FIVE-WORD SUMMARY OF ACTUAL SPEECH: "Oh my God, you guys!"
WHAT WOULD'VE BEEN MORE ACCURATE: "Wow. Oh wow. This is f*****g AWESOME! We had no idea you could get one of these bad-boys just for handing a few pages of loose-leaf over to an A-list director and letting him make a kick-ass movie out of your rough, vague ideas. SWEET! I mean, this movie was really, really good"Â¦ WILL HUNTING! Just kidding. Seriously, though-this script was amazing, and you guys believe we wrote it? Please. You guys aaaah wicked dumb -right, right? But it's not your fault -right, right? HA! Just look at all the other great screenplays we're going to go on and write: there's, um, well"Â¦there's nothing, because we can't write for s**t. Writing's gay anyways-we're gonna make a bunch of movies where we get to kick people in the face."
FIVE-WORD SUMMARY OF ACTUAL SPEECH: "I have blown my brother."
WHAT WOULD'VE BEEN MORE ACCURATE: "I'd like to thank my father, John Voight, for banging my mom-it opened up countless doors in Hollywood for me. Without nepotism, I'd be like the rest of the vast majority of mildly talented actresses with great racks: praying for a role pretending to blow a dude with a barbed wire tattoo on Cinemax. So thanks, dad. Oh, and sorry for saying I hate your guts and all that jazz. It's pretty clear that without half your DNA, I wouldn't have a career. Still, you're kind of an a*****e for giving me all that money and a sheltered, ideal upper-class childhood. And one more thing-I really have blown my brother. Many, many times."