A CRACKED Guide toFuturistic Super Drugs
In honor of summer, the season of drug addled outdoor concerts, CRACKED presents a short, handy guide to the super drugs predicted in some classic sci-fi flicks and the likelihood that you will ever get to take them.
Movie: A Clockwork OrangeDrug: Milk spiked with vellocet and synthemesc
How It Was Ingested: Drunk in a creepy bar
What It Did: "Sharpened you up and made you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence." Basically, it turned you into a raping and stabbing maniac.
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: On the one hand, the effects of the spiked milk sound an awful lot like meth. On the other hand, from what we've seen in toothless mug shots, we're pretty certain that meth addicts don't get a whole lot of calcium.
Movie: SleeperDrug: That Orb
How It Was Ingested: You just held on to it
What It Did: Made you all tingly
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: The closest you're likely to come to approximating the experience of "that orb" is going to Spencer Gifts, using one hand to hold onto one of those balls that make your hair stand up while using your free hand and the Cindy Crawford posters in the back to discretely jerk off.
Movie: ScannersDrug: Ephemerol
How It Was Ingested: Orally
What It Did: Increased telekinetic powers, gave you the ability to make someone' head explode
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: That time you took acid at the Alman Brothers concert you were convinced you had telekinetic powers and that you could make your friend' head explode. However, once you came down you realized it was the three-note, 47-minute solos that made your friend' head explode.
Movie: Minority ReportDrug: Neuroin
How It Was Ingested: Just like an asthma inhaler
What It Did: Makes you rant and rave about the evils of psychiatry and jump up and down on couches on national TV.
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Apparently, it has already been invented so not bad.
Movie: Robocop 2Drug: Nuke
How It Was Ingested: Don't remember, but we're pretty sure that it glowed
What It Did: Made you bat-shit insane
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: This one kid we know took E before a rave and then put a glow stick in his mouth while he was grinding his teeth and all of the glow-in-the-dark filling leaked out into his mouth. That' pretty much like "Nuke," but we doubt it'll catch on.
Movie: Prayer of the RollerboysDrug: Mist
How It Was Ingested: Smoked out of a machine that sort of looked like an IV
What It Did: Made you K-Fed lazy
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Only if you can figure out how to make a bong out of your diabetic uncle' IV, which took us like three hours.
Movie: New Jack CityDrug: Crack
How It Was Ingested: Smoked
What It Did: Only used by poor city dwellers, it made them close their eyes and say "Oh shit." It also, for whatever reason, made the people who sold it dress in outlandish clothing and try to kill one another.
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: If you're going to a Whitney Huston show the chances are pretty good, actually.
