I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Kanye West wrote a “book.” I put “book” in sarcastic, douchey, Internet quotes because I don’t know if something is technically a book if it’s 52 occasionally blank pages with gems like “Get use to getting used!” taking up full pages. (As a quick sidebar to people who publish crappy, poorly-written books, I’d like to point out that my book, Holla Atta Bitch: The Gentleman’s Guide to Snaggin’ Skanky Blonde Hoodrats is still shockingly without a publisher. I await your fat bag of money with a dollar sign.)
Now, as we all know, Kanye isn’t a stranger to out-of-the-ordinary decisions. There was that indecipherable rant from a while back, and his inexplicable decision to stop making award-winning rap albums in favor of a shitty, auto-tune-saturated sonic disaster. Kanye does weird stuff.
The thing is, I thought a lot of Kanye’s strange, quirky behavior was all a part of his act. His brat-sent-to-bed-without-dessert reactions to Grammy snubs, his bizarre videos, the fact that he blogs in ALL CAPS; I assumed it was all his “bit,” you know? He clearly wants to go down in history as some kind of unpredictable, eccentric genius and, hey, he probably could’ve gotten away with it. The history of pop music is littered with odd, eccentric lunatics that are now considered geniuses, and Kanye just wanted to be one of them. If he can convince people that he’s got Prince-levels of eccentricity, more power to him.
Zzzzapp! Zzzzapp!
But now that I’m seeing this ridiculous book of what he perceives to be Confucius-esque witticisms, I’m not so sure. It’s not enough that he’s written a crappy book–he’s gone on record as saying that he’s a “proud non-reader” who doesn’t see the value in books. Now, I’m not an accomplished author or anything (until Holla Atta Bitch goes platinum or whatever it is that books do), but I think the first rule of book-selling is “Don’t tell your book-buying audience that reading books is stupid and worthless.”
Which leads me to my concern: What if Kanye isn’t an eccentric genius and, worse, isn’t even trying to feign eccentricity? What if Kanye didn’t spout off a bunch of quirky, polarizing diatribes because he wanted to go down in history as a creative genius, but because he is, in fact, a complete fucking moron? The question we have to ask, then, is “What if Kanye West is retarded?” and everything Kanye’s ever said and done takes on an entirely different context when you view it through this new lens.
Kanye’s Book
Kanye claims he’s publishing the book because he often gets misquoted, and he’s trying to combat that. This is actually a wise move; eliminate the middle man of media and take your marketing and public relations into your own hands and you can be a totally free artist. The book itself, which isn’t actually about ensuring Kanye gets accurately quoted and seems more concerned with GIANT BRIGHT LETTERS and quick-hitting, almost-clever proverbs, is goofy and inoffensive. It would be a perfect toilet book and just another piece to add to Kanye’s collection of bizarre and unpredictable career moves. One more thing to add to the legend he seems bent on creating for himself.
But What if Kanye West is Retarded?
If Kanye West is retarded, then he genuinely believes this book contains useful words to live by, and that is horrifying.
Exhibit A is, of course, the fact that his book (which includes pearls of wisdom like “I hate the word hate!”), was not written alone. That’s right, this 52 page, multi-colored, spiraled collection of toilet paper was coauthored by J. Sakiya Sandifer. Why Kanye needed a second author is beyond me (”Hey, what’s another word for hate?” “Hm….Hate?” “NICE!”), but it’s not at all confidence-inspiring, especially when you consider what made it into the book:
In addition to that being completely stupid, it should be “used to,” not “use to.” Now, I’m not going to pretend my spelling and grammar are always perfect, but seriously Kanye and other author whose name I’ve already blocked out, there’s only, like, eight different words in your entire book. You really want to make those count. There’s also a beautiful irony in an author misspelling words in his debut book after he publicly denounces school and reading as useless. Wait, that’s not irony. He’s illiterate.
Also Kanye said that he “wouldn’t want a book’s autograph.”
So… there’s that.
Kanye West vs. College
For two whole albums, Kanye rails against college and education in general. At first glance, it seems likely that he detects some discrimination in Chicago’s public school system. It’s possible, based on his own success that occurred independent of formal schooling, that he thinks the whole system is inefficient, or that the wrong set of skills are being encouraged. That’s admirable. Plenty of intelligent people embrace unschooling, a practice that seeks effective alternatives to conventional education.
But What if Kanye West is Retarded?
If Kanye West is retarded, it means that he wrote two albums attacking college because he gets frustrated with complex numbers and words that are a) longer than three syllables and b) not written in all caps.
Kanye West’s Shoes or Name Change or Something
Broadcasting from a hotel room in what he alleges is Paris (”PAREEE!”), Kanye announces that he a) has some delicious champagne, b) has his own Louis Vuitton shoe and that c) due to circumstances beyond his or anyone’s control, he needs to change his name. He says “I’ve been called the Louis Vuitton Don,” (despite the fact that the only person I’ve ever heard using that phrase to describe Kanye was, in fact, Kanye), but he declares that his new name shall be “Martin Louis the King… Junior.” Strange, but it also means that Kanye can add shoe designer to his already impressive track record. And that sure is some kind of… something.
But What if Kanye West is Retarded?
Then it was perhaps irresponsible of us to give him champagne and leave him alone in a hotel room.
Kanye West VS. George Bush
You all remember what happened. A few years ago, Kanye West went on TV in the middle of a disaster, veered off teleprompter and barked “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” At the time, I thought it was either a passionate, gut reaction (albeit, an ill-advised one) or just a calculated rant under the guise of outrage, designed to make controversy and headlines. If that’s the case, to his credit (or colossal shame, depending on whether or not you think seeking headlines in the middle of a disaster can be considered admirable) it worked. In either scenario, we have an artist who isn’t afraid to get political and challenge the highest American authority, which is a sure-fire way to earn your spot in the Insane Musician Hall of Fame.
But What if Kanye West is Retarded?
If Kanye is retarded, it obfuscates things a little bit. To get a better grasp on the situation, I did the follow-up research that I never did at the time of the incident. Apparently, Kanye did an interview regarding his comments shortly after his words, and he explained that he honestly believed that people might understand him better based on his comments. He didn’t make any motions towards either apologizing or expanding on his sound bite, he just thought, “Hey, that comment gives people a good introduction into who I am as a person. Me.”
Hurricane Katrina was wonderful for Kanye’s public perception.
And what exactly did he think people understood? Not that he was a goon, or a shameless opportunist, no. He felt that the words showed the world that he had, in his words, “little baby Tourette’s, maybe not quite diagnosed” as evidenced by how “the truth just comes out accidentally like what’s off the top of [my] mind.”
So, here is the list of things we need to understand based on Kanye’s statements…
A) Kanye West genuinely thinks he suffers from an undiagnosed form of Tourette’s;
B) Kanye West thinks Tourette’s syndrome is when you accidentally speak the truth in the heat of the moment;
C) Kanye West believes that people will understand him better now that they’re aware of his undiagnosed, nonexistent condition.
…and our conclusions are, respectively, “No you don’t,” “No it isn’t” and “You’re an idiot.”
The final and strangest point we can take away from his interview is that Kanye West seems to think that the degree of severity of Tourette’s is measured on some kind of Baby Scale, where mild, sporadic adult onset Tourette’s is classified as “little baby Tourette’s” and, we can presume, more persistent and traumatic cases can be classified as “enormous super baby Tourettes.”
As a sidebar, while it may not be Science’s preferred method for measuring the severity of a disease, “little baby Tourette’s,” is a truly hilarious phrase. One of these days I’m going to invent a face-shitting cocktail that renders the drinker immediately incapable of controlling their speech and I am hereby officially calling shotgun on the rights to “Little Baby Tourette’s” as the name of said drink.
This entry was posted on Friday, May 29th, 2009 at 3:00 am and is filed under Kanye West. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 21st, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I loled so hard. DOB is a genius.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
This is. This is. This is my favorite cracked article ever.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
lol! Kanye IS retarded.
November 14th, 2009 at 11:23 am
======
Quoting Danielle T:
“To whom it may concern,
I was reviewing some of the material and realized that there were some articles that stand out to me for negative reasons. The use of the word “Retarded” is highly offensive and hurtful. The fact that writers use it in such a nonchalant way is rude. It is similar to any other stereotype or internalized prejudice. By using such a word, you are contributing to the stigmatization of people who have mental illnesses. Despite what people may think, they are not “crazy” or “retarded” but they are sick and in need of wellness. By using such terminology against them it appears that you are alluding to the fact that it is something that they are in control of and are choosing to act in a way that goes against the norm. I am in no way trying to be rude myself. I merely wanted to stress the importance to you that, along with all other stereotypes, we should act in a way that is truthful and honest. That way, in my opinion, is through acceptance of all people. Use of such demeaning words promotes divisions in society, which although natural and necessary, are sometimes (knowingly or not) capable of excluding certain types of people due to their stigma. It is for this reason that we should strive to be more sensitive with the use of stereotypical words because for some people they mean different things. All I ask is that you review your material more closely through a lens that may help to filter out some of the negative words used to generalize and describe certain groups of people, especially those used to describe the psychologically ill. These people are similar to patients of medical doctors who are fighting disease and should be embraced and taken care of, not continually stigmatized and hurt. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Danielle T
Counseling Student”
==========
To whom the word “retarded” may concern,
I was reviewing some of the material and realized that there were some comments that stand out to me for negative reasons. I, and I’m sure all readers, appreciate your unoriginal presentation of political correctness. Speaking as a mentally ill person—excuse me—a PERSON who suffers from a mental illness (I forgot for a moment that word order is important so as not to offend), I find it hard to applaud your sentiments. The way that you and other writers speak in such heightened, or rather, condescending tones, is just rude. It is similar to any of the masses stepping forward to make what they think is a poignant remark and, as is the case here, failing. Let me see if I can explain…
By using such words as “crazy” or “retarded,” this blog’s author is hardly insulting anyone but the person about whom the blog was written. Imagine if I had a friend who was studying counseling, and I said to her “You’re an unappreciative person who can’t take a well-written blog for what it is.” We could generalize and say that such a statement applies to all counseling students. However, we don’t; we know that it just applies to yo—… my student friend. In calling Mr. West “retarded”, the author is in no way attacking those suffering from mental illnesses. He is using a slang term and applying it to one person. A SINGLE PERSON. The very act of your saying “Using the word ‘retarded’ to describe Mr. West is offensive to a specific group of people,” is the same as you calling them such a thing. If it doesn’t apply do them, why should it offend them? If they are not retarded, they shouldn’t be offended or, as you say, hurt by someone unrelated being called such a thing.
Let me use an example that may help illustrate my point: I am not a bad driver; I am, in fact, a very good driver. Now, if someone calls another person a bad driver, should *I* be offended? The term doesn’t apply to me; they are using it to attack another person. If I *was* a bad driver, then the term would apply to me, and I might be a little hurt. Now, you are telling me that these people about whom you are concerned are not “retarded.” Explain to me, then, why they are being hurt? It doesn’t apply to them, but I’m not sure you agree on that. If you are saying they should be hurt, you’ve called them just as “retarded” as the author of this blog has. Thank you for prolonging the streotyping and stigmatizing just as this blogger has apparently done. Think about that, and maybe you should apologize to the people you have hurt by calling them “retarded.”
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Paul H.
Counseled Student
November 13th, 2009 at 6:46 am
But Kanye is the voice of the generation! (has that joke been beaten to death yet?)
Fish dicks.
Gay fish.
Laugh.
November 11th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
From Elliot - “I am sorry to tell you this, but that was the worst article I have read here on Cracked. You are hating on Kanye West because he is just doing what everyone wants to do. That is, what ever you want to do. If you think Kanye West sucks, you are not a fan of rap. If you really listened to rap and were not some white bitch listening to country and techno, you would really enjoy his music. Most of you commenters suck. Support Kanye West. I wish I could say and do what ever the fuck I wanted and get away with it, you do too. Kanye West just does it.”
You are a fucking idiot. As a white, relatively young person into many, MANY forms of music, I can say with all honesty that you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about. Kanye doesn’t RAP, he makes retarded pop music for the retarded pop culture. Want some real rap (hip-hop)? Try Immortal Technique, try Aesop Rock, try Tech N9ne, try Del Tha Funky Homosapien (or any of his awesome side projects)…hell look up any ARTISTS similar to these…they ALL trump his no-talent retarded ass endlessly.
And this recommendation, by the way - is coming from a devout Metal Head and musician whose favorite bands include Decapitated, Lamb of God, and many others you’ll probably never hear of (or have the balls and mental capacity required to enjoy). Take your worthless, half-brained comments and shove them up your stupid ass.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
[...] recently read a cracked.com article about the possibility of Kanye West being retarded. But I’m fairly sure Kanye is just [...]
November 9th, 2009 at 8:12 am
To whom it may concern,
I was reviewing some of the material and realized that there were some articles that stand out to me for negative reasons. The use of the word “Retarded” is highly offensive and hurtful. The fact that writers use it in such a nonchalant way is rude. It is similar to any other stereotype or internalized prejudice. By using such a word, you are contributing to the stigmatization of people who have mental illnesses. Despite what people may think, they are not “crazy” or “retarded” but they are sick and in need of wellness. By using such terminology against them it appears that you are alluding to the fact that it is something that they are in control of and are choosing to act in a way that goes against the norm. I am in no way trying to be rude myself. I merely wanted to stress the importance to you that, along with all other stereotypes, we should act in a way that is truthful and honest. That way, in my opinion, is through acceptance of all people. Use of such demeaning words promotes divisions in society, which although natural and necessary, are sometimes (knowingly or not) capable of excluding certain types of people due to their stigma. It is for this reason that we should strive to be more sensitive with the use of stereotypical words because for some people they mean different things. All I ask is that you review your material more closely through a lens that may help to filter out some of the negative words used to generalize and describe certain groups of people, especially those used to describe the psychologically ill. These people are similar to patients of medical doctors who are fighting disease and should be embraced and taken care of, not continually stigmatized and hurt. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Danielle T
Counseling Student
November 4th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
This article caused me to laugh uncontrollably.
“Yeah… he’s a jackass”
-Obama on Kanye West
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
In reference to KanYes’ post on October 17th. Rain man was a numerical genius and yes the rest of the world was number two by comparison.. however he still had autism. Kanye West may be a lyrical genius, this does not imply that he can’t also have the equivalent intelligence of 4 year old (with or without “baby Tourettes” )
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:45 pm
[...] are ridiculous. Obviously. Even beyond the mind-boggling outbursts of mental deficiency a la Kanye, the textbook douchebaggery of Jon Gosselin, or the walking piece of LSD-inspired performance art [...]
November 1st, 2009 at 10:32 am
[...] His latest stunt at the MTV Movie awards warrants this in depth look into this psyche. Check it out here [...]
October 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am
“CUZ IM A MUTHAFUCKIN GAY FISH! (gay fish ya’ll) MUTHAFUCKIN GAY FIIIIIIIIIIISH!”
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
i love the irony of an outkast fan claiming that someone else is a wanna-be. i am the original black elvis.
October 21st, 2009 at 11:26 am
kanye claims #1? truly retarded. andre 3000 wanna-be, without the talent. bartender, i’ll have a little baby tourrettes, please.
October 18th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Very funny article, even if the idea of him as an author is terrifying. “No you don’t, no it isn’t, and you’re an idiot.”
The links to the Yahoo Music News article don’t work anymore, but in case anyone needs to read an article on this:
http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSTRE54P5L820090526
Kanye’s mom used to be an English professor, but he has no respect for books or reading. He also seems to think that this toilet paper qualifies as a “book,” which is just further proof he has no respect for them. I’d wonder how an English professor raised such a person…but then I see she quit that intellectual profession to manage the “music” career of a narcissistic, babbling, moronic publicity hound. (There you go, W Zerod.) Also that she died of complications related to cosmetic surgery. (WTF? Really?) So…maybe she wasn’t as smart as her old job would suggest.
About rap in general: Yes, some of it actually is good. However, the sociopathic, misogynistic verbal incontinence that makes up about 75% is not.
