Being a news anchor is a tough gig. Everything you do is live, leaving no room for errors. Also, the goddamn pancake makeup you wear on the air smothers your pores, so they're constantly screaming for help as you try to read the news soberly and solemnly, like a Greek statue slowly coming to life.
It's only those first two problems that result in some hilarious TV moments, though. Here are five recent news screw-ups that bewildered an unsuspecting viewing public.
#5. Reporter Can't Stop Laughing (While Talking About Horrific Deaths)
Before Australian news presenter Natasha Exelby was supposed to read a particularly depressing news report, a studly Irish adventurer was interviewed by her co-anchor, who seemed intent on hooking the two up. Exelby played along, exchanging some quick flirty banter before laughingly announcing that the guy might just be a "lucky leprechaun." (Is that a euphemism for sex? We're not 100 percent sure how Australian slang works.)
He might get joey into the pouch. Yahoo Seriously, no joke.
At any rate, seconds after delivering a baffling attempt at verbal foreplay, Exelby had to read some terrible news, which came out like "One protester has been killed and (snicker)" and "Ten people, including five children, have been killed after a building col-(giggle)lapsed in India." If you haven't met your cringe quota for the day, here's the video:
Exelby apologized afterward, when she'd finally gotten the chuckles out of her system, but every viewer who tuned in late likely assumed that the Joker was attacking the news studio.
#4. Reporter Suffers Nosebleed That Won't Stop
Canadian news anchor Alexis De Lancer was concluding his live daily report when his nose decided it wasn't getting enough attention. So it bled. All over the damn place.
"Your move, Channel 4."
De Lancer initially tried to stop the nosebleed, but once a nosebleed starts, you're at the mercy of your schnozzle's menstruation. De Lancer handled the streaming blood flow like a champ, continuing his spiel while staring dead straight at the viewers at home, which was simultaneously both the creepiest and the most professional thing he could have done in such a situation.
#3. CNN Claims the Dildo Was Hunted to Extinction
Hundreds of years ago, the half-pigeon, half-clown species of bird known as the dodo joined the dinosaurs and the saber-toothed tiger in the brotherhood of extinct animals after sailors and their pets helped eat the species to death. What could possibly have made this sad tale of human rapaciousness any funnier? Accidentally referring to this long-dead bird as a sex toy instead. Oh wait, CNN beat us to the punch in the video below.
While interviewing an expert on how climate change affects animal species, CNN anchor Jonathan Mann flippantly says, "Man-made extinctions have even happened before, I guess we hunted the dildo into extinction." If you didn't watch the video, Mann makes the gaffe, then the expert realizes the gaffe and gives the most heroically bug-eyed WTF face ever recorded:
"Well, they can't all be gone because I'm talking to a pretty big one right now ..."
#2. BBC Anchor Makes His Report With a Stack of Papers Instead of an iPad
Simon McCoy was preparing for his morning BBC announcements when he rushed out in front of the cameras accidentally wielding a ream of printer paper rather than his iPad.
Because nothing takes more precedence than proper etiquette, McCoy neither walked off camera nor gently placed his paper baby on the ground -- he just kept on talking like that bag of paper was what was keeping him alive, thus reminding the entire world how meaningless an iPad really is.
#1. News Reporter Accidentally Draws a Massive Dong
In a story that would make Freud light up like a 5-year-old on Christmas morning, Flint, Michigan, reporter Siobhan Riley revealed a little too much of her psyche when reporting on the construction occurring on local roads. Drawing out the area that would be cut off, Riley starts off with two round shapes, one long line that curves just ever so slightly, another ball at the top, and then a line parallel to the first to top it off. Which ultimately resulted in this:
To be fair, that is a pretty accurate depiction of city construction projects.
Without realizing what she had done, Riley continued her report on the construction traffic zone, aka everywhere inside the giant dick. News flash, people of Saginaw, Michigan: You've secretly been driving through a giant's urethra.
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