Upcoming Celebrity Sports Movies
With Will Ferrell looking to successfully rejuvenate his career with the NASCAR comedy Talladega Nights, other Hollywood stars are looking to boost their lagging careers with movies about niche sports. Here are a few coming down the pike over the next few months.
STARRING: Paul Hogan
SYNOPSIS: The city of Sydney is picked to host the annual World Series of Chess tournament, and a hermit-like crocodile wrestler, Herman Herzwazzer (Hogan), scores a ticket to the competition after winning a crocodile throwing contest. Herzwazzer arrives at the arena to find that the Australian chess champion was killed when he was eaten by a crocodile that was mysteriously flying through the air. He guiltily volunteers to represent his home country and only has a week to learn the meaning of teamwork from a retired Russian chess master (Stanley Tucci). Pretty soon, the lovable Aussie is dropping infectious quips like, "That' not a knight. This is a knight." But will Herzwazzer come clean when his teacher reveals that his daughter was blinded when she gouged her eyeballs out after seeing Crocodile Dundee 3?
STARRING: Steven Seagal
SYNOPSIS: The world of duckpin bowling has become a seedy underground of drugs, gambling, prostitution and intense competition. Only one man, semi-retired bowler and martial arts hobbyist Tommy Freeze (Seagal), can clean up the sport and take it back from the organized crime bosses who have overtaken it. Freeze learns the true meaning of teamwork with the help of a plucky sidekick, the do-ragged Killa Badd Dogg Killa (Ja Rule).
STARRING: Lindsay Lohan
SYNOPSIS: When a bright young woman, Penny Fulbright (Lohan), gets kicked out of Harvard for fellating all five members of the Strokes in front of her entire sociology class, she moves to Japan to find herself. There, she meets Jack, an American competitive eater who discovers her immense talent for hot dog eating after she fellates the entire American team in less than 57 seconds. Jack teaches Fulbright the secrets of competitively eating hot dogs, as well as the true meaning of teamwork. But will the size disparity between the hot dogs that she must eat and the dicks of the sort of men who engage in competitive eating derail her chances?
STARRING: Katie Holmes
SYNOPSIS: A professional synchronized swimmer, Jennifer Heinz, (Holmes) meets a hunky professional diver with some unusual personality traits (Greg Louganis). Heinz falls in love with him despite the protests of her team that her new boyfriend seems to be over compensating for something. The team, led by a bitchy glory hog, Penny Entwhistle (Jessica Biel), devises a complicated plan to break the pair up before the world championships in Beijing. Entwhistle initially recruits a Zen master (Chow Yun-Fat) to drive a wedge between the couple with religious mumbo jumbo, but the master ends up teaching everyone the true meaning of teamwork.
STARRING: Michelle Rodriguez
SYNOPSIS: A young woman just out of jail on a drunken assault charge is given a second chance with a spot on a rough-and-tumble semi-professional ladies lacrosse team. After a series of bar fights and mix-ups threaten to tear the team apart, Bonita Hernandez (Rodriguez) learns the meaning of teamwork and true love from a coach with a checkered past (Sharon Stone) and a proven track record for being able to un-cross the most crossed-up kids. But will Bonita be able to win the championship game, which she must play blind after her 50 year old teacher fulfills her contractual obligation to un-cross her legs in every film in which she appears?
TITLE: Rob Schneider is The Shuttlecock
STARRING: Rob Schneider
SYNOPSIS: A schlubby lab technician (Schneider) is accidentally transformed into a birdie during a botched badminton experiment. Through a series of mix-ups, he becomes an official shuttlecock in the World Badminton Championships in Paris (Paris Hilton). He decides to aid a pair of good-hearted but under-funded players (Adam Sandler and David Spade) and learns the true meaning of teamwork from a woman (Jenny McCarthy) who died in a car accident and was then serendipitously reincarnated as a racquet.