October 17th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@ HarryBalz008: Calm the fuck down. First of all, your name is obviously compensating for your tiny penis. Second, not all rap is garbage. Way to generalize, you worthless douchebag. While it’s true that a lot of rap objectifies women and glorifies violence and the lowest common denominator, there is a lot of intelligent rap out there as well. For proof, see KRS-One, Lyrics Born, Jurassic Five and others who see potential in not only the black race, but the human race in general.
And why the fuck should we all die? I never did anything to you, you worthless waste of sperm and egg. Go jump in a pool of raw sewage.
October 17th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I AM A LYRICAL GENIUS, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HUMAN BEING IN MUSIC. THAT MEANS THAT ANY PERSON THAT’S LIVING OR BREATHING IS NUMBER TWO.
October 17th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
After reading a few of the other comments I can’t help but to ad my own opinion(s) on the subjects mentioned.
Thank you. Indeed Rap IS “garbage”. It is certainly NOT “music” as I understand the definition. You know the “blending of tempo, harmony & melody”. However I gotta concede, it’s somewhat of a music “form” to those that don’t understand music.
But then, what do I know? I’ve only studied music for 35 +/- years. That’s what I get for celebrating the death of Disco.
PPL like Kanye & LL Cool Jay claim to be “musicians”. I’d like to see how they fair on a beginers’ music theory test. Assuming they can read.
FRANK ZAPPA LIVES IN MY HEART!!
October 17th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
This was a great article. Thank you Dan. Ever since South Park’s episode with Kanye as a closeted “Gay Fish” I’ve been fascinated with everything he has ever uttered. I’m surprised to read so many articles, regarding Kanye, & never read the word “narcisist” as a description. However I feel it’s safe to assume the word “idiot” ranks #1 & is probably the most accurate.
In the event I publish a book I hope I remember this period of Kanye West(mania) sozit I can write my own proverbial truism; “Kanye West’s BFF is obviousley non other than Kanye West”.
Thanks again Dan. Great work!!
October 17th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Dan O’Brien used the word obfuscate incorrectly.
October 17th, 2009 at 9:59 am
hey v0b0….do u know how long lil wayne has been in the hip-hop game.. kanye was not his influence. nice try tho
October 17th, 2009 at 7:47 am
You know I think this article is retarded, Dan. Do you listen to hip hop? I’m guessing this posted because of the OUTRAGE at Ye for destroying the honour and long standing traditions of the prestigious MTV VMAs. Kanye completely changed his genre of music, without Kanye the creativity that’s come back to rap wouldn’t have been possible. No ‘Kid Cudi’ ‘Lil Wayne’ or ‘Wale’ a lot more The Game and formula rap. So really who gives a motherf*ck if he screws with the media. Put yourself in his shoes, people taking your picture everywhere, every girl you see is noted, etc. I think most of us would goof it up and play a clown.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
his attitude is completely childish whether you like his music or not, he throws tantrums and acts like a baby. his behaviour is completely reprehensible and he doesn’t seem to put thought into any of his public addresses.
October 16th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
We ballin, bitches,eatin y’all food leavin dishes
why these n***as always talkin Lear talk Ye?
why i never see them at the Clearport Ye?
why i always hear they at the airport
why i fly daily like im in the airforce
therefore, please stop talkin my ears off
millionaire talk, you haters,
you mad at me cause, your paper,
needs to get it’s muthafu*in weight up (hold up)
i aint done, name one thing that i aint done
it hurts when you say that i aint one, haters
how do i gain your favor, i need to know cause i ca(y)re
i need you to love me i swea(y)r, look he(y)re
see Ye is, runnin the Chi like Gale Sayers,
im runnin new york, i got the mayor, on my pager
you cant fade us, you hate us
i need you, stay the(y)re
i breath you, like a(y)ir,
a(y)ir
where’s all my haters,
i love all my haters
i love all my haters
i love all my haters
October 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
dude calling kanye retarded is just offensive. to retarded people. i’ve met mentally handicapped people way smarter and capable than him. its saying there as stupid as kanye, which is impossible by definition. the only people dumber than kanye are the idiots who buy into his act.
October 16th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
do you like fishsticks?
I AM NOT A GAY FISH
October 16th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Kanye West is the biggest douchebag breathing oxygen ever. Rap is garbage. You are all idiots. Please fucking die.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I agree with Random he has no social etiquette, and he is also a total ass clown with the attitude of a 5 yr old moron throwing tantrums in the grocery store when his mommy said that Fruity Pebbles were to expensive.
those who worship his non creative lyrics and repetitive beats are wastes of humanity and intelligence.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Makes sense to me.
October 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
there’s an episode of south park where cartman pretends to get tourettes, and then he actually gets tourettes. rather then cursing, cartman cannot stop telling the truth.
perhaps kanye west’s understanding of tourettes comes from this episode.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@lolwut - Because if what happened to her happened to you (and you were in her position of fame and fortune), you still probably wouldn’t have shrugged it off and thought ‘Oh well, I made millions off of my generic cliche music’. It’s just common courtesy, regardless of talent, money, or fame, and people should abide by it. Plain and simple.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:28 am
@Chris-Anyone who thinks someone is stupid because they misspelled a word are stupid themselves.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Guys, Taylor Swift makes millions off of her generic cliche music. Why should anyone feel sorry for her?
October 10th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I hate that guy. I have never liked him… even before he said “George Bush hates black people.”
I’m sorry will someone PLEASE explain to me why this guy is so famous other than the fact that he is a complete douche? He is a horrible artist live and has an even worse personality.
It’s not “cool” to just blurt whatever you want out of your mouth. It’s called social etiquette and he has none.
October 10th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
I actually laughed out loud reading this. I can’t remember the last time I did that…
October 10th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
What if Cathy is Retarded?
October 10th, 2009 at 1:06 am
Wow so Kanye is a total retard, but Cathy you are not only a retard, but a stupid racist bitch. Its 2009, can we move on please
October 5th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
cathy needs to be clocked
October 5th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-if-kanye-west-is-retarded/ [...]
October 4th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
My friend’s birthday’s coming up. I’m gonna serve him a glass of Little Baby Tourette’s. Thanks, DOB!
October 3rd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Okay…I love you sir Daniel O’Brien, for writing this article!
Your sarcastic sense of humour is truly inspiring :] hehehe
October 3rd, 2009 at 5:19 am
LOL I SO WANT one of those little baby tourettes omfgzz XD
and kanye
wow
his idiocy makes me speechless, not really, im just saying that nigger is the stupidest motherfucker on the face of the planet!
‘get use to getting used to’ omg im going to say that. hahaha what a fucking monkey! my jesusholysatanbadlordfuckingachihuahainaboxoffuckingchinesefood! this man is a grade fucking a retard! hahaha!
September 29th, 2009 at 5:13 am
As someone who works in the mental health care field I’ve been saying for years that something is not right with that man. I’m sure greater minds than I would be able to diagnose him.
September 28th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Also, this pictures you used were very well places and could not make him look ANY douchier!!! Classic. LOL
September 28th, 2009 at 6:40 am
I have read this over a few times for the last few days and I’ve laughed harder everytime! This is the most hilarious thing I’ve EVER seen written about Kanye West. I tip my hat off to you. In light of his recent VMA fiasco, this is 100 times funnier. Keep it coming!
“…and our conclusions are, respectively, “No you don’t,” “No it isn’t” and “You’re an idiot.”
BWAHAHAHAHA!
September 25th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
This is one of the funniest articles I’ve read in a long while and you just may be right. You forgot his looks though, that was a dead give away.
September 25th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
kanye is probably retarded.
September 25th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Well, if your only artistic inspiration is rapping about being a rapper it helps flesh out your brand image to talk garbled attention-grabbing shit at every opportunity. Our primate heritage ensures that even some apparently intelligent people will seriously consider any howlingly stupid statement made by any person of sufficient fame and status. You get some respected bod like Germaine Greer appearing on the TV nodding sagely, doing an inkblot-job on the lyrics of ‘Run This Town’, implying that Jay-Z, Rhianna and Kanye are the new Marx, Engels and Quincy M.D.
Serious people can study pop culture; unfortunately they sometimes fall into the trap of taking it seriously. The very existence of Kanye West could get us all condemned to death in Alien Court. We should be ashamed.
September 24th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
what i read from “nathan”:
blah blah blah.
LEAVE KANYE ALONE!
blah blah blah.
jump off kanye’s dick. he doesn’t give a shit.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in years, but I would like to point out the fact that at least 90 percent of rappers ARE retarded, they all think they were destined to be gangsters because they are black, no other plausible reason and back it up with the words ‘you know what I’m saying’ after every 7 or possibly 8 words to think of their next sentence.. News flash to EVERY RAPPER yes I do know what you’re saying because I just heard you say it because I’m not a complete fucking idiot. That’s not to say the majority don’t make good music.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 am
You My Friend.. are GENIUS!
x
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Your critique is clever and entertaining to read but your negative words about Kanye are misplaced and all assumptions. Also, look where he is and look where you are. He’s doing SOMETHING right. And I don’t see him saying things like this about you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
great article, kanye is really retarded
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:36 am
Slim jim! Woot!
September 21st, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Anybody besides me (I just don’t have time to read the comments, sorry) think that “Martin Louis the King” sounds strangely like a name for a black civil rights hero to whom Kanye owes much of his freedoms and rights? Whether or no, he’s doing a bang-up job of showing that he deserves them, she said, sarcastically.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:31 am
[...] Pet-peeve, Dr. Fox: when people are AW and claim to be mentally ill. Her assertions of schizophrenia are the equivalent of Kanye West’s “little baby Tourette’s.” [...]
September 20th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Wow. For once a DOB article looks like a well though out response rather than an insane and extremely inebriated rant. Of course I love those too.
PS: That drinks looks wonderful. I am definitely going to try it. Also, delicious garnish.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:32 am
elliot, first off i want to say that this was probably the BEST article i’ve ever read on cracked, secondly, it isn’t even about his music. It’s about him being an ignorant douche that THINKS he can get away with anything but all it does is make him look even more retarded and stupid, and the article has the quotes to prove it. Oh and by the way, i am white and i do listen to country and techno, and theres nothing wrong with that because i believe it was TAYLOR SWIFT and not your precious KANYE WEST that won at the VMA’s. See i capitalized the important parts so you’d understand, although i guess since i’m not campitalizing this your prolly just staring at it with a blank stare. Oh well.
September 19th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
your drink will be very limited edition as “After a fire on June 9, 2009, the production of Slim Jims has stopped” (Wikipedia)
On June 9th 2009, The Slim Jim manufacturing plant in Garner, North Carolina was rocked by an explosion that resulted in the collapse of a section of the facility’s roof and wall. Three workers were killed while over 40 others were injured.
September 19th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
this article just makes the whole VMA thing even more hilarious.
Next time I go to a bar, I’ll throw this out while my friend is partaking in a White Russian
“Yo I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish but Little Baby Tourette’s is one of the best drinks of all time!”
September 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
You underestimate the power of “stupidinousism”. K. West will run for the Senate and win.
September 19th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I so fucking want that drink now.
September 19th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Shame on you 1)Shame on you for picking on a retard. 2)Shame on you for giving retards a bad name. 3) Shame on you for not putting the entire article in ALL CAPS. If you’re going to write about someone, you should at least have the decency to put it in a language they can actually understand.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
well elliot since his new album is fuking techno i guess that makes u the ignorant bitch bcuz u couldnt connect those dots, congrats on making it through the whole article tho
September 18th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Kanye West is, was, and always will remain to be a horrible trend. His rapping sucks, his beats were horrible, and the man is mentally challenged.
Someone defended him as being able to do whatever you want, but that’s an immature rationalization for horrible behavior. That’s like someone accusing you of doing drugs(even if you’re not), and then going out and doing drugs to spite them for wrongfully accusing you of doing drugs, thereby validating their formerly false claim that you are doing drugs.
Trey Parker hit Kanye’s nail on the head, with the gay fish episode of South Park. Trey Parker is more the eccentric genius then Kanye, and you NEVER hear about him in the media, especially not after any moments of “Little Baby Tourette’s”.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Anyone remember how he rapped about being on the short bus… Guess that must’ve been a hard experience for him growing up.
“You trying to put me on the school bus with the space for the wheel chair
Im trying to get the car with the chromey wheels here”
Oh Kanye, we should have known sooner but all the signs were there. Now here is a round piece of paper and a safety pencil for you to write down your adorable little rhymes.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
I just wish that he wasn’t so damn stupid. I actually really liked Kanye when he first got out there, but now I’m seeing a resemblance between him and the ignorant ass I see, who enjoys spewing stupidity off in random directions, mistaking his own words for genius observations. This article was hilarious.
September 18th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I am sorry to tell you this, but that was the worst article I have read here on Cracked. You are hating on Kanye West because he is just doing what everyone wants to do. That is, what ever you want to do. If you think Kanye West sucks, you are not a fan of rap. If you really listened to rap and were not some white bitch listening to country and techno, you would really enjoy his music. Most of you commenters suck. Support Kanye West. I wish I could say and do what ever the fuck I wanted and get away with it, you do too. Kanye West just does it.
September 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
That was funny as hell!!!! I personally liked Kanye’s first album but have been severly disapointed by the ammount of retarded shit that spews out of his mouth!!!!!!!
September 18th, 2009 at 10:31 am
haha i love the fact that people think this was written after the vma incident. look at the date: MAY 29th! dob isnt jumping on the bandwagon.. he was driving that shit before the taylor swift fans jumped on. if anything, the vma incident proved that dob is onto something here. if anything he’s trying to give kanye an excuse rather than just chalking it up to him being an asshole.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:20 am
NoBamaPlz. You’re suggesting that due to Kanye being an “idiot/douchebag/egotistical/(insert any other insult), he makes good music. While your argument has no logical flaws it is inherently flawed in the face that you’re a fucking moron and Kanye can’t write music for shit. He differs from an ordinary rapper only in being less intelligent and (if it can even be done) more self centered.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Hey NoBamaPLZ - o please stop ruining cracked with comments like this one. You are one of those people who look at DOB as someone who is an idiot/douchebag/egotistical/(insert any other insult), when really he is a genius. Look at it this way if DOB didnt have that personality, that EGO, where would his writing be? He would just be another ordinary writer, but he invented that personality to create publicity. And stop ruining cracked comments and think of something original instead of jumping on the hatewagon of taylor swift fancreeps. lame article froma washed up commentor.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Hey Dan-o please stop ruining cracked with articles like this one. You are one of those people who look at Kanye West as someone who is an idiot/douchebag/egotistical/(insert any other insult), when really he is a genius. Look at it this way if Kanye didnt have that personality, that EGO, where would his music be? He would just be another ordinary rapper, but he invented that personality to create publicity. And stop ruining cracked and think of something original instead of jumping on the hatewagon of taylor swift fancreeps. lame article froma washed up writer.
September 17th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Kanye didn’t embarrass anyone, he had a “moment”. Truth be told, he’s far from the biggest prick or bully in hip - hop. There was a great article about this in spatterblog.com.. so let it go and stop jumping on the mainstream media’s bandwagon.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:25 am
An absolute instant classic. Brilliant work.
I’m ordering a Little Baby Tourette’s this weekend during a bachelor party in Vegas … and will be sure to stuff some Slim Jim in my pocket to ensure it is properly garnished!
September 17th, 2009 at 3:47 am
he needs to be destroyed!
September 17th, 2009 at 2:34 am
i seriously want to stop him, but how?
September 16th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
I actually think you are 100% correct. It all makes sense!
September 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I think a peed a little at the end from laughing too hard…DOB is one funny mother fucker.
September 16th, 2009 at 9:26 am
http://www.ihateyounatalie.com/?id=1846644
September 16th, 2009 at 9:11 am
This is hilarious. I think you may be right that Kayne is indeed retarded.
September 16th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Everytime Kanye opens his mouth, and this article only strengthens my belief, that Kanye is essentially Tracey Jordan from 30 Rock.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:44 am
OHMYGOD. I can’t stop laughing.
September 16th, 2009 at 3:20 am
Oh wow. This was awesome. I think an addendum is in order for this article seeing that it was written several months before Kanye picked on a 19 year old white girl.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:18 am
Great!! i knew there was something going on..this article is enough to prove to me that he actually may be retardedHAHA..thats all I needed,another man to share my opinion..Bravo Bravo Daniel O’Brien
September 15th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
What’s retarded is that his mom headed a college English Department.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Vishal, Daniel O’Brien does not steal. And just because they both wrote about Kanye doesn’t mean he “stole” the idea- Kanye’s kind of a big topic right now.
