"Wasn't there a red-hot gay sex scene in a tent within the first ten minutes of the film, Gene?" you might ask. Answer: I stepped out for some popcorn, an Almond Joy and a pit stop (number 2, not number 1). When I returned, I definitely noticed the two male leads were sitting a bit closer, and with less clothes on. But I merely assumed their clothes had been devoured by parasites and that they were smothering one another for warmth after the fire had gone out.
Then, my cell phone rang and I had to take the call. I missed about ten minutes of dialog, but was watching the action on screen. Subsequent deep-kissing scenes I mistook for Gyllenhaal attempting, unsuccessfully, to fish a lozenge out of Heath Ledger' mouth. After that, I stepped out for more popcorn, a large Diet Coke and two more trips to the bathroom (I have a genetically small bladder). When I came back, I saw the two leads cavorting shirtless onscreen. I just assumed they had managed to retrieve the lozenge and were celebrating. My bad.
But the second time I tried to watch the movie, someone had by then tipped me off that these two were a little light in the chaps, if you know what I mean. So I get it now.
Now, look. I have nothing against the gays, but