These days, gay movie characters are not only embraced, they are rewarded with Oscar nominations. Of course society wasn't always so accepting, and until recently, gay TV and movie characters had to hide their true colors. CRACKED takes a look back at some duos that, were they around today, would be among the loudest and proudest members of the Judy Garland fan club.
The Lone Ranger & TontoThe Lone Ranger
While the mask was a necessity in those pre-Brokeback Mountain
days, naming your horses "Silver" and "Scout" was as close to coming out as it gets. Just ask yourself the last time you were at a club and saw a white-as-can-be, no-nonsense kinda guy sitting next to a considerably smaller, non-speaking, cowering foreigner, what was your immediate assessment? Golf buddies?
Maverick & IcemanTop Gun
Ignoring the standard Tom Cruise gay jokes, Top Gun
is, without a doubt, one of the most deceivingly homoerotic films ever made, other than 1992' Why Would I Want to Suck You, William?!
Selling itself as an action movie, the film tells the story of a fighter pilot named Maverick struggling with homosexual impulses. Iceman plays the role of the tempter, complete with half-naked locker room staring contests and shirtless volleyball matches. Then, in one of the strangest seduction scenes in the history of cinema, Maverick' female instructor finally seduces him by approaching him in an elevator dressed like Iceman. In the end, after a celebratory hug on an aircraft carrier, Iceman tells Maverick "You can ride my tail anytime," to which Maverick responds, "No, you can ride mine."
Mr. Miyagi & DanielThe Karate Kid I-III
The relationship between Daniel and his septuagenarian instructor started off with the vague, "Wax-on, wax-off," overtones, but when Daniel decided to forgo college to travel with Mr. Miyagi to Okinawa and then move in with him, things started to feel a little ancient Greek-ish. The relationship reached an uncomfortable apex in the third film when Daniel spent his college money on a plant store for Mr. Miyagi, and the old man delivered lines like: "Miyagi life empty without you Daniel-son."
Rocky & ApolloRocky I - IV
After spending the first two films sweatily clutching one another in the ring, in Rocky III
they met where most gay couples meet: in the gym. Throughout the third film, Apolo calls Rocky "Stallion." And then, of course, there is the beach scene in Rocky III
when the duo run into the ocean clad in uncomfortably tight shorts, hugging and splashing one another in one of the most uncomfortable slow motion grab-ass sessions ever committed to film. In
, when Adrian asks Rocky why he must avenge Apollo' murder, Rocky cries, "You knew what I was when you married me."
Brandon & DylanBeverly Hills 90210
One easy way to diagnose a closet case is the "beard," or, the lonely, lonely female who poses as said closet case' girlfriend. And who better for Dylan to squire around town than Brandon's virginal twin sister, Brenda? Not only did the whole twin thing make it easier for him to imagine that Brenda was Brandon, their relationship also ensured that Dylan got to sleep over and, at one point, even move in. Sure, Dylan had to pay his dues to Brenda on prom night, but it' a small price to pay for all that time in the bathroom measuring, um, sideburns.
Cliff & NormCheers
Cliff and Norm were never seen apart. They always arrived together and after a couple of inhibition lowering beers, they always left together too. Norm' wife Vera, on the other hand, was never seen period, leading some to question if she even existed. Cliff, meanwhile, was a mustachioed mailman who lived with his mother. Enough said-it' been scientifically proven that 97% of all mustachioed mailman who live with their mothers are homosexuals.
Schroeder & LinusPeanuts
Way ahead of the cartoon curve, creator Charles Schulz allowed the gay stigma to follow his Peppermint Patty character, while it was the ivory-tickling Schroeder and the blanket-toting Linus (always ready for an impromptu"picnic) who were stealing away into the night. If it weren't for Charlie Brown' ditzy sister, Sally, who inadvertently wrecked a pumpkin patch rendezvous, we might have seen something truly groundbreaking 40 years before Brokeback Mountain
Vincent & JulesPulp Fiction
"Getting Medieval on yo' ass" was more theme than catch phrase. Vincent and Jules, two well-dressed single men in matching suits, spent their time driving around Los Angeles, talking about things like "le' Big Mac" and whether or not they would give a man a foot massage. In related news, what the hell was the story with that Zed/gimp scene? Wow.
Fred & BarneyThe Flintstones
The first cartoon characters to ever dress in drag, this blonde-brunette duo always referred to one another as, "good buddy" and wore skirts. Sure, pants hadn't actually been invented yet, but they were skirts just the same.
Jack & WillWill and Grace
This may well be the most controversial statement on this list, but if you think about it, these two stylin' bachelors dress really well, wear tons of gel and keep their well-appointed apartments spotless. Now if these closet cases aren't really gay, what is?Vinnie is a popular comedian who regularly appears on the Howard Stern Show. Find out more about him at VinniePenn.net
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