September 15th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
[...] What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com [...]
September 15th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I can not remember the last time I laughed this hard. I laughed so much I scared me. You are hilarious.
September 15th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
oh my good lord..you are my favorite new author!!
hilarious!!
September 15th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
love it. excellent point and counterpoint exploration.
September 15th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Just a quick FYI… shadyghost, you seem like a retarded control freak! Not that that’s a bad thing, but I feel sorry for those close to you that I’m sure you try to clone into versions of yourself. That’s how control freaks do.
Politically correct is something do-gooders like yourself put out there as a RULE everyone should follow. You also take it upon yourselves to enforce these rules.
Voice your opinion, but don’t lay your rules on anyone else!
Freedom of speech is still a good thing, even if it may offend a few whacos!
September 15th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
“Single Ladies” by Beyoncé is the most overrated song of the 21st century. It’repetitive, annoying, sexist and uninspired. For Kanye to stand up for such a shitty song/video… Well that just makes him a talentless, retarded motherfucking gay fish asshole.
September 15th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Alright, alright….so I have a new drink and the need to buy a kanye album to use it as a coaster…never before thought to buy anything for the explict use as a coaster. And if your book sir, dan, can live up to the witty cover of yours…i’ll buy it.
ps caitie: the mentally retarded need CONSTANT attention 24/7…wasn’t that part of the point?
September 15th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
calling Kanye mentally retarded is just an insult to mentally retarded people everywhere! Don’t lump them in with him. He’s just an asshole that needs attention 24/7.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
K WEST AINT A RETARD
K WEST IS YOUR TYPICAL NIGGER BOY.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
So… I watched the kanye clip from the VMAs, and this article is pretty much spot on. I think he needs to stop getting media exposure.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:59 am
What do you mean “what if” ????
September 15th, 2009 at 11:44 am
but what if he is a genius retard. just something to think about lol
September 15th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Great job on the article. I’m genuinely starting to believe that Kanye is mentally disabled to some degree and resorts to outrageous outbursts because he doesn’t fully understand what’s going on around him.
September 15th, 2009 at 4:58 am
LOL that’s the best thing I’ve read in a long time. Dead-nuts accurate but funny as hell too. Nice work!
LOL @ “face-shitting” cocktail!!
September 14th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
[...] Related: Cracked: What If Kanye West Is Retarded? [...]
September 14th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
We don’t say mentally retarded anymore, we say intellectually disabled.
September 14th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Thanks for stealing Meathead’s idea
http://www.buddyhead.com/kanye-west-is-a-very-busy-man/
September 14th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
That is the most spot-on article on Kanye West I have ever read. Brilliantly written and at the same time funny as hell. More people should read it, especially in light of what just happened. Love the “Little Baby Tourette’s ” drink also.
September 14th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
@shadyghost
You realize your on cracked right? What are you, a retarded monkey?
September 14th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
wow he is an extremely stupid person who never deserved to be a celebrity..auto-tune makes us all great singers
September 14th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I’m going on to one of those custom personal t-shirt websites after I write this and I’m making a t-shirt that says “I have little baby Tourette’s”
September 14th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
We need to stop making excuses for bad behavior. Kanye is an idiot with money. He is disrespectful and boring. yawn!
September 14th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-if-kanye-west-is-retarded/ a few seconds ago from IdentiFox [...]
September 14th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Amazing article, both humorous and thought provoking. All the standard bashing he’s getting these days just feels like he won something for being on the tips of everyone’s tongues, but your work here addresses the problem, points out “facts” to support its theory, and wraps everything up in a stupendous, “ROFLMAO” bow. Good show sir!
September 14th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
“Baby Tourettes”, lmfao.
But,
what if Kanye’s a genious and we’re all retards?
Never thougt of that, eh?
September 14th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Kanye West enjoys gargling balls. He enjoys eating his own shit on stage. He pees in cups and drinks it.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
The link to this article has been on my page for about 2 weeks now. Last night just adds fuel to the retarded fire.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:03 am
[...] you seen the blog that suggested the possibility of you being retarded? Read it here…. (http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-if-kanye-west-is-retarded/). I read it and chuckled and didn’t make too much of it…but after last night’s [...]
September 14th, 2009 at 9:00 am
I want one of those drinks!!!
September 14th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Shadyghost - although the article is (very) funny, Daniel O’Brien is also asking a serious question. It’s possible that West is actually borderline retarded in that he lacks intellectual and/or emotional growth - his development has actually been ‘retarded’ (and there is definitely evidence to suggest this). It is a real term and a real possibility, not always just a throwaway schoolyard insult.
September 14th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Brilliant…and I’m not being sarcastic. I loved what you wrote. Wish I had done it.
September 14th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Agreed. Update it!
September 14th, 2009 at 7:17 am
I think this article needs to be added to… given the events of last nights VMA’s……
September 14th, 2009 at 7:10 am
SHUT UP MOM! I HAVE FUCKIN TOURETTES!!
September 14th, 2009 at 6:45 am
I’m laughing, but, I feel like I probably shouldn’t be…!
September 14th, 2009 at 6:20 am
He his retarded, like the rest of our family, we are all a bunch of retards…
September 14th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Wonderful, probing article. And I know the reason your book hasn’t been published yet. Brush Script.
September 14th, 2009 at 4:40 am
This is the greatest blog I’ve ever read! I’m telling all my friends!
September 14th, 2009 at 4:20 am
But I await your new book regardless.
September 14th, 2009 at 4:19 am
It took you this long to figure that out? Who is the retard bro?
September 14th, 2009 at 3:25 am
I’ve always thought that Kanye might be retarded, he has the look in his eyes of a man with a IQ of 60. As if that weren’t enough proof he provides no end of additional evidence.
Did anyone ever read his blog? absolutely hilarious. The man can barely type, spell or string together a sentence.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:58 am
[...] otrolig rolig text som till viss mån kan förklara Kanye Wests okonventionella är denna (länk) som inte bara är hutlöst jävla megarolig, men även, tror jag, något stort på [...]
September 14th, 2009 at 12:54 am
[...] What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com __________________ [...]
September 14th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Hey Daniel just a quick FYI…
If your going to criticise someone for being illiterate, politically incorrect and/or ignorant…
A)Don’t use an ignorant politically incorrect term to do so. I’m sure there are many people who find retarded offensive and unnecessary.
B)Don’t base the entirety of your blog and/or theme on calling out someone who alienates and offends people with a term that alienates and offends people.
C)If you want to be taken seriously as a writer (albeit a funny one) be careful what you write because it’s really hard to take back something once its out there…just ask Kanye.
September 13th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
FISHSTICKS!
September 13th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
[...] clearly a dumb racist fuck. i read this article a while ago on cracked, it seems to make sense. What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com am i allowed to post that? it is related to the thread __________________ I Don’t Know What To [...]
September 13th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
BEYONCE’ MADE ONE OF DA BEST MUSIC VIDEOS EVA!!!
September 13th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
get use to getting used? Aside from the bad grammer, that really isn’t a positive quote. Seriously, if he is the voice of a generation then I want to kill myself right now. I don’t want to be apart of an uneducated, narcissistic, materialistic and racist generation.
September 13th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Well, as someone who does actually have tourettes and has been diagnosed as such for most of my life, I can definitely tell Kanye that ““the truth just comes out accidentally like what’s off the top of [my] mind.”” is most definitely not a symptom as far as I am aware.
Maybe in his own mind it is, but I’m pretty sure that in the real world, it’s really just him being a dick and trying to use a legitimate disease as a cover to get away with it.
Then again, I’m not a doctor or anything, so maybe it’s an as of yhet undiscovered symptom only he suffers from?
September 13th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Hah, after tonight it’s obvious that the guy has some issues.
September 13th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
LOL nice article, I thought this was awesome, definity made my day better
September 13th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
[...] His latest stunt at the MTV Movie awards warrants this in depth look into this psyche. Check it out here [...]
September 13th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Kanye is obviously trolling
Also 808 was a pretty good album sorry!!!
September 13th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Please add his ridiculous outburst at the VMAs to this list of evidence.
He should have gotten smacked silly by taylor swift…I think they are both vacuous fools (beyonce too) but that clearly stepped over the “I am retarded” line into “just shoot me now” territory.
September 13th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Nigger… one fucking word
September 13th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
What Kanye did at the VMA’s tonight might actually qualify for the BIGGIST-JERK, CLASSLESS AWARD ! You’ve got to read this article on this assh… !
September 13th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Me and my friends have seriously thought that he is autistic. Just look at his guest appearance on Entourage a few years ago, it goes beyond bad acting to “are you sure his brain works?”
September 13th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
[...] if Kanye West is Retarded? What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com What if? __________________ Drank a 64fl oz gatorade and 8 slices of pizza. So stfu. I take [...]
September 13th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Please do one more paragraph and make sure to interview Taylor Swift.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
He is retarded! You are psychic!
September 13th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I think you should update this article with tonights event.
September 13th, 2009 at 8:28 am
[...] people he hates and who hate him? I know I repeated that bit, but I just really don’t get it. Perhaps he is mentally handicapped. Gaz and sometime-lover, Anita, yesterday Anita Roy Is Adopted. I’m not adopted, because my [...]
September 8th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
You have perfectly put into words what I’ve been thinking for the past five years.
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Dan, this is probably the first article of yours that I’ve read in its entirety. I can’t directly put my finger on it, but this one actually held my attention. As a bonus it was pretty funny as well. You are obviously quite intelligent (a fact I doubted until I read this). Why do so many or your articles derail into incoherent jibberish? I assume you don’t live in your mother’s basement, have 18 D & D characters all level who-the-hell-cares, listen to the top 40 every week by…damned if I know, Casey Casem probably ain’t it…to update your ipod, or masturbate to hip-in-the-moment politics. Unless my assumptions are all wrong, why the desparaging gap between this one article and seemingly all the rest?
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
why do you not have a book published?
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
You are a god among mortals. A gilded tongue and all that shit. That shit was top draw.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
But what if Kanye West is really a gay fish?
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Agreed…. And I would pre-order Holla Atta Bitch.
‘Little Baby Tourette’s’ in a margarita glass, Sodium Thiopental margarita salt. But I’m fairly sure that shit would put you in a coma….and then perhaps kill you. But upon waking up the morning after getting thrashed on the normal Little Baby Tourette’s, you might want it no other way.
Why are people so ‘GRAAAAWR’ on this article? Jesus Christ.
September 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
Best. Article. Ever.
September 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
oh man i’m laughing my boxer shorts off. This was hillarious. great job man
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:18 am
No matter how retarded, weird, or “untalented” people think Kanye is the fact still stands: He is richer, cooler, and more famous than you and can rub it in all he wants.
September 2nd, 2009 at 8:44 am
I still like Kanye despite his “problems” I just laugh when he talks.
September 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 am
@Adam - and the question mark.
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:16 am
the only problem with this article is that you included the words “what if” in it.
September 2nd, 2009 at 5:07 am
“I am not a gay fish!” LOL
September 1st, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Josh, you’re a fagot. Stop looking up to retards.
September 1st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
joshua loves kanye
September 1st, 2009 at 8:51 am
i’m pretty sure he means “get use (out of>to) getting used” you fucking retard.
August 31st, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Dara, that was really funny until I saw how proud of it you were.
But what if Dara is retarded?
August 31st, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Or Abraham Lincoln. Whoever coined that ridiculous quote?
August 31st, 2009 at 8:38 pm
By the way, friend. Oscar Wilde is turning over in his grave.
Tis far better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth, and remove all doubt.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:13 pm
LB.
Friend, using a thesaurus only contributes to the misuse of words because people fail to understand the subtle nuances of connotation. If I wanted to look smart, I’d go out and purchase a pair of thick rimmed glasses and start toting around a clear book-bag filled with sociology textbooks.
And here, since you are so strongly opposed to the use ‘fuck’, allow me to apologize. And just for you, I’ll refrain from using such a filthy, filthy word.
Excuse me, you disgusting pustule, although I’d love to take up your sound advice and begin to feign eloquence by using your new-fangled thesaurus, I’m afraid that my lack of common sense impedes me from utilizing such a wonderful contraption. So, unfortunately, my lexicon will be limited to words that can be understood by the quintessential middle-school student. Woe is me for I’m forever condemned into the abysmal land of vocabulary ineptitude whilst all those around me soar higher into the skies of lucid fluidity. Thank you, LB, for your kind regards, but I am afraid that I am forever, a neophyte of the english language.
(Just for records, I didn’t use the thesaurus.)
(Okay, I lied, I used the thesaurus to find a synonym to the word “fuck” but all I got was a slew words that rhymed with “fuck”. Like buck, duck, luck, muck, suck, tuck. Maybe I can be a thesaurus poet.
And as the duck I fucked had clucked
He bucked until his body got stuck
beneath the muck of the sucking…fuck?
Ah, fuck it, I hate poems.
Whoops, I said the F-word again. Are you going to punish me again LB? Do I have to call you daddy again?
August 31st, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I think you’re right. Kanye West may very well be retarded.
August 30th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Kanye West is a GAY
FISH!
August 28th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
That’s all well and good but if you honestly think George Bush gives a shit about black people you’re dumber than Kanye.
August 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Dara, just in case you feel like expanding beyond junior-high vocaubulary, may I suggest that you use synonyms? After all, if you don’t use the work ‘fuck’ repeatedly you can at least deceive people into believing that you aren’t a complete moron, instead of proving their suspicions correct. I mean seriously, people can tell when you don’t really know the words you’re using, or who you refer to.
http://thesaurus.reference.com/
^ Really. It’s in everyone’s best interest.
“‘Tis better to remain silent and ignorant, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
August 26th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Dara please, for the sake of your own sanity, you need to leave your mom’s basement and get some fresh air at least once a year.
And when you do finally go outside, don’t be alarmed! That giant ball of light in the sky is the sun.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:16 am
And Jesus Christ, Bria Turner, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you huff paint when you were younger? Did you live in a house painted with lead based paint? Did your parents smoke crack while you were in there? What happened? I’m concerned, there couldn’t possibly be any reason why you’re such a fucking idiotic cum-muffin unless something happened that interfered with your brain growth and development. I mean, do you need help or something? Have you done too much E? Please, please, don’t tell me that you’re naturally this fucking daft, because if you are then I’m just going to pull an Elliott Smith and stab myself twice in my chest.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:10 am
And for the love of all that is honest in this goddamn disgusting pit of a world we live in, Mozart was the shittiest, most god-awful glob of semen to ever compose anything. I played a violin for well over 7 years and that might not be a very lengthy amount of time, but I know the difference between playing a sub-par Mozart to Wagner.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:05 am
And don’t ever, ever, fucking put Nietzsche and that piece of dog shit in the same fucking sentence together.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Look, someone as mentally incapable of forming an intelligent phrase as Kanye West shouldn’t be associated with Hip Hop in general. There are always exceptions to every genre, like the Cramps shouldn’t be associated with the Dead Kennedy’s but they are because they both belong to the same musical genre. That applies to hip hop as well; sure Kanye West, Soulja Boy, Lil’ Wayne, Dope nigga (or whatever you bufoons call each other nowadays) are labeled in your iTunes as “Hip-hop” but they aren’t the face of hip-hop. Look at these underground artists that actually make music that is multifaceted, Jay-electronica, The Roots, GZA. I mean, there are albums that could make you practically cry (i.e. Liquid Swords, notably the song 4th Chamber).
Mick, seriously, don’t be an ignorant, belligerent, pretentious dick. If you prefer your own personal genre, that’s fantastic, good for you man. Just don’t go around pissing off people who probably know more about hip-hop than you ever will.
Spiff is right, you can’t determine intellect towards a single path.
In proof, I’ll past the lyrics for one of the best verses in Vordul Mega’s verse in B-boy Alpha and Jay-electronica’s 4 parter.
