"If you could have any single superpower, what would it be? And no, the power to have infinite powers does not count."
The debate is as old as adolescence itself. And while it's always been pretty standard to choose one of Superman' powers, scholars have recently been turning away from conventional wisdom. With so many powers to waste the day fantasizing about, where should you start? CRACKED puts the question to rest as we count down the 7 coolest superpowers of all time.
7. Flight: Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern
Before you start thinking about zipping around the sky, being confused with birds and planes, keep in mind we're evaluating each power on its own merits, so this is flight without the whole
faster than a speeding bullet
thing. Minus super speed, flight really only bestows the ability to float through air at the speed an average man moves: twelve MPH. Seven, really, if you don't want to get winded. Sure, you'd probably find gainful employment taking aerial photographs at golf tournaments but that' about it.
6. Super Cold Breath: Superman, Dude from Dentyne Ice Commercials
Not as lame as it seems. How many times have you been caught with a case of warm Budweiser and wished you could cool it in seconds? Still, you're not going to save any countries with this one. Could be fun for the ladies, though. Get it? Because sometimes they like it when you blow on a certain part of their body? Get it? We're talking about the vagina.
5. Invisibility: Frodo, The Predator, Chevy Chase
Might be able to rob a few banks, but once the FBI' on your trail, infrared technology makes this one pretty worthless. But hey, you could probably get away with napping at work all the time. Unless you snore, in which case you shouldn't nap on the job. Especially if you snore and make your living as a bear tamer.
4. Ex-Ray Vision: Superman, Number Two
A common fantasy of horny adolescents in the '50s, internet porn has pretty much rendered this one obsolete. Still, winning the world series of poker every year would be pretty cool. Less cool: forgetting to adjust your eyes when inadvertently scanning from your uncle' cards to your grandfather' shorts at the family reunion.
3. Super-speed: Superman, Flash
Being faster than a speeding bullet has its obvious merits, but when you're limited to the ground, it' a pretty dangerous way to travel. There' a reason they always break those land-speed records in the desert and on the autobahn. And even if you went there you'd probably have to wear some constricting leather biker outfit and a helmet in case you trip. Just remember that at speeds over 100 MPH everything around you becomes a dangerous projectile. That house becomes a speeding truck, that railing becomes an impaling sword and that baby, a tough to get out stain.