hippie spectators.
8--Next in line for a swirlee
Manchester City's David Seaman broke a bone reaching for the TV remote.
Manchester City's star goalkeeper has had his fair share of injuries on and off the field. Of course, you're going to get a few boo-boos when you're constantly in the sights of a world's greatest forwards whose only job is to get the ball in the net, even if that means kicking it clean through your abdomen. What puzzles us is how such a tough guy can have so many sub-standard injuries off the field. Seaman's injury record ranks right up there with the all-time greatest English mysteries, right alongside the identity of Shakespeare and the fact that any man, let alone the most powerful man in Wales, would find Camilla Parker Bowles remotely attractive.
Seaman had a stellar soccer career with the Arsenal Football Club, helping them achieve some of their brightest days. In his first season, he allowed just 18 goals, led Arsenal to retain their league title, and set a club record five years later when he allowed 17 goals in all 38 games.
Then the injuries began piling up like he was a one man emergency room following a bloody hooligan soccer riot.
First, he pulled a Larry Walker when he ripped out his shoulder trying to reel in a big carp on a fishing trip. But at least fishing is active. He was probably bragging about the fishing injury like it was a bullet he took for the Queen after he broke a bone while reaching for a television remote. We could speculate as to what terrifying booby trap he used to protect his remote control, or when the BBC started airing Mind of Mencia, the only show capable of making people reach for a remote quickly enough to break a bone, but instead we'll just wonder why the hell he didn't lie.
Yes, you're contractually obligated to tell people how you broke your hand, but there are about a million things you could have been reaching for that sound better than a remote and would look no different on an X-Ray. Say you were reaching for a chain saw. Say your hand was hurrying to adjust your immense package out of the way of oncoming traffic when it collided with your balls of steal. Say you were fending off a fucking kitten. This is an injury that you could and should lie about to the person in the next room from you, because they would never know any better.
"Ummm, nothing. I just punched the wall. Because I'm angry about stuff."
There, was that so hard?
Could it have been worse?
He could have injured himself trying to use The Clapper.
10--Pantsed during gym class
Danny Gallagher is a freelance writer, humorist, reporter and waterboy. His website is at DannyGallagher.net.
If you're not too busy rooting for Tom Brady to pinch a testicle today, you should see what Hitler has to say about the playoffs so far.