“Straight outta the depths of hell
Reflect the sect
And inhale the buddah wisdom
Envision and reflect inscriptions of a mega spiritualism
Paint a picture from the spiritual
And seriously spit a lyric
That’ll rip through a phsyical ligament”
“Don’t get a nigga wrong, I get tempted by the rewards that all come along with nigga songs
But what does it mean if I’m a Muslim and you a Jew and because of that alone we don’t get along
And when you talk like this, and try to walk like this the radio stations’ll never put a nigga on
Just Mims, just 50, just Wayne, just Jeezy, Dem Franchize Boyz, and Jimmy Jones
Fuck that, fuck rap this God-hop,
King-dom mu-sic for the hard rocks
Imma spit it till TRL get it and Hot97 hear the nigga with a bomb drop”
August 25th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
That video of Kanye West saying that George Bush doesn’t care about black people truly showed me how dumb Kanye really was. I mean first he must have ADD on top of his retardation and Tourette’s because took him a good few seconds to realize that it was his time to speak. Plus was that outburst really all that necessary? No, of course not because he’s just a dumb ass. Plus I feel bad for Mike Myers who had to stand along side this shit head.
August 25th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
nigger (urban dictionary)
nigga, niggah etc. al.(noun)1.describes an ignorant, uneducated, foolish individual regardless of race, color, religion, sexual orientation, etc.
kanye west=dumb nigger
k thanks
August 23rd, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I’m totally making one of those drinks… and it is definitely having a slim-jim!
@lolwut - you is not even being any smartur, itz speltd TRIED.. DURR, I tink!
wtf is “tryed”? are you quoting kanye’s book now?
August 22nd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I lol’d at “enormous super baby Tourette’s”.
August 21st, 2009 at 4:39 pm
In addition to my last comment: all the people who posted “ZOMG GET A LIFE UR JUS JEALOUZ” comments are retards, which probably explains why they were fans of kanye in the first place.
August 21st, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I wonder if anyone actually tryed to make that with the instructions posted in the picture there.
also, spiff, you’re a test tube baby. shut up
August 19th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Thank. You.
August 19th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Thanks Shyn, I wish more people felt the same way. If that were the case Kanye would be working at Popeye’s instead of polluting our airways with his nonsense.
August 19th, 2009 at 10:43 am
This is the BEST description of rap music i have EVER HEARD!
“Modern Hip Hop/Rap caters to the retarded audience. Half their songs are about jewelry and clothes. The other half are just immature sex references that sound like Bob Saget’s stand up, except less creative. I believe their target market is kids, and anyone stupid enough to put $2000 rims on a $100 Pontiac.”
August 18th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Modern Hip Hop/Rap caters to the retarded audience. Half their songs are about jewelry and clothes. The other half are just immature sex references that sound like Bob Saget’s stand up, except less creative. I believe their target market is kids, and anyone stupid enough to put $2000 rims on a $100 Pontiac.
August 18th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I think Kanye West is trolling everybody and laughing with this.
Now, for someone who’s making his entire life an elaborate troll and gaining millions with this, he’s either a:
a) Courageous genius
b) Complete retard
c) A complete nutjob that isn’t either stupid nor smart
If anything, I’d go with c. Just to make sure all bases are covered.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Spiff,
You are a retard, just like Kanye.
August 17th, 2009 at 8:56 am
I pity the Fool who IS Kanye West or WANTS TO BE Kanye West…
August 16th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
[...] if Kanye West is retarded? What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com Poor [...]
August 16th, 2009 at 6:35 am
spiff your a idiot
August 15th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Thanks, Mick. After pointing out the horrendously obvious facts that Kanye West doesn’t quote Nietzsche (he must be an idiot) you go on to denounce hip-hop in general.
Was that really necessary? No. You really just sound like an elitist, who sees only one path to intelligence in terms of lyricism and music. That’s just stupid. Poets are great. Classical composers (I assume you’re mainly referring to them) are also great. That doesn’t mean Wu-Tang Clan or Nas isn’t great. Heck, it’s foolish to say so. Words and music can become iconic in different ways.
Anyway, I don’t really feel like putting together a detailed argument against your garbage at 1:00 in the morning, so I’ll just leave it at that.
August 15th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Japan 4
August 14th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
So what you’re saying, Mick, is that we all need to be Garth Brooks fans?
August 13th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
The best of all is those who think that West wittingly quotes Nietzsche at the beginning of “Stronger”. Lest we forget, he purportedly abhors reading. The quote, “That which does not kill me only makes me stronger”, had long since become a common, and most often misunderstood platitude, devoid of the incisiveness of the Nietzschean aphorism. West likely heard it in an action movie, or some other source of popular culture.
And for all of those who argue about whether Wu Tang or someone else is the greatest, you are all philistines. If you want to read great lyrics, you will not find them in hip-hop or rap of any kind. If you want to hear great music the same holds true — except for some choice samples. For great lyrics, you must read the best poets. For great music, you must listen to the best composers and musicians.
August 12th, 2009 at 10:17 am
He’s not retarded!
He’s just a gay fish.
*snicker*
August 11th, 2009 at 7:59 am
you make a fine point…
August 9th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
What if Daniel O’Brien is retarded?
August 7th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Mehfag Kanye
August 5th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
what if kanye west isn’t retarded? what if hes a villainous dick? maybe he’s promoting illiteracy as a step towards the re-institution of slavery among his young, impressionable, fans
August 1st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
http://www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog/?em3106=237710_-1__0_~0_-1_8_2009_0_0&em3298=&em3282=&em3281=&em3161=
July 29th, 2009 at 6:58 am
[...] geplaatst door GenesisX ‘k Wist dat die Kanye arrogant was, maar zo… What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com :’) __________________ last.fm | Kom erbij! Ja, jij! 9:22, personal note: When I was a little [...]
July 27th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I really hated Kanye West before reading this, but now i think i just pity him.
July 24th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I’ve had this on my MySpace (don’t judge) profile for YEARS:
“Kanye West is a little bit retarded, right? I mean, not like Biz Markie retarded, bit a little bit. Right?”
July 24th, 2009 at 1:38 am
Perfect. Kayne’s a retarded douchebag, and the general public need to take to walking up calmly and slapping the stupid out of him whenever he has a Lil’ Baby Tourette’s outburst.
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Hahaha.. Nice article.. really clever. Good on.
July 23rd, 2009 at 10:22 am
I thought that was quite brilliant. Those other people are just mad you executed that so well. Thank you.
July 21st, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Don’t feed the trolls.
July 19th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq6ByFalQAk
Cartoon Voice impressions
July 15th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Thank you, Daniel O’Brien, for this ridiculously hilarious article that literally makes me laugh until I cry anytime I re-read it.
Please keep doing what you’re doing. I LOVE this website!
July 14th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
“What if Bria is Retarded?…
July 13th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
[...] A question to be asked. posted in: Main [...]
July 13th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Oh, Bria Turner…you make me wish I were an emo kid so I could slit my throat and not have to deal with the knowledge that there is someone so truly retarded as you.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Well, as if he was a good artist anyway, many musician hall of famers would either be groveling or rolling on the graves right now if he was in it. Besides, success=/= talent.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Oh, and the fact that you are saying hello to Kanye on an article written by Daniel O’Brien, is hilarious. How should I put this so you will understand? “YO FOO, U CALLIN OUT 4 KWEST. DIS SHIT AINT HIM THO. STRATE UP.”
July 8th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Bria Turner, I think you may be in line for the next “What If ___ is Retarded” article. Oh, and take an english lesson.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Though Kanye maybe eccentric and ill advised I don’t think he is the right rapperto single out for retardation. How about Souljah Boy, 50cent or Lil wayne? These boys are retarded just look at their subject matter. 50 cent can barely say words while Lil wayne doesn’t say words and thinks french kissing your “father” is okay.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
That comment was painfully retarded.
July 2nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
watsup kayne west i know you probably sad right now because michael jackson dead i just want to ask what is your number because i want to call about michael jackson and how did yall first meet and some other things!thank you your biggest fan!if jkayne west was retarded his rapping probably wouldve been with a smile instead of a serious face !
July 1st, 2009 at 10:11 am
Redman isn’t in WuTang, and they have 9 members minus ODB (RIP). Also Wu-Tang plays chess.
Run on the Track like Jesse Owens
Broke the record flowin’, without any knowin
That my word play run the 400 meter relay
It’s on once I grab the baton from the DJ
June 30th, 2009 at 10:11 am
I would then expect him to say, “and the only cure for little baby Tourette’s is to be given as much time in front of the media s possible”.
I am making a Little Baby Tourette’s as soon as I get home. I can only imagine the looks I’ll get at the liquour store when I pick all that up…and tell them I’m mixing it…and then ask for the Slim Jims behind the counter. D
truly dongtastic.
June 29th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I am convinced. Kanye is the Rainman of the Hip Hop industry, considering he has a special skill but is otherwise entirely useless as a human being.
June 28th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
He gives real rap stars, talented musicians and people who speak or breath oxygen a very bad reputation. He needed a co-author to translate “Duh!!” into something slightly readable.
Lets hope when the first UFO makes contact it isn’t with that imbecile. Or say bye-bye planet.
Excellent article, as always
P.S. Does the fact that hes making excuses for his behaviour mean that he is saying that cr*p on purpose. No publicity is bad publicity.
June 28th, 2009 at 2:24 am
Kanya= Idiot, Little Baby Tourette’s= awesome excuse at party for calling a girl fat/ great drink
June 27th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Brilliant. And I thought Kanye was just another brain dead celeb who shot his mouth off about anything and everything. Now I see that he is retarded and should therefore be pitied by rational people who are not brain dead. Maybe we should have a telethon to help him out. He could become the new poster child for Jerry’s Kids.
June 25th, 2009 at 11:16 am
P.S.
While the Wu is great, them being better than kanye is up for debate in my mind cuz:
a)their best rapper is either method or red (both of ‘em r J’s)
b)kanye has said sum pretty clever lines, believe it or not
c)The Wu has like 50 BILLION PEOPLE in it. Hell, im convinced me my uncle and brother were in it at one point
June 25th, 2009 at 11:11 am
This shit is funny as hell. I never thought of it(the situation) like that. i guess i always put his beats and rhymes ahead of all his stupidity- or creativity, if that’s wat u call it. reguardless of his mental state, his mouth spews shit and egotistical nonsense all the time. Damn, another mainstream giant ruined for me.
June 24th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
This was the greatest thing i have read in a long time. Raqwida, learn some first grade grammar and then you can give your opinion. His rapping is ok, if that. His “singing” isn’t even him. It’s all computerized and everyone knows it. Kanye sucks. End of story.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Also just because someone is successful doesn’t mean they are to be admired.
Do you all love George Bush? He was a president.
Tom Cruise? Gillionaire (sarcastic).
Notorious BIG? Before he was killed?
Anyway … just because this guy can rap and made lots of money doesn’t mean he isn’t a retard and shouldn’t be held responsible for being an idiot.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Hilarous man … very poignant.
I read his comments on the Bush thing and you could of definately gone for 2-3 pages on that alone. Keep up the good work. Linked on my facebook, lol.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
You had me at “garnish with Slim Jim”.
OH YEAH!!
June 23rd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
you are.
my hero.
(:
i loathe kanye west so thoroughly.
idiocy should never be given a microphone.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:11 am
This must be true. It’s the only logical explanation.
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
ROFL.. this has got to be the funniest thing iv read all week.. Kanye’s retarded!?!?!? haha
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Wait… “what if”? Really? “What if”?
June 21st, 2009 at 4:57 am
If Kanye was retarded I would still make fun of him. But not to his face. That would be cruel. But behind his back. A lot.
June 20th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Americans and their wits is getting the whole world fucked i.e. our economy at the moment. Imagine if Kanye when for a political career hahaha wouldn’t be surprised if he won a vote for governor.
June 20th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Kayne is retarded. And a gay fish….
Ray Nagin is the reason that NO wasn’t evacuated. Google the NO evacuation plan… it involves hundreds of school buses. Most of those buses were never used.
Thanks RAY RAY!
June 20th, 2009 at 7:51 am
Jay-Z refers to Kanye as the “Louis Vuitton Don” in the song “Diamonds from Sierra Leonne (Remix)”…Just saying.
June 20th, 2009 at 6:08 am
hey Kanye…do you like fish sticks?
June 19th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Oh, and to the people who are hating, if someone’s successful, it doesn’t make them any better, i.e Jonas Brothers. And it’s a joke! Lighten up! Though I myself don’t like most Hip-Hop or Rap, I understand why people like it, and if someone starts saying shit about Metal for example, I try to explain my views instead of just saying “ZOMG ur ghey! i luv kanye hes best! shut the fuck up!!!11one!”.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Lol! Litttle Baby Tourette is a good name for cocktail
June 18th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
You can’t call shotgun! I called it years ago, way before Kanye!
Also, I genuinely believe he’s retarded now. And a gay fish.
June 18th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@ C. Felix, I literally laughed out loud.
June 18th, 2009 at 11:01 am
I love Kanye and I thought this was crazy funny! Especially little baby tourettes! I don’t drink and I’d try it…
@Katie, calm down. I love him too, as long as it’s a picture or a cd because once he starts just talking…………………..
June 18th, 2009 at 10:50 am
The book should talk. the book should say ” (insert somethink clever and funny here and drop the f-bomb a few times.)” Oh yeah. Gigadee gigadeee fifties gigadee. All rights reserved by Mr. cooljooe blablablablablablablaba.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I don’t even know where I am.
June 18th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Dr. A said:
I have to agree with Kanye on one point:
I would never want a book’s autograph either.
Makes you wonder if that statement stems from something in Kanye’s past…
“War and Peace, can I have your autograph?!?”
[Book says nothing]
“Fuck you, you punk bitch,” shouts young Kanye, choking back the tears. “I never wanted your autograph anyway. Fuck books!”
—————
I can see that on South Park!
I want a Kayne show! Something like the Osbornes or Family Jewels. Watching this guy think he’s the genetically engineered offspring of John Lennon, Thomas Edison, Jesus, George Martin, and Corky Thatcher* should be comedy gold.
*Kayne doesn’t know that Corky Thatcher was in the mix.
June 18th, 2009 at 4:51 am
So Katie wants to judge a person’s talent by how much money they make? What a load of shit! If that was the case, then I assume that Paris Hilton is MEGA-talented. Money has nothing to do with artistic integrity. Some people hit it big, and then think that their opinions are somehow more relevant because of it. Kanye is the perfect example of this. He cries and whines every time that he loses an award to someone else. What’s that, Kanye? Nobody else should be awarded because you had to struggle to get where you are at? NEWS FLASH: You ain’t the only one, brother. When he first came out, I was impressed with his skills. He was fresh and new. Then he took that direction of all that auto-tune crap, and I can’t stand any of that shit. Whoever brought that to the forefront of hip-hop should be beaten with a sock full of nickels. Anyhoo, I have lost all respect for Kanye. Personally, I can’t wait until his flame finally dies off. Shouldn’t be too much longer.. the flame is flickering and he is out of matches.
June 17th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
im black and kanye is a nigger
June 17th, 2009 at 9:30 am
I’m surprised Katie didn’t write in all caps to mirror the worlds greast purveyor of literary “genius”.
I put “genius” in sarcastic, douchey, Internet quotes because
as this article speculates KANYE WEST IS RETARDED.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Loved this article.
Idiots are practically worshipped in today’s society.
(The Hills, All Reality TV, Paris fucking Hilton.. )
It’s disgusting.
Nothing we can do about it but read hilarious, witty pieces like this one to cheer us up and show that it’s not so bad having an IQ higher than 17.
June 15th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
While, Katie and Kanye are obviously mentally challenged. (one for doing things that are crazier than shit, and the other for being a fan of things that are crazier than shit) Spectre is actually very correct. The Wu is infinitely greater than Kanye. Hell, the Wu is infinitely greater than all those people in the last post too. (Ice-T even said that he’s a shitty musician. He just made music because he has so much game as he says)
PS: Fuck Kanye West. Man-purse wearing bitch. Fuck Lil Wayne too.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:57 am
LOL@Katie trying to defent a fucking crappy rapper… Who gives a fuck if he has more money than us. These days you don’t need talent to become famous..
So go suck on his dong you little whore!
The best rappers/Hip-hop are teh old kind as in N.W.A Snoop (Old not the new shit) Ice-t, Ice cube, Eminem(Old 95/96)
June 14th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Kanye is much better as a producer than a rapper, I think it’s better when his mouth is shut and he reminds me of a black E.T.. Don’t like the shape of his head
June 14th, 2009 at 7:51 am
Spectre, that one who’s down below somewhere up someones big hairy arsehole.
