Now more than any other time in history, Hollywood is cranking out sequels to decades-old films that had any sort of identifiable following, whether they were big hits or not, because Hollywood no longer has any idea what people like and assumes our tastes haven't changed at all since 1986.
#6. Beverly Hills Cop 4
The last Beverly Hills Cop movie centered on a successful amusement park inexplicably printing counterfeit money and featured George Lucas in a speaking role as some random person who was clearly George Lucas. (This is another way of saying that no one has attempted a follow-up for 20 years.)
Judge Reinhold at his current gig.
Initially, executives got the idea to do a Beverly Hills Cop TV series starring Brandon T. Jackson as Eddie Murphy's son, but wisely backed out when they realized that it has been hard enough to convince people to watch things that Eddie Murphy actually appears in, let alone a show starring someone tenuously introduced as his illegitimate offspring. So, the show was dropped and replaced with a full-fledged sequel starring Eddie Murphy and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, making this the second or third mid-life crisis of Eddie Murphy's career.
Speaking of mid-life crises starring Eddie Murphy ...
#5. Triplets (The Sequel to Twins)
Starting in the late '80s, director Ivan Reitman began randomly throwing Arnold Schwarzenegger into situational comedies, the first of which was Twins, a premise built entirely around the fact that stars Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito look nothing alike.
"Not with our pants on we don't."
We thought the world had moved on, but earlier this year, the aged bulk of Black Forest ham that is Arnold Schwarzenegger revealed that he, Danny DeVito, and Eddie Murphy have signed on to appear in a sequel titled Triplets (original working title: These Three Motherfuckers Can't Possibly Be Related). Because evidently the same joke has only gotten funnier since 1988.
#4. Army of Darkness 2 (Evil Dead 4)
The Evil Dead franchise (Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, and Army of Darkness) has already seen a remake that will soon be getting its own sequel, so clearly the next logical step was to create a fourth installment of the original series and title it as a direct sequel to the third film, because apparently the producers attended the Sylvester Stallone School of Confusingly Titled Sequels.
However, Army of Darkness came out 21 years ago, and series star Bruce Campbell, now well into his 50s, even joked that the new film will be about his character fighting zombies in a walker and making frequent pauses to catch his breath. Although in fairness, that sounds way better than all the bullshit James Franco movies that series director Sam Raimi has been churning out for the past decade.
#3. Beetlejuice 2
After spending nearly three decades convincing us that the brilliance of his early career was a fluke, Tim Burton is finally getting serious about making a sequel to Beetlejuice. Michael Keaton is also in talks to return as everyone's favorite undead sex offender, because without him there would literally be no point in pursuing the project any further.
Neilson Barnard/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
As proven by the failed MTV reboot earlier this year.
The script was reportedly written by the same magnificent bard who penned the screenplay for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, so there's absolutely no way this movie will turn out to be a terrible piece of haunted shit.
#2. Blade Runner 2
Even though the original has seen more revisions and rereleases than a rap album, Ridley Scott has been moving forward on a Blade Runner sequel, armed with a script written by one of the five screenwriters responsible for Green Lantern. Obviously, the most incredible part of that statement was that it took five people to come up with Green Lantern, so here's something more interesting -- Harrison Ford has expressed that he would be interested in reprising his role as Deckard in the sequel if Scott asked him to. This is about as much enthusiasm as Harrison Ford can be expected to muster for anything, so he probably really means it.
"I can barely contain myself!"
The appearance of a noticeably decades-older Ford in a Blade Runner sequel would pretty much answer that age-old debate of whether Deckard is a replicant, unless the Tyrell Corporation rolled out a confoundingly popular "harrumphing great-uncle" model between movies and we're dealing with an entirely different Deckard.
#1. Top Gun 2
Hollywood has been threatening to make a sequel to Top Gun for years, but when the original film's director, Tony Scott, died last year, it seemed he took the idea of a sequel with him. Which was probably just as well, because gathering the entire original cast of Top Gun back together would just seem like a bunch of terrifyingly old men alongside the comically un-aged Tom Cruise. The rivalry between Maverick and Iceman would seem particularly cruel, considering Tom Cruise is still Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer now resembles an unbaked croissant.
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However, we should have known that a tragic death isn't enough to keep Maverick on the ground, and producer Jerry Bruckheimer announced that the film is moving forward, because after unleashing The Lone Ranger on us, Bruckheimer is content to just remake movies that everyone liked 30 years ago.