Scenario 1: "Last call already? Hey (insert name of cute girl/guy you just met), why don't we head back to my place. I have some beers there, I can roll us a J. You know, just chill."
Scenario 2: "10:30 p.m. already? Hey (insert name of cute girl/guy you just met), why don't we go back to my parents' place before they start to worry? You can just hide in the garage until they go to bed, then I can sneak you upstairs. I have a single bed with Transformers bedsheets and a whole closet full of He-Man action figures. Hey, where are you going? God, I'm lonely."
Obviously, only scenario one has a puncher's chance of resulting in sloppy drunk sex. If scenario two actually works, you might want to reconsider the type of person you try to pick up.
Even if you do manage to impress someone with promises of surreptitious parents'-house coitus, consider the bedroom you now have. Since you left for college, your parents have undoubtedly turned your room into a repository for everything they always wished they had room for. In other words, they'll have kept the room every bit as embarrassing as it ever was, but added plenty of little hints letting you know just how much they've missed you and how happy they are to have you back at home (not much and not at all, respectively).
Why would your loving parents not want you living under their roof again? Because you haven't yet done the one simple thing that they would have most certainly expected you to do in between arriving home and having dinner that same nightÃ¢â¬Â¦