He’s a cunt licking freak, not my fault I know his secrets either. Spectre hates Kanye because if Kanye is retarded it’s giving him a bad name. There I made it easier, just so you can all understand what this stupid little bitch banger is on about.
Also this spazticated loner who made this just wants some nice attention that he’s getting from all the racist people and retards.
Maybe we don’t get paid for defending Kanye but atleast we don’t try and suck up to this git who made this blog.
June 14th, 2009 at 7:06 am
i just wrote more than Kanyes book
sry 4 typoes shots of flaming abstinth mixed with whiskey till 4am takes it out from the best of us and heres my 2 cents bitches peace
-an 18 year old hiphop listener that has lost hope in all music today residing in NY Queens currently going to NYU. WuTang Forever
*there i put my credidentials so its easier for you people to hate on me after my last comment
June 14th, 2009 at 7:00 am
100% agree i have lost all respect for kanye but as for that fat stack of cash next to him i still look up to because a fuckin retard made that money i mean coem on “i wouldent want a books autograph” and then he writes one 52 pages of blank bullshit and for all those that say “he famous he makes more money than you” ok we get it u want a fuckin cookie? your ass aint any more famous than mine the guy that writes these articles probably makes more money than most of us at a job id kill at just sitting at my ass all day to wait for sum news to come on comment on it and get paid for it and his names on a page thousands look at so technically hes more famous than your broke ass however for those that defend kanye why dont u stfu ur not his attorney you dont get paid to defend him if kanye was in front of me and called me a hater ok i get it he has money he has some rights but for your 5 dollar ass just shut up b4 i bitch slap you your ass is broke too and im not defneding the writer im defendin my right to bitch slap supid people that back up stupid celebrities cuz the fat sack of cash can do it for them them so shut ur broke ass up
June 13th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Dear Katie,
1) You, too, may be retarded. But since you love Kanye so much maybe you guys can have little baby retards with little baby tourettes!
2) Printers. They help you get things on the computer on paper.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Kanye west is a music artist and not a college professor for a reason.
We all know he has his ways but come on now, retarded? Hey, whatever makes you feel good about yourself on the inside.
But if you can find it in yourself to be open minded for once and actually listen to his music, you will see that he doesnt suck as much as people make him out to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qUIkm6xQog
June 12th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Hahaha awesome article, couldn’t agree more!
@Katie:
You’re attacking someone else (DOB) with more success and publicity than you, exactly what your stupid ass is complaining about. You’re just doing it with absolutely no evidence towards DOBs mental retardations, those of which Kanye is obviously plagued with. Fuck off you retarded, fangirl whore.
Love,
CD
June 12th, 2009 at 10:34 am
@Katie:
You’re a twat. Just thought I’d let you know.
June 11th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Ha this is too funny, are you retarded? Kanye West makes bank off the “weird” things he creates, I put “weird” in sarcastic, douchey, Internet quotes because who the fuck are you to judge someone who is obviously thousands of times more successful to you. I read one paragraph of this BS and wish it was written on paper so I could use it as toilet paper. Get off the damn computer hating on someone’s success and start makin your own.
June 11th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Great article. To me, you have accurately described all the reasons why I can’t stand this guy and why I think he’s such a douche bag.
I find that regardless of how oddly he behaves, it always ends up being about him. I think he’s one of the most self absorbed jerks you can find in the spotlight right now.
This is what happens when you give a total egomaniac an audience.
June 11th, 2009 at 5:49 am
before i spend a shitload of dough on liquor,has anyone tried the L.B.T.?I’m not sure about the garnish but it reminds me a bit like my friends drink,where the fuck did i park my car.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am
@randyp (originally u said that u never heard of the man kanye west until u saw south park… which is wat i called bullshit on… But now u’re saying u had heard of kanye, only that u never listened any of his songs… which is a contradiction that confirms my theory that u had heard of him. U dont even have to “try” to hear stuff like that, the music just finds you.)
Just wanted to say it is possible to not know about kanye or his music. i don’t listen to mainstream radio nor do i watch mtv/vh1/etc. i went out to a mall and bought the so-called kanye glasses (not knowing that either) it was until a bunch of my friends saw them and said ‘oh cool you got the kanye glasses’. that was my first knowledge of kanye west existing.(months ago)
ps. still haven’t heard any of his music
June 10th, 2009 at 7:37 am
Second, Zenobia.
Ah…well, he may JUST be retarded; this seems to be the only logical conclusion. Oh well. Could be worse: At least he isn’t a scientologist. Yet.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
So…
Am I to believe that Raqwida Johnson is an actually person of color? Please, please, please stop the madness!
Just because you’ve watched a couple of shows on BET, Raq, does not mean that you have the “black lingo” down in any way, shape or form. So stop making my eyes bleed!
June 9th, 2009 at 9:02 am
I love kanye’s music.
I also think this was the funniest thing Ive read in a long time.
Viva La Vodka!
June 9th, 2009 at 8:25 am
So all you stupid, talking about kanye Retarded. trick stop! yall just mad bc he is black and he making that money. mmhm trust if i was broke i’d be a little bitch too. he ain’t retarded he is talented and yall need to shut the fuck up before raqwida beat some ass. aiight then check me out im out bye!!!
June 8th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
@ kanye who???
My post had nothing to do with my preferred choice of music (which u assume is hip hop) or distaste in watever urs may be… My point was actually contrary to that… that u don’t have to belong to a specific social group or culture to acquire common knowledge.. all u have to do is leave ur bedroom. u dont even need to make a conscious effort..
originally u said that u never heard of the man kanye west until u saw south park… which is wat i called bullshit on… But now u’re saying u had heard of kanye, only that u never listened any of his songs… which is a contradiction that confirms my theory that u had heard of him. U dont even have to “try” to hear stuff like that, the music just finds you.
p.s. now u’re talking about eminem… how do u have knowledge of eminem’s work but not kanye west, when they are both major players of the genre? It just doesnt add up..
sorry for beating a dead horse a week later..
June 8th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
this was 1 of the most gut-wrenchingly funny and true things i have read in a loooong time. i 2nd the notion that the motion of kanye’s ocean is well…a little (in the words of carlos mencia) dee dee dee! thank u 4 exposing him as the moron he is. greatly appreciated, hopefully this flattens the tires on his annoying career. not to say he hasnt put out a “few” (and i use that as accurately as possible) good songs, or that he doesnt have some talent. but the best way 2 describe his career is: a cracker jack box full of stale caramel-less popcorn, with unsalted nuts and the prize is someones old gold tooth (probably jay-z’s lol) but thank u for that breath of fresh air. and i’ll be 1st in line when your book comes out. Holla at Bitch should be held in as much regard as if the pope himself wrote a playa manual. keep up the good work.
June 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Why do you need to insult retarded people by comparing them with Kanye West… what did they do to you?
June 8th, 2009 at 8:30 am
This post had me in stitches. Hahahah. I do wholeheartedly believe that Kanye is retarded and should probably be married to Amy Winehouse.
June 8th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Где-то это уже я читала. Добавила в закладки. Благодарю, спасибо и интересный сайт
June 8th, 2009 at 4:25 am
[...] Here’s Cracked.com’s article on Kayne: What if Kayne West is Retarded? [...]
June 8th, 2009 at 2:25 am
Well, retardation would certainly explain a few things about him and his mother.
Oops, I think I have a case of Little Baby Tourette’s… speaking the truth off the top of my head and all.
June 7th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I love that KingJames says that one of the only rappers that have better lyrics than Kanye are, get this, Eminem.
Last time I checked he “sang” about getting drunk, doing drugs, abusing women (including his mother) and appologising about doing those things.
June 7th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Haha, his albums were NOT intellectual, KingJames. You’re an idiot.
Anyone who can say, “I’m a proud non-reader of books” is the antithesis of intellect.
June 7th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Honestly, I couldn’t care less what type of controversy Kanye causes as long as he continues to produce good music. Although I’m not a huge fan of his 808s And Heartbreak album, I believe that his previous albums were very intellectual for the most part and he is one of rap’s living legends at this point. The only two rappers still producing music that can surpass him lyrically at this point are Nas and Eminem.
June 7th, 2009 at 7:11 am
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June 7th, 2009 at 1:28 am
@RandyP: you said, “That is a bold-faced lie. I’m sorry, but there is NO WAY you haven’t heard kanye west, let alone any of his songs, in the past 7 years. Unless you’ve been living secluded - in a space station, for an extended period, without any human contact, and suffered an affliction of space-dementia, .. You’re just plain lying. ”
Call me a hermit then, because although I’ve heard _of_ Kanye, I’ve never heard any of his “songs” till today. I tune in to rock-only stations, hang out at rock gigs, buy CDs from rock bands. I generally avoid TV, since nothing good’s on anyway. It’s called a choice.
I hate it when people tout their preferred music as “so popular you must’ve heard of it, otherwise you’re a frickin hermit.”
And y’know what? I don’t see the “genius” in his work. Early Eminem is more inventive, more creative in structure.
June 6th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I read the “What the Fuck Happened to TV” and the Kanye West article, and I really enjoyed them both. Those are two topics that have been irritating me for a bit and it was nice to see some intelligent, funny, and detailed, but not overwhelming analysis on the topics. The graphics were wonderful, too. Daniel O’Brien, I’m a new fan.
June 6th, 2009 at 10:01 am
kill yourself, Kanye. do us all a favor.
June 6th, 2009 at 12:32 am
kanye west is a walking, talking tool shed.
burn in hell, kanye.
your first single was tight.
what happened to that shit?
June 5th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Little Baby Tourette’s as a drink name: stolen. Recipe isn’t bad, but need to use somthing to replace the Goldschlager.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Hmm maybe Kanye West isn’t retarded and just likes to mess with the media for fun. Because of articles like these, whether your praising him or hating him, you all are constantly keeping him in the limelight. Personally I don’t care what he does, if I was famous I would probably mess with the media for shits and giggles too……..I can;t believe that everyone believes everything that comes out of stars mouths lol
June 5th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
As I was about to tell all of you “back and forthers” to get a life, I realized I had just spent 30 minutes reading your comments. Thanks for the “Kanye-esque” mindless entertainment. RETARDS!
June 5th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Thank you for making me laugh hard at the end of a painful day.
June 5th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
KANYE = BEAST
June 5th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
I think he’s an empty shell of a man who has been filled up by the madness and false ingenuity of “music” executives who shit out songs for cash and… things, like shoes, clothing and expensive bottles of champagne… But, I’ve never met the guy, he just seems like a douche.
June 5th, 2009 at 10:20 am
What if RandyP is Kanye West??
June 5th, 2009 at 9:59 am
I like how “This Guy”’s worthless rants are rife with grammatical errors, such as forgetting “s”’s at the end of words and using “then” rather than “than”. Also, if you think that “idiosyncratic” is an archaic word that nobody uses, you’re an idiot.
June 5th, 2009 at 4:59 am
it all makes sense now, he is retarded!! when is your book coming out DOB?
June 5th, 2009 at 12:27 am
His music sucks and he’s a gay fish.
June 4th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
SAV says “What if Kanye West is Retarded?”
What if Kanye is retardedly gay? So gay it showed on his strange gay mouth. So gay that he wears the gayest clothes. So gay that you never see him caught by paparazzi with women. It really doesnt matter,,hes making good music!!
June 4th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
@ “this guy” - great, another over-analytical grammar douche whose own limitations and insecurities in literacy cause him to misinterpret one’s use of “big” words and “uncommonly used phrases” such as idiosyncrasies, eccentric, and inept - all during a casual internet chat…
Kid, by “casual” I was merely referring to the informal “freestyle” setting we are in, where nobody (with a life) need fear judgment based on sentence structure and/or spelling errors, granted they are coherent (or rather, understandable). I was not referring to one’s range of “fancy” or vocabulary or “conceited” language use — but thanks for the self-reducing tips on how to be considered “normal” by the “definitive” standards of your own social upbringing.. really…
That being said, I’m also not the least bit surprised that u consider Kanye’s sampling of Daft-Punk as a “Rip-Off”… since, you know, he obviously just stole it — without giving credit, getting their approval, clearing the sample, oh, and totally not getting praise from Daft Punk for its final product. I personally never dug the song, but I’m not so sour as to demerit the validity of the man’s art.
June 4th, 2009 at 7:45 am
I think Kanye and Diddy need to form a self help group!
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I would also like to clarify, that I was speaking of his true man-ness, Dan O’Brien - not genuine homosexual Kanye West, who’s visage inspires in me nothing less than apoplectic facepalmage.
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I am a happily heterosexual man, yet I can confidently say that I would be reduced to Liberace-level gayness should I ever encounter his presence in real life.
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I like big butts and I cannot lie. Man butts. In a thong, and covered in confetti. Ha.
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:53 pm
DOB doesn’t care about black people
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I am a Kanye fan. But to the other Kanye fans on this lighten up it is a joke. Kanye is a performer he does what I need him to do and that is keep me entertained. He is not Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, or the Easter Bunny he is a rapper thats it.
What surprises me is all the outrage flying around by people on this post no one is upset about the comment that “boobs” made “Kanye is not retarded he is just black”. In case you haven’t noticed there are black world leaders, black Rhodes scholars, and as you sit at your computer typing the shit that you thought would be funny just to gauge the reactions damn near ever thing about your demeanor and personality and life probably came from a black person. I know you meant it as a joke but I had to tell you that shit isn’t funny.
Now back to the Kanye thing. He is an entertainer and it is his job to do retarded stuff to get peoples attention if he didn’t he wouldn’t be famous. If you ask me people like him, Britney Spears, and every act in American Idol history are smarter than all of us, because we all do retarded things, but they are the only ones getting paid to.
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Slim Jim. lol.
I was laughing for at least 2 days at random intervals after reading this. Good work as usual, my dear Watson.
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
I dont udnerstand what s so special with Kanye West
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:13 am
Really funny, boobs. Go kill yourself, redneck.
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:02 am
Kanye West isn’t retarded. He’s just black.
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:34 am
I think its pretty safe to say 95% of anyone in the entertainment industry is at least borderline retarded. The other 5% are just smart enough to know to keep their fucking mouths shut.
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:53 am
ONE last thing.
I’m not a “rap” fan.
I’m a hip hop fan. And yeah, music is a lifestyle for me. *shrugs* It’s my passion. And while Kanye isnt the best example of a true hip hop artist, he’s helped keep the game remain slightly afloat by producing songs for John Legend, Common, Slum Village, Nas, Beanie Sigel, Jay, Cam’ron, The Game, Alicia Keys…I could go on. But i have to go to work.
I’m out of this lol.
It’s been fun.
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:45 am
and let me fix this, before every douche hops onto it.
Argument*
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:41 am
Yeah. You’re right. Maybe I am Kanye West. You won the arguement.
Lmao
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:36 am
Also when what’s her name said that she had never heard a Kanye west song, chances are you are correct that she had, but I’ve never heard a song and known it was a kanye song. I don’t listen to hip hop stations, so if I ever heard a kanye song I wouldn’t know it was him. Other then his rip off of daft punk (daft did it better.)
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:35 am
Lml, to be honest, I couldn’t care less about his music, but I don’t quite agree with you saying this article is bullshit.
You’ve completely missed the point because you’re so wrapped up in your pathetic little rapfan nonsense that you pick up everything as an attack on everything Kanye West does, which to you includes his music. Have I heard everything he’s ever done? No, but have I came across his comments in the media and at large? Yes I have, and he comes across as another egotistical, overinflated underintelligent ‘celebrity’ who takes themselves way too seriously.
This article is called a JOKE, you know, have you heard of one of those before?
Maybe you’re secretly Kanye West.
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:32 am
Hey, RandyP, for someone who says this is a “casual” internet conversation, you sure come off as a conceited ass. We’re all glad that you learned how to use the thesaurus on word to pick some big words, but come on, no one use the word idiosyncratic. Also learn to use it correctly, and the words eclectic, and socially inept. you pulled everyone of those so far out of context they make you look retarded. What if RandyP was retarded?
