The 1990s were a simpler time when Tim Burton still made movies people wanted to see and the entire staff at Buzzfeed was just graduating middle school. It's also the new vein for nostalgic bullshit, as everything from acid-washed jeans to jelly shoes is now making a terrible comeback.And thanks to our reflective longing it appears that the very same headlines stored in that dusty attic copy of Sky Magazine are making yet another go-around like we've all stepped into that time machine Urkel invented to get rich in the '70s.
We're feeling the sudden urge to freebase a pair of hammer pants.
Anyone else remember that episode? How about Sky? Remember Sky?
#4. "Optimism High over New Star Wars Trilogy!"
Can you feel it? The predictions, special re-releases, and the celebration conventions for the new upcoming Star Wars trilogy are upon us. Who isn't excited? It's almost as if everyone didn't go through the exact same thing back in the late '90s when Lucas announced the then-hopeful Phantom Menace, a film that only last year got its own nostalgic re-release despite being generally terrible.
This kid can now legally drink to wash away the memory of this film.
It's nostalgia at its finest, ramped up by the fact that they will be making the new ones on 35mm film with the writer from the original films from the '70s, otherwise known as that era everyone in the '90s couldn't get enough of.
Only '90s kids will get this.
That's right, kids, enjoy it while you can. Trust us, the version of the film that exists in your imagination right now is way better than what you'll actually get.
#3. "'N Sync Kills It at the VMAs!"
Fun fact: There isn't a single boy band that was actually good. People remember them fondly because they were either A) too young to have taste or B) having frequent amounts of adolescent sex during their popularity. That's it. For example, back at the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards, 'N Sync didn't even think to give Justin Timberlake so much as a close-up.
Cut to last weekend's VMAs and they're giving him all sorts of made-up awards. And to top that off, guess who the mother-in-charge is?
Kevin Mazur / WireImage / Getty
Didn't we say goodbye to these guys like, three times?
If you missed it, that would be 'N Sync once more bringing down the house at last weekend's 2013 Video Music Awards, literally transforming fellow performers into 13-year-old girls as the likes of Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga freaked the fuck out, but not in their usual scary way.
#2. "Ben Stiller Making Reality Bites!"
Anyone under 25 probably knows Ben Stiller best as that guy whose comedic peak involved having his balls stuck in a fancy pants zipper, but before that Ben was not only a pretty promising actor but also a director, as well. His debut was the twentysomething Gen-X comedy Reality Bites, a film so fucking '90s that it had Lisa Loeb on the soundtrack.
It couldn't be more '90s if it had blown an intern in the Oval Office.
It certainly was a great time for sarcastic young adults, and now almost a score later it looks as if Stiller is trying to reclaim that original spark with the announcement of a Reality Bites television show -- which once more follows lead character Lelaina Pierce in 1990s Houston sharing an apartment with slacker roommates. Because if there's one thing the kids today are into, it's '90s-era slackers sitting around an apartment in Texas.
#1. "Jurassic Park a Worldwide Hit!"
The year is 1993, and paleontologists everywhere were getting wasted and going to see Jurassic Park, a film later declared as the biggest movie ever after completely dominating worldwide box office sales:
If you're wondering ... no, it wasn't released in 3D. That would be a headline about last month's re-release that declares yet again that a film from the same year as Beanie Babies is currently beating out every other movie for ticket sales. While great news for the film's staying power, it's probably not the best sign for Hollywood that the rest of the world would rather watch a movie they've already seen than risk it with bald Matt Damon.