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 am
i laughed out lod when i read “enormous super baby Tourettes.” hilarious
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
And like i had said before, the only reason i brought up the thug thing was because Master Supreme Emperor President Dictator (Dr.) America was arguing that Kanye contradicts himself by trying ot be a thug. I was just saying that he doesnt.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
My “rap” wasnt mine it was Kanyes. Clearly you havent listened to much of his music.
And Kanye is not my favorite by far. I’m more of the Immortal Technique, Andre 3000, Nas, Blu, Prince EA, Common, Little Brother, Game, Lupe type. Shit with a lot of heart.
My defense on this is that the article is based on a bunch of bullshit. And these are blog comments.
Race has to do with how someone talks? I’m a senior at a VCU…so excuse me if i talk like a suburban white kid lmao i’m just educated & a communications major and dont prefer to speak in slang bullshit all the time. That has nothing to do with my race, native language, where i came from or how i was brought up.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
stop critersizing kanye look who cares if he is retarded (even though hes not) he is the only non athlete to ever design shoes for nike and as far as i know the only person who is not a designer to design shoes for Louis Vuitton. i really dont get why people hate him soo much if you listen to his lyrics not his voice he great.
and as a big kanye fan i hate to admit he has a massive ego. like half of the post on his blog have his name in them.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Lml, race has more to do with how you’re portraying yourself. Your little ‘rap’ sounds like something a 12 year old suburbanite white kid writes on his Livejournal.
But while we’re on the subject of complete irrelevancies, I don’t quite see what Kanye West not being a ‘thug’ has to do with his intelligence.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Why should everyone care about someone just because they’re famous? Can you not handle one person who decides to switch off their tv or their radio and not pay lip service to some over-inflated celebrity’s ego?
Personally, I think that person should be admired.
P.S. learn to spell.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:57 am
[...] Re: WTF at peoples attitude to hip hop on this forum Nice. +rep for me The real reason that mainstream hiphop/rap today is so fucked up and retarded is because all the underground artists are speaking out about the fuckedupness of the world and the government, specifically the TRUTH of New World Order [please instead of flaming me for this do some research for yourself]. Good examples of this are Cannibus, Immortal Technique, KRS-1, or really any underground rapper. The powers-that-be control the mainstream music industry, because they own the record companies and promotions. Thus, by controlling the music industry they also control the culture, which is that they want everyone to be retarded, which is happening as we speak [through TV as well]. Already most people have lost their ability to discern music that is actually good from music that is the shittiest of shittiness that is promoted and hyped as good. There is something that is lacking in ALL mainstream music: substance. And that’s the point. All of the values taught in mainstream music are the same - think about it. any female pop star’s message: i’m naughty fuck the shit out of me. any male pop star’s message: I’m going to fuck the shit out of you OR I’m a gentleman, lets fuck. any mainstream rap’s message: i’m going to fuck the shit out of you, and while I’m at it, I’m going to get rich too. what you won’t find in mainstream music today: socio-political commentary, real values, talent. I know some of you would say what about Kanye? He said George Bush hates black people! But here is documented proof that Kanye West is most likely just retarded: What if Kanye West is Retarded? | Cracked.com [...]
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
We’re all entitled to our opinions, but saying Kanye is not a talented, especially when you don’t have any real grasp or open-mindedness regarding his kind of music, is just plain ignorant. U can bash his book, but its evident that too many frustrated people let Kanye’s public persona have a bearing on their perception of his music, which is TRULY retarded, because any idiot can see that Kanye West is very good at what he does. The radio stations, clubs, and music channels which saturate the airwaves with his music, due to popular demand, can all attest to that.
Bash the guy’s interviews and public presentation all you like, but don’t so reckless as pass judgment on a subject you obviously know very little about (hip hop). People aren’t objective, they’re too emotionally attached.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:38 am
P.S. You don’t need to watch tv or listen to the radio to have a clue..
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
Code:
Why is there always that one dousche-bag on the internet with nothing of any real relevance or substance to add to a discussion, who therefore resorts to petty tactics like correcting somone’s spelling errors in the middle of an informal internet conversation? lol.. here I am making a valid side point directed towards something which at least remotely applies to the subject at hand, and there you are driveling on about people’s grammar like we’re turning the discussion in for a grade.. all because I misspelled a 3 letter word in the middle of a fluffy casual discussion? Could you be any more frivolous if u tried?
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Thank you!! I couldn’t agree more with this article..I’m currently in grad school for physical therapy and nothing makes me want to quit more than knowing this no talent ass clown is making more money than I will by writing a book that is intellectually on par with a 1st grader’s bad art project…. Kanye is not a genious, an artist or the voice of our generation that he claims to be, but rather a whiny brat who can’t keep his mouth shut.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
RandyP: “You” has three letters. If you’re going to waste so much time rambling incoherently over something so incredibly pointless, at least spend the 0.5 second it takes to spell it out so you don’t sound like a moron.
Well, more than you already do anyway.
Second, not everyone watches tv or listens to the radio.
I’ve barely ever heard one of Kanye’s songs. You know why? Cause I have this magic thing called a remote that I use to change the channel when he’s on.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
Actually…lml is a hispanic female from Richmond VA.
And what the hell does race or location have to do with this?
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:53 am
It’s official; lml is a white kid from the suburbs called Chad.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 am
In other words, Heather, I know that some people find it cute to be adorably clueless, but there is a line. Being THAT uninformed is just alarmingly bad.. so word of advice - give up the charade, and stick to walking into the wrong bathroom stall if its really that important for you to be the “adorably clueless” one.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:15 am
Heather wrote: “Okay, in all fairness, I’ve never heard a single song by Kanye West. I hadn’t even heard of him until that episode of South Park came out about the Fish Sticks.”
That is a bold-faced lie. I’m sorry, but there is NO WAY you haven’t heard kanye west, let alone any of his songs, in the past 7 years. Unless you’ve been living secluded - in a space station, for an extended period, without any human contact, and suffered an affliction of space-dementia, .. You’re just plain lying. I presume you’re just trying to present yourself as some kind of free-spirit social rebel for no real reason other than to be different? But ya, I totally call bullshit… even the most eclectic, socially inept, out-of touch, idiosyncratic deviants know who Kanye West is, and that is merely by leaving their bedrooms, and being alive. I know Kanye West isn’t exactly high on the list of historical figures one should learn about, but if you were my son or daughter, hypothetically, and u claimed to have not heard of Kanye West, that would raise some serious flags about what the hell you’ve been doing with ur life…Being that out of touch and unequipped regarding world culture and current events, and those who influence it in one way or another, is just unacceptable… and the fact that u happen to even know which channel number comedy central just isn’t consistent with ur alleged social alienation from life, so in short I know you’re lying.
My 67 year old teacher knows who Kanye West is, and that is simply by watching the news.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
oh oh!! and wait..this is just my FAVORITE for the moment, and this article…and all yall.
We’re going to mass today, we have to pray
Besides what the pastor say, I have to say
Since Pac passed away
Most you rappers don’t even deserve a track from me
You see, if you ever wanted to ever be anything
There’d always be somebody that shoot down any dream
There’ll always be haters, that’s the way it is
Hater niggas marry hater bitches and have hater kids
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 am
Kanye over eminem (although he is a BEAST freestyling..), soulja boy, whatever dumb ass group made that song “Stanky Leg.” THEY are the ones killing it. NOT Kanye. Granted, there were DEFINITELY some songs he could have left off some albums.. Barry Bonds.. Drunk & Hot Girls.. And yeah 808’s was different and ppl need to hop off that T-Pain voice synthasyzer shit but to do an ENTIRE article about how “retarded” Kanye is ?? Come ON. And its funny to me that everyone on here sayin how dumb kanye is is talkin about that gay fish video. Honestly…How lame are YOU for even wastin however many seconds of your life that video took up???
The reason i stressed him not portrayign a thug is bcuz someone argued that he does and that that contradicts his music. As i showed..he doesn’t.
“I know that people wouldn’t usually rap this
but I got the facts to back this
just last year, Chicago had over 600 caskets
man, killing’s some wack shit
oh, I forgot, ‘cept for when niggas is rappin’
do you know what it feel like when people is passin’?”
Yeah. Yall are right. Hes a retarded gangster rapper.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:47 am
He may be retarded, but I still prefer Kanye over Eminem.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 am
So he doesn’t try to portray a thug, good for him.
When has he tried to portray intelligence?
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:23 am
@ihateyoukenny
Brittney’s won a grammy, right? Appealing to that isn’t exactly a great endorsement of talent.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:54 am
@Master Supreme Emperor President Dictator (Dr.) America
BriAnna Says:
May 30th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
The book DOES say “get useD to getting used” and he follows it with “To most people, the saying “to use someone” carries a negative connotation, but i don’t see it that way. To “mis” “over” or “ab” use someone is negative. To use is necessary and if you can’t be used…then you’re useless.”
SO that is a crap reference to his “retarded”ness.
Bittersweet, Good Life, I Wonder, Maybach Music… all good tracks by Kanye NOT on the first album. Not only is he an amazing performer but he ghost writes for many artists on the scene ppl know and respect. As dumb as you may think his styles are, his shoes are makin bank for him, and idiots like you are sittin here with nothing better to do than hate on him.
She uses good examples of great Kanye songs post first album. So you’re an editor now, one typo posted in a blog comment and you’re using THAT as a defense?? ok. Have you ever seen Kanye West perform live? He is phenominal.
He never trys to portray a thug image. Ever. And he is always making references about God and how much he owes to him, so what kind of religion you believe idk. He never says hes bustin gats or pushin packs like some of these wannaG’s in the game right now. In fact…he says “I dont’ know, i just want it better for my kids, and i ain’t sayin we was from the projects but everytime i want it, layaway or a deposit, my dad’ll say “when you see clothes close your eyelids. We was sorta like will smith and his son, in the movie i ain’t talkin about the rich ones.”
he doesnt try to be a thug. At all. he walks around lookin like he popped right out of an Abercrombie magazine.
And all i was saying about wishing his kid comes out retarded is that it is so fucking wrong to do an entire article repetively making fun of “retarded” people. Its disrespectful, on soooo many different levels.
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:31 am
You know what DOB? I think Kanye West IS Retarded! Either that or…DAN O’BRIEN DONT CARE ABOUT TALENTED PEOPLE!! WORD!
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 am
I don’t think it was meant to be a joke, you just got caught out.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:04 pm
He is an idiot…
All the way to the bank. The real tragedy is the fact that the legion of idiots who actually identify with this gibbering fool outnumber those of us with the capacity for advanced cognitive tasks (such as reading, tying shoes, or single-digit addition).
And that’s just Robert Brockway. Kanye’s fans are far more numerous, and are annoying on a scale that cannot be accurately expressed without evoking accusations of hyperbole.
Calling Kanye West retarded is insufficient. He is the King of Retards.
June 1st, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I laughed so hard at this article.
Okay, in all fairness, I’ve never heard a single song by Kanye West. I hadn’t even heard of him until that episode of South Park came out about the Fish Sticks. So, my knowledge of anything Kanye West-related is limited to that episode of South Park, and some quote that got published involving him mentioning that if there were a Bible written about modern times, he thinks he’d be in it because he’s so damned important to society.
Based on this information, I’m drawing the conclusion that he’s an idiot.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:37 pm
amuzing article
June 1st, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Panzer: That was meant to be a joke, actually.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:51 pm
@Ihateyoukenny
I don’t get how someone who doesn’t agree with your taste in music has a bad taste in music, isn’t that contradicting your own earlier statement?
June 1st, 2009 at 2:13 pm
ihateyoukenny said:
“When it comes to sampling, Kanye’s beats are actually fairly original.”
Oh, ok. Wait… so when it comes to copying the work of other artists, he’s original? Yeah, that makes sense.
Because when he sampled from Daft Punk and quoted Nietzsche in “Stronger” to make a song that basically says “I’m in a club and I’m so awesome have sex with me right now” he totally understood the meaning of what he was sampling from and thought Nietzsche’s philosophies were applicable?
I would love to see someone try to defend that song.
And as for Dr. Avery’s rendition of Kanye’s childhood encounter, I’m sure it’s right on target.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
So, i’ve got the book. I like it. They gave it away for free at one of his concerts.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Also, @Master Supreme Emperor President Dictator (Dr.) America:
You do know that he’s considered one of the best rappers ever, right?
All 3 of his rap albums were Grammy nominated for Album of the Year
All 3 have won the Grammy Award for Best Rap Album
He’s won multiple Best Rap Song and Best Rap Solo performance awards at the Grammys.
I mean, if you don’t like him, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean he sucks. It means he’s just not your thing. Or that your taste in music sucks. One or the other.
Oh, and yes, Numa Numa was sampled by Just Blaze in some song.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@ Whoever told me Kanye is a lazy sampler:
In Kanye’s defense, he made a beat out of “Diamonds Are Forever” and a Steely Dan song. When it comes to sampling, Kanye’s beats are actually fairly original.
June 1st, 2009 at 11:35 am
honestly guys? universally admired producer? by who? the same fucking morons who make more or worse music than him? i think we can all agree that mainstream pop/rap/rock is all garbage produced to feed the masses because they buy whatever mtv and lots of paid advertising will get them. whether they think they have creative control or not. at his best he raps like a senior at his high school talent show, and even then im sure they have a wider vocabulary then he does. and lets not forget the little bitch fit he threw when radiohead told his ass they wouldn’t be caught dead collaborating with that dick nose. so please stop defending this guy.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:13 am
Genius.
June 1st, 2009 at 10:01 am
kanye west is a gay fish!
June 1st, 2009 at 8:57 am
I like this article. It made my lunch break.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:20 am
Where I’m from, we call this guy “Koonye” West, even my black friends do. Buddy’s a friggin’ joke.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:34 am
@this article is fucking retarded:
Then DOB must have done something right, here. You commented, after all.
See what I did there? No bad publicity, my ass!
June 1st, 2009 at 6:35 am
ihateyoukenny-You’re also retarded. kanye’s music sucks, even when using decent house techno filler (Didn’t someone use numa numa too? i need to check into that)
Bethany- I’m totally trying that drink
Dr. Avery- Damn straight
Technologic- Another Damn straight.
Alex W- Refer to ihateyoukenny (That’s right you don’t even get your own diss)
Bryan- Good luck pulling out whatever is up your ass (No one likes a spelling nazi…Shit actually i don’t think most people like nazi’s in general, you’re like a specialized version)
lml268- you just admitted to going to a kanye concert, then misspelled truly (I see a recurring pattern). kanye west’s (Intentionally left lower case) song Jesus Walks could be decent yes, but then he goes off in public and makes this “thug” persona attempt that A) fails and B) completely goes against that song (he Defecates on my religion and my alphabet…) This is usually the time in a comment when i tell you to kill yourself…but you just wished a retarded child on someone, another douchebaggy kanye-ish thing (the pattern continues) so would that make me much better than you? No…but you should kill yourself anyways
it’s not big enough to actually bash your head in, so maybe use that book he gave you to give yourself paper cuts until you bleed out.
June 1st, 2009 at 2:14 am
[...] Aici. Posted in Chestii | Leave a Comment [...]
June 1st, 2009 at 1:10 am
Well, there’s a reason Kanye’s retardation is appealing to the audience he promotes himself to - they can obviously relate to his high level of stupidity
June 1st, 2009 at 12:27 am
I have to agree with Kanye on one point:
I would never want a book’s autograph either.
Makes you wonder if that statement stems from something in Kanye’s past…
“War and Peace, can I have your autograph?!?”
[Book says nothing]
“Fuck you, you punk bitch,” shouts young Kanye, choking back the tears. “I never wanted your autograph anyway. Fuck books!”
June 1st, 2009 at 12:20 am
He’s a loony, but he’s not retarded
June 1st, 2009 at 12:05 am
ENORMOUS SUPER BABY TOURETTES
i will buy a shirt with this on it, if it has a snarky graphic.
May 31st, 2009 at 11:41 pm
fair enough avery, agreed
May 31st, 2009 at 9:33 pm
oh and also too…… docter avery is a real docter see the Dr.?? part of hes name; oh and also too i hate stubleupon sometimes
May 31st, 2009 at 9:30 pm
The artickel is funy cuz; his kinda of a douche(kanye wets’) his prety danm stupid and that is true and that is my … , opinion.
oh and also too; da poeple that commentd where hilariaus they maesure intelligents a funy way.
i wish i where smart
May 31st, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Halfway to correct is still wrong, Bryan. A semicolon can be used to join independent clauses; however, this only applies when they are linked through a conjunctive adverb or a transitional phrase.
I could debate the merits of hypercorrect English all day, but that would be missing the points of my original post.
1. Correcting minor grammatical errors in the comments section of a site dedicated to dick and fart jokes is the mark of a douche nozzle.
2. If you insist on correcting punctuation, make sure you suggest the right punctuation. You are already a douche, you don’t want to add retarded to the mix.
3. Kanye West sucks.
May 31st, 2009 at 6:54 pm
whoa whoa whoa, bryan, avery lets remeber the real enemy here: kanye’s influence.
but hey lets also remeber its the internet so who really gives a shit about grammer or even spelling for that matter.
hilarious article
May 31st, 2009 at 2:07 pm
comedy gold, my friend.
May 31st, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Dr. Avery, I do hope you aren’t actually a doctor. A semicolon would have worked just fine in the aforementioned sentence. Semicolons are generally used between what would otherwise be two complete sentences. It seems you are the one who has forgotten…
May 31st, 2009 at 12:55 pm
@Alestorm, who said “A bit earlier, ohheyyy24 said:
“its hilarious how people have the time to research and write articles about how much they dislike someone, get a life and do something positive”
By the way, the comma that you used in your comment should have been a semicolon. Retard.”
Actually, your proposed use of a semicolon is incorrect. The two statements are entirely independent, and are thus complete sentences. In case you have forgotten your second grade English, a sentence should end with our old buddy, Mr. Period.
Maybe you should learn the fundamentals of the English language before offering such advice to others.
P.S.
No one likes a grammar nazi, retard.
May 31st, 2009 at 12:07 pm
does he still like fish sticks ?
May 31st, 2009 at 11:36 am
I read this with great difficulty. There needs to be pictures of stuff and diograms with social significance and great sensitivity to others who may or may not be sub-human cockroaches.
May 31st, 2009 at 10:43 am
It’s just because he’s a gay fish
May 31st, 2009 at 9:52 am
I’m totally going to try that drink.
May 31st, 2009 at 8:49 am
Shame on you for poking fun at Kanye’s LBT (Little Baby Tourettes). Kayne is a very talented individual. You should see what he can do with a box of crayons. (If he doesn’t eat them first.) I find inspiration in everything he does. To all the Kanye fans, check out his new album titled “I Hate Vegetables”, it includes the hit track “I Can Tie My Own Shoes”.
May 31st, 2009 at 7:51 am
its nice to see how hard you guys worked on this article. but hey! dedicating a whole article to this “retard” means he’s doing something right
May 31st, 2009 at 7:39 am
this is the greatest article ever i hate kanye with a passion because he is retarded
May 31st, 2009 at 7:03 am
Hes a geinous a vioce of a generation
May 31st, 2009 at 6:45 am
[...] a follow up to the DD’s award winning article on the release of Kanye West’s new book, Cracked has explored the possibility that Kanye West may not be aware of his own [...]
May 31st, 2009 at 6:31 am
Kanye West is retarded. This is news? ALL rappers are retarded. Especially ones with a name like “Kayne”.
May 31st, 2009 at 1:39 am
Whaddya mean, ‘What If’?
May 31st, 2009 at 12:16 am
I’ve always admired ur intellect, guys, but YOU dedicating a whole piece to that idiot is his triumph. You should have put him in some top 10 or top 7 shitlist, concerning this crappy book matter.
May 30th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
@Foxy: sampling is good when it’s used to create something NEW and not to lazily steal someone else’s hooks.
Beastie boys a good example of the former, Kanye of the latter.
May 30th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Before I read any further- @ihateyoukenny: Really?? Using Curtis Mayfield’s and Daft Punk’s hooks is original?
Well, I guess it was when the original artists originally recorded them anyway….
May 30th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
so show of hands, how many people are gonna try that drink?
May 30th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
A bit earlier, ohheyyy24 said:
“its hilarious how people have the time to research and write articles about how much they dislike someone, get a life and do something positive”
Besides having a hilarious lack of punctuation, this person obviously failed to realize that the columnist in question actually has a JOB. You know, to WRITE the articles on this website. Therefore, the columnist actually DOES have a life, and that makes you retarded. By the way, the comma that you used in your comment should have been a semicolon. Retard.
May 30th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Look at me: I am posting something other than, “Kanye = Gay Fish LULZ!!!!111″ and, “What do you mean, if?” MESSAGE TO THE INTERNET: The reason that Kanye West’s music is entertaining is because it is original. So please, at least criticize him saying something original.
Also, DOB, can you post any review (from any legitimate source; I’m not picky) saying that “808s and Heartbreak” was a disaster? I mean, I agree with you that deviating from rap to Auto-Tune minimalist pop was a poor choice, but people seemed in agreement that, as an experiment, the album was a success for the most part. Why the hate, son?
May 30th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
I enjoy Kanye’s music, and I think he’s an incredible rapper. But lately, I have to agree that he is doing really dumb stuff lately. The books is pretty much a form of proving his “genius”.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Yup, anyone who wears those idiot slit glasses is clearly a raging R-Tard
May 30th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Mr. O’Brien = why I visit this site
May 30th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
It is clear to EVERYONE that Kanye West has always been retarded.
Hes a laughing stock
May 30th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
No no no, remember, he’s niot a gay fish. He even had a press conference and a doctor was there and proved he didn’t have gills!
May 30th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
The book DOES say “get useD to getting used” and he follows it with “To most people, the saying “to use someone” carries a negative connotation, but i don’t see it that way. To “mis” “over” or “ab” use someone is negative. To use is necessary and if you can’t be used…then you’re useless.”
SO that is a crap reference to his “retarded”ness.
Bittersweet, Good Life, I Wonder, Maybach Music… all good tracks by Kanye NOT on the first album. Not only is he an amazing performer but he ghost writes for many artists on the scene ppl know and respect. As dumb as you may think his styles are, his shoes are makin bank for him, and idiots like you are sittin here with nothing better to do than hate on him.
May 30th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Didn’t care to read article, what do you mean “what if”?
May 30th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Great article. I thought it was hilarious, maybe I’m retarded for finding humor in an article berating a self-righteous marginally talented, ignorant baffoon; but as a well-adjusted, cognitively enabled, rational individual I can identify that is quite the same formula that has made many comedic entities popular: exposing the absurdity of such scenarios. (the Daily Show, Penn and Teller’s Bullshit, most stand up comics)
May 30th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
[...] not related: A treatise on Kanye West. This is brilliant. Especially the cocktail recipe for “Little Baby Tourettes.” The [...]
May 30th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Holy shit. That cocktail picture made the entire article worth reading.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
i could have told you that kanye west was retarded from the time i heard him bitching like a little girl on mtv about not getting the recognition he “deserves”. the guy has a HUGE ego problem, and on top of that, he’s a gay fish. go figure.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Good to know!
And thousands of sincere and serious tall people I met on http://tallconnect.com are the most amazing people I ever met! they care nothing but real love and chemistry! that’s what we are looking for in today’s world!
May 30th, 2009 at 11:47 am
That’s it. Everyone write a review for this “book” as DOB puts it.
http://www.amazon.com/Kanye-Presents-Thank-Youre-Welcome/dp/0978967917/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243712584&sr=1-1
May 30th, 2009 at 11:26 am
say Kanye….
Do you like fish sticks????
May 30th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Since I always take issue when Dan O’Brien descends into a caricature of himself (”My genitals are HUGE! It’s funny because they aren’t! I’m really COOL! It’s funny because I’m not! I have sex with children because I’ve run out of adults, because I’m so COOL and my genitals are so HUGE!” etc), it would only be right for me to congratulate Mr O’Brien on this article, which is good while avoiding trotting out the same tired clicheed lies. Good for you, Dan O’Brien! You really are cool! I wish I had half as many testicles as you!
May 30th, 2009 at 10:47 am
i love the ignorance about hip-hop demonstrated in nearly all of the comments.
to the guy who thinks Kanye is unoriginal and “steals beats”: he started out as a producer that was universally admired and then began rapping after the fact. he makes more of his own beats than nearly anyone else.
to the guy complaining about the Daft Punk sample: a) what does that have to do with the article? and b) would you prefer he sample something current rather than 5 years old so we could hear two copies of the same sound on the radio at the same time? hip-hop has always been based on flipping “old” samples. at least kanye is still sampling.
in general, i love how everyone seems to think arrogance/swagger is what makes him retarded. hip-hop is practically all about braggadocio. every rapper thinks they’re that awesome, kanye is just the only one big enough in the mainstream pop world to get discussed on cracked and other non-music sites so often. you all also seem to think you’re pretty awesome since you think the whole internet cares about your opinion.
May 30th, 2009 at 10:28 am
its hilarious how people have the time to research and write articles about how much they dislike someone, get a life and do something positive
May 30th, 2009 at 10:26 am
BECAUSE ME CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUD! Internet meme in the making right there.
May 30th, 2009 at 10:25 am
This article could have been funnier……it lacks
May 30th, 2009 at 9:49 am
[...] Check it out here Tagged with: Kanye West [...]
May 30th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I personally love Kanye West. I tried to get Martyn into it but he said it was gay, oh well.
May 30th, 2009 at 9:15 am
There is clearly something wrong with kanye and you can google it but a few weeks ago he was being interviewed he said his biggest regret about being famous was that he would never get to see himself peform
May 30th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Kanye West is a muthafuckin “GayFish”…….
May 30th, 2009 at 7:51 am
he is proof they just pull peoples names out of a hat and decide to tell the world that they are a celebrity.
i knew that dumb fuck was retarded the first time i heard his name
not to mention he is the leading example of what is wrong with the music industry.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:42 am
its like he is trying to be kool keith, but failing terribly.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Sorry but I highly doubt that anyone who writes for this shitty site could ever produce albums that sell in the millions. Get off the guys dick and write about yourselves. Oh wait, you are just a bunch of retarded bloggers.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Amazon.com has 6 reviews on the book, one 5 star (Kanye? Is that you?) and five 1 stars.
Some of the reviews are titled:
Like a child discovering Legos
quoted: “Kanye West seems mildly amused that these things called “words” can actually be written down and combined into interesting groups called “phrases” or sometimes even “sentences.”
It would be adorable if he were five years old. But coming from this wealthy, swaggering, man-child, it’s a depressing reminder that his hip-hop culture devalues education and literacy.
Wif All Due Utmost Respect (favorable)
quoted: “you are da king and this is the kinda quality we expect from you.” “I read da pages you put together here and they were most profitic. “
May 30th, 2009 at 7:13 am
You’re right. I didnt read it. I stopped at the extremely dumb sarcastic “Holla Atta Bitch: The Gentleman’s Guide to Snaggin’ Skanky Blonde Hoodrats” part. Because to me, that just set the tone of the entire, ridiculous article. Comparing that to a book of quotes Kanye did dedicated to his deceased mother does not even work. Go suck some fishsticks? get the fuck off youtube.
May 30th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Finally someone has taken the time to analyze Kanye’s moronic self, no matter how horrible it must have been. I applaud you!
May 30th, 2009 at 7:08 am
this is VERY mean to retarded people, comparing them to kanye. theyd have to drink atleast 5 little baby tourettes to match his wit.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:58 am
@lml268
Since you obviously began this rant without reading the article let me paraphrase the SECOND FUCKING LINE OF THE ARTICLE!! “..and his inexplicable decision to stop making award-winning rap albums..” That was his first album that everyone agrees is awesome. That album contained “Jesus Walks.” All his other albums were shit concoctions with 1-2 decent songs thrown in. And another thing that you would have figured out if YOU READ THE FUCKING ARTICLE is that it focuses less on his music and more on the douchebag persona that he has. As for being racist, that’s has no bearing at all. What do you say to such a retarded shallow comment like that. Maybe you and Kanye aren’t that different, maybe I should be feeling more sorrow then anger at you. Oh well! GO SUCK SOME FISH STICKS!!
May 30th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Post article Interview with Kanye West aka “Kan, the Louis Vuitton Don”
Cracked.com- Since we are short on time, i’ll keep it short and sweet
Kanye- Yeah, yeah, that’s gud! Shoot away!
Cracked.com- Do you like fish sticks?
Kanye- “Yes”
Cracked.com- Do you like to put fish sticks in your mouth while telling your fans how awesome ur Louis Vuitton merchandise that you got from “Paree” is?
Kanye- “Ya! So?”
Cracked.com- Then your a retarded gay fish!
Kanye- “What?! I aint no gay fish. Fuck you competent Internet Comedy writers! I’m a muthafucking lyrical genius!!”
(Picks up his customized LV jacket that says “Yes we Kan” in Swarovski crystals and huffs out of the room. Interview ends abruptly)
Cracked.com- Oh well? It’s not like I was gonna make him look like a bigger douche then he is anyway.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Yeah, i actually have the book, they were giving them away at his Glow in the Dark Tour and i believe yall got a lot of shit fucked up. He doesnt just quote things and leave it at that, he goes on to explain why he states them the way he does. Maybe you’re the illiterate one. YOU are the ppl he talks about misquoting him. Kanye West is a great artist, listen to Jesus Walks or Through The Wire. This article is bullshit. Probably written by a racist asshole
I hope you one day have a daughter or son that truely IS retarded.
Karma, you piece of shit.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:38 am
Hey anyone remember the time when u used to respect Kanye West? I remember! I thought this guy was amazing when he produced Jay Z’s The Black Album. Then with his debut album I thought he did pretty well. Then it was a shit storm of techno-pop wanna be rap that bombarded the public for the next 4 years. And the public displays, we get it, you fool ppl into buying ur shitty music just like everyone in the industry. Damn even Diddy and Master P don’t show off anymore. But it doesn’t stop with Kanye, he has pioneered a trend. There’s a stupid ass triumvirate: Kanye West (The only guy I hate more is the one I’m listing next), 50 cent (Im all about the dollar, what the fuck is 50 cent!-JayZ summing it up well), Akon (Another impressive artist turned douche but he is still better then the other 2).
Just watch the youtube video of Kanye getting Punk’d to see how eccentric/retarded this guy is.
May 30th, 2009 at 6:25 am
[...] What if Kanye West is Retarded?cracked.com [...]
May 30th, 2009 at 6:22 am
The funniest article I’ve read on cracked in a long long time! If all you did was look at the pictures of him and say, “What if Kanye is retarded?” you would still get a good laugh. Fucking genius!
May 30th, 2009 at 4:30 am
truly hilarious article, i wished it would never end, kudos!
May 30th, 2009 at 4:18 am
hahahha great article
May 30th, 2009 at 3:59 am
haha DOB you are funny.
May 30th, 2009 at 3:48 am
KANYA WEST ROX!! U GUYS SUCK SO BAD I HATE U!! UGH
May 30th, 2009 at 3:28 am
Kanye West is a retard, ‘writes’ retarded music that sounds like it was for the retarded, and represents the ongoing retardation of music and our current generation. There isn’t much more you can say about the man.
May 30th, 2009 at 3:11 am
Wow, what a queer aquatic vertebrate.
May 30th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Kanye called Lil’ Wayne the new Hendrix. He is definitely retarded.
And now I want a Little Baby Tourette’s. Garnish with Slim Jim, classic.
May 30th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Love.
May 30th, 2009 at 1:14 am
“I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I’m an inspirational speaker. I changed the sound of music more than one time… For all those reasons, I’d be a part of the Bible. I’m definitely in the history books already.”
The man thinks he should be in the friggin’ Bible. How much more arrogant can you get?
May 30th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Kanye likes fishsticks, he puts fish sticks in his mouth.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
@Wittyfish: Yes, these guys indeed shit gold. I’ve seen it.
@Randomguythatmentionedselfishpeople: I think people who care only about themselves and ignore others are awesome. The only time I don’t is when they appear to think they are more important than myself. In those cases they are clearly deluded.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
What’s the matter Matt K? Got a few slow ones in your family? Don’t feel bad brah, it’s slang and you shouldn’t take it so seriously, wouldn’t want you to have a breakdown.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Kanye west is himself the most racist, loudmouthed ignorant man alive. He is the Black Rush Limbaugh. He isnt original. He takes everyone elses beats. He takes everyone elses style. but because hes loud and says stupid ish, people watch and listen.
but its like when a monkey is flinging poo. you wanna watch but you stay out of the way.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
simply dongtacular
May 29th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Aww is someone sad that he couldn’t figure out what every prepubescent grade school student can?
=(
May 29th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
… which has nothing to do with this article. I’m just saying.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Presume you’re trying to yank someone’s chain by continually using the word retarded.
Clap. Clap. Clap.
The height of humor. And what empathy you’ve shown. Unfortunately, the world has a terribly ironic sense of humor, and one day Mental Retardation will strike someone very close to you, and then, suddenly, the light will turn on for you.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Hello, Mr O’Brian.
I noticed you used an ellipses twice in your article. The first one was a comedic gem and I applaud you on it’s use. The second one was extremely noticeable in part because the first one was so well used that I… noticed it for lack of a better word (see what I did there?). The second one was too close, I think a better comedic device would have been appropriate… holy hell, I just went back and actually noticed how many you used. Five, I think, but to be fair two of them were quotations from Mr. West (is he related to Adam?). The one I really liked was at the end of the “Kanye’s book” bit. Anyway, just wanted to point it out, but to be perfectly honest I think you Cracked guys must shit gold or something because every article I’ve read from you guys has made me a happier person.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
if?
May 29th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Has anyone actually listened to the lyrics of his songs? I mean, really listened? It’s like the bitching of some monomaniacal eighth grader.
But yeah, I remember Mike Myers on air with him. I swear to this day, I did not even recollect that dude was Kanye.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
chad sexxington, really? most of your attacks against dob here are based on the fact that you think he says kanye’s music is shit and that he is completely without talent. and with the exception of him saying kanye’s new album is a “shitty, auto-tune-saturated sonic disaster,” you are entirely incorrect. he merely calls him retarded. which, given the field of business he’s in may or may not be a terrible thing. anyone with knowledge about music, chad sexxington, could tell you that many famous musicians have been 100% mentally retarded.
but you don’t stop there.
you go on to say that “[you] think this is subconscious racism because a black man is more successful than [DOB]. what world do you live in, chad sexxington? DOB has no motive. DOB is no racist. if DOB were upset about a black man being more successful than he is, wouldn’t he start with, i don’t know, perhaps the president of the united states? personally, and i realize that this is merely my opinion, i would say that barack obama has accomplished more than kanye west, while kanye himself may be too retarded to admit that. you have terrible logic. and you, yes you, are a terrible person. here’s my spin on your last little statement:
I THINK CHAD SEXXINGTON IS DISPLAYING SUBCONSCIOUS DISCRIMINATION BECAUSE HE HATES TO THINK THAT HIS FAVORITE MUSICIAN IS AT A LOWER MENTAL CAPACITY THAN CHAD SEXXINGTON IS.
danny boy, this was great.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
His Stronger video is all scenes from Akira which also makes him a huge nerd.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I Love the cocktail.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
May 29th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
HAHAHA
DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
May 29th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
It seems like you put a lot of effort into this, DOB, but it was less funny and more just… long.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Kanye should never have sampled “Harder Better Faster Stronger” by Daft Punk, it’s like from 5 years before! Someday he’s going to get confused and sample himself, and if he changes his name it’ll be even more likely.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
haha. clearly you are so much smarter than kanye west, because you used the word “obfuscates”
have you ever listened to kanye west? or do you just read blogs from other worthless internet hacks like yourself?
i take it you’re willing to put yourself in the limelight so that others can shamelessly attack your intelligence? just because he’s more successful doesn’t mean you have to attack him.
he is more creative than you, get over it.
also, you know who else used flashy word graphics in their publication?
YOU
oh wait, i just used all caps, guess that means i’m an idiot, hah dr. hawking?
get off your high horse, you pretentious ass.
i think this is subconscious racism because a black man is more successful than you.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
The silliest thing about this whole article is the “What If?” part.
The rest is spot on.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Thanks, DOB. Thanks for helping me clarify my contention au sujet de Kanye. You said in 1,533 words what i couldn’t say over the last few years. He’s retarded.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
wonderfully, written, o’brien. kudos.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
He’s retarded, so fucking retarded. But it’s that retardation, combined with his “look at me, I’m Kanye West and I fucking rock” attitude that makes for a ridiculously hilarious combo
May 29th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I can’t wait for the response to this AND I EXPECT IT WILL BE IN CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
“enormous super baby Tourettes.”
That is all.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Here’s hoping you get your book published. As for that Baby Tourette’s drink…I’ll stick with a Long Island Iced Tea, thank you.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
kanye is at least 70% retarded
http://theworldisretarded.wordpress.com/
May 29th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
A) Great article
B) Kanye is a douche
C) You wrote this whole thing just so you could use the word “obfuscates”
May 29th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
I think it is a cruel slap to all mentally retarded to burden them with Kanye.
MR’s are born challenged and must work hard to make the most of what they have.
KW embraces narcissistic egomanical stupidity as a way of life.
Finally, many MR’s have skills making them gainfully employable and thus able to make meaningful contributions to their community.
KW…not so much.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
I said it before, I say it here in all it’s worthlesness:
We must work on making Kanye West the president of North Korea.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
hardest i’ve laughed in a long time and one of the better articles on cracked recently
May 29th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Bushain’tbad , The problem was not the levies or the “GUBERMENT” (really ?). It was the lack of reaction. After the levies fell the government sat on there hands. Then called the people refuges, and stop them from leaving the area at gun point. I don’t assume to know everything, but i do know that If i try and go from New york to New Jersey, and a cop points a gun. Then tell me to ” go back were i came from”(the police there said that)there is a problem a, BIG one. Also it took a week get supplies there, it only took 3 day to get it to Indonesia. ….
DOB I love you work. You gotta post more often. If i serve a “little baby Tourette’s” do i have to pay you a fee ?
May 29th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
[...] What if Kanye West is Retarded? (tags: humor cracked kanye west retarded) [...]
May 29th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^^ AgelessMate. COM ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
An attractive woman in her 30’s or 40’s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with milfs…
May 29th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
lol i love you DOB, your book cover is amzaing
May 29th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
WHATS SO WRONG WITH TYPING IN ALL CAPS? I THINK ITS CREATIVE AND UNPREDICTABLE!
May 29th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
DOB, I have to say…“enormous super baby Tourettes” is so much funnier. ” It had me giggling at the computer, in the dining room, through the living room and all the way up the stairs.
“little baby Tourette’s” is probably what he’ll name his first-born.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I’m surprised it took this long to figure out Kanye was a retard way out of his league, even when his albums are considered “good” whatever the fuck good means in rap standards.
You know how I know there is no god? When fucktards like Kanye and Paris get book deals and DOB only get a gigantic “fuck you”
May 29th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
30 seconds later and i’m still laughing at that cocktail
May 29th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
big kanye fan here….. loved 808’s and heartbreak
firm believe that he might b retarded…. bcause of the lil baby part that i was not aware of……
May 29th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I love Kanye West as much as the next person (perhaps MORE, considering I really like “808s and Heartbreaks”) but I thought this article was hilarious! And it makes me glad that I like Kanye for his music and not his personality…or IQ.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
You really like the word “Eccentric” don’t you? Haha.
Anyway, Kanye West has got to be diagnosed with something. He just has to be. The filth that projectile vomits from his face is just…well it’s almost not even surprising anymore.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Little Baby Tourette’s is all I will drink at bars and clubs from now on.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Homeless J post=win.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Hahah fucking brilliant. Too true. As for the drink, I would have done with something less…vomit inducing.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Um . . . yeah. I’ve never even listened to Kanye West, and I can still say with absolutely no fear of contradiction that Kanye West > Ayn Rand in just about every way.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I hadn’t paid much attention to Kanye, so when he said Bush didn’t care about black people, I just took it as the obvious truth that someone had to say. Not as a shot at grabbing more attention. Maybe that was the case, but he was still right, and someone had to say it.
Neocons only care about themselves, why did it upset anyone to point that out?
May 29th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I loved 808’s and heartbreaks. My favorite Kanye West album.
I was cracking up at the little baby tourette’s part
May 29th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
The real question is, what if he ISN’T retarded. What if there’s an evil plot lying just beneath the surface?
That’s right. WHAT IF, this entire time, Kanye West has been Joaquin Phoenix in blackface.
Sit back for a moment and let the possibility sink in. There. Now you have a brain tumor.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I know what I’m ordering at the bar tonight.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
wow. that was hilarious.
the comments, however, are frequently ridiculous.
going off on all the “identical rappy hippedy hop types” and their fans?
bush really does hate black people in essay form?
criticizing ebonics in the INTERNET comments on an article making fun of a RAPPER?
really?
btw, why are people commenting this with timestamps like 6 and 7 am?
is this what you do before work in the morning? make fun of people on internet forums?
May 29th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Since when is there still a debate as to whether he’s retarded or not?
May 29th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
HAHAHAHA I LOVE how “ts” has written a mini-bibliography at the end of his comment, as if his painfully common and obvious “analysis” of Katrina was an important work which we needed to research.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
i have to say… this article was more depressing and infuriating than it was funny - its too easy to point out the obvious - the guy is an arrogant moron followed by far too many (sadly even more retarded) people. come on, DOB you can do better than pointing at an idiot and saying he’s stupid.
i’m gonna have to work on a good recipe for that tonight (the slim jim stirstick is pure genius… truly, Kanye-level, retarded genius!)
freakin love the mixed drink idea, tho
May 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
I love fish sticks i love putting ‘em in my mouth
May 29th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
No No No. Kanye West is a gay fish. Remember?
May 29th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
OMG too funny. Great writting. keep it up.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
When I read “little baby tourette’s is a truly hilarious phrase”, it was exactly what I was thinking at that moment.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I lol’d hard.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
“enormous super baby Tourette’s”
haha i totally laughed out loud at that! priceless… kanye does seem to me to be a little…off.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Maybe he is so retarded it makes him like a rap genius. You know how in the movie A Beautiful Mind Russel Crowe is crazy but he is a crossword puzzle genius. Baby Tourrets, what a douche.
Great Article
May 29th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Ok, I just tried one of those Little Baby Tourettes and I’m not even that driving beret turdunken pale neurotransmitter fish brrrrraaakkkeenennnmooooossh…. george bush hates black people.
Holy shit it works. And the slim jim was awwweeeesooooome.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
So if the drink you you invented makes you have little baby Tourettes what does 20 beers 8 shots of Rumple Minze and two shot of Wild Turkey (just to get you started and to take the edge off ) give you?
Also Mike Myers’s double take at Kanye, after his Bush comment was pretty much the last funny thing Mike has done.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Excellent article, DOB!
The comment about “little baby Tourette’s” is hilarious, I actually laughed out loud. Also, I smiled with the third picture: Sir Paul McCartney’s face is too adorable. He’s super amused by Kanye’s hoodie.
I’ve never heard a song by Kanye West, so I don’t really understand why he’s famous and why has he won so many awards when his music isn’t very memorable to go ’round the world.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
N8 you should fix up the drink to be not-gross and then post the recipe aqui. Bonus points if it still contains the Slim Jim garnish. I love Slim Jims.
The question of Kanye’s state of a-tardation is potentially moot. It seems less like he is retarded and more like he is delusional. Though I guess the derangement could be like a differential diagnosis.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
gay fish! mothafuckin’ gay fish!
May 29th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Maybe I’m off here, but if we’re thinking he might have been clever and not retarded by saying “get use to being used” as some sort of way to get benefit from being used then woudn’t it be “get use from being used”. Hmmm, perhaps I’m over thinking this.
Great article.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Atlas Shrugged is an awful book. Kanye Beats Rand always. I’d much rather listen to shitty autotune music over the sound of Conservatives masturbation.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I want to tie a copy of Atlas Shrugged to a short stick, then bludgeon him with it for his crimes against literature.
You’re next, Stephenie Meyer.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Well, I am leaning towards the notion that he does indeed think us all retarded. He does this s**t and gets paid to do it. He may be slightly ignorant himself as well, but look at celebs in general. That kind of fame gets to your dome man. So all in all, slightly retarded, slightly bitter/cynical towards the general populus. But don’t ask me, look at his grades. hax!
May 29th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I flippin’ love Kanye West…but this was pretty funny. But seriously, he’s super high fucntioning if he is infact retarded.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
This is hilarious. It just goes to show that our society is not prejudice against the mentally handicapped b/c if they can wiggle on a stage and pretend to sing/rap, we will worship them. Kanye. Britney. Madonna. etc. etc.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I cant stop laughing
May 29th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I hereby predict that Kanye West will be this generation’s Michael Jackson. He will go full on batshit insane, alter his body in such a bizzare way and his reputation will forever be destroyed.
To hell with this cat.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
He cant be retarded, he is a gaaaaaaayyyyyy Fish!
RT
http://www.privacy-tools.echoz.com
May 29th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Cool article DOB.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
“garnished with a slimjim” … hahaha, brilliant! Pretty much the opposite of Kanye West.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
jesus that was funny. kanye is definitely not above the 100 IQ range
May 29th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Pfft, like there was ever a question that this mutant is completely retarded?
May 29th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Best day of my life.
thank you for making my day with this blog.
:]
May 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am
lol he likes fishsticks lol
May 29th, 2009 at 11:29 am
KANYE WEST IS A GAY FISH
observe my glorious originality
May 29th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Kanye’s a fucktard.
Little Baby Tourette’s would be better if garnished with a Twizzler.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Kanye West is the kind of guy who, after jogging ten miles, takes his underwear off and huffs his own ball-musk. That’s how convinced he is of his own greatness.
There will probably be a line of Ye’s Ball Stank cologne in the near future.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:03 am
hahaha i like kanyes music. its pretty awesome. I never had a interest in the man behind the music…..but i do agree with his “bush hates black ppl” statemnet. Also, if you do alittle research you can find racist comments from him his dad and his mom published thorughout their horrible continual rule. That being said, i agree with the statement cause i think a retard would think otherwise so maybe kanye isnt that dumb afterall. well, at least in respect to his feelings about katrina/bush. But…..kanye has said some dumb shit…..maybe hes an idiot sovant? you know, genius in one thing….dumb as hell in all else.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Ugh… I have never been so sorry to have easy access to alcohol. That was truly the most disgusting thing I have ever ingested… before 3 pm.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Y’all is haters!!!!
Nah im just kidding, the guy is a retard.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Amusing, until the end. The Slim Jim garnish made me laugh and then (since I’m at work) attempt to hide it with a snort/cough. Effing brilliant!
May 29th, 2009 at 10:54 am
[...] May 29, 2009 Posted on May 29, 2009 by t10da 1. http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-if-kanye-west-is-retarded/ [...]
May 29th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Dear DOB and Swaim,
If you’re ever in Florida, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:35 am
outstanding. could do this from jersey
May 29th, 2009 at 10:34 am
… was there EVER ANY question as to this man’s retardation?! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=23&sku=E-CD00395
May 29th, 2009 at 10:16 am
And @ slew, if he meant what you say, he should have said “Get use of being used”
May 29th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Haha I love this article. I have always thought Kanye was a douche. Nice work O’Brien!
May 29th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Garnish with Slim Jim = awesome
May 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am
For the record, I would drink the shit out of anything garnished with a Slim Jim.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:57 am
“Little Baby Tourettes” has to be the best thing I’ve heard all day. I can’t believe he said that. Kanye West is even more of a douche than I thought possible…
May 29th, 2009 at 9:48 am
@slew
Yes, Kanye deserves the benefit of the doubt.
After all, rhyming “bitch again” with “Michigan” requires syntactical sophistication of Shakespearean proportion.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Daniel, i read your article sitting here at the bar I work at, and I love the article, but after an unofficial taste test, it’s clear you should work on your “Little Baby Tourette’s”. It’s a little disgusting, AND I still have complete control of my speach F*&k, A&&!!!!!
May 29th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Daniel O’Brien. You are my new hero
May 29th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Referring to the title, is this even a debatable topic?
May 29th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Wait… isn’t Kanye West’s mom an English teacher?
May 29th, 2009 at 9:31 am
He’s not retarded! He’s a lyrical genius…and a Gay Fish, apparently.
Shitty douche! Twat nozzle!
….I knew I should NOT have tried both recipes as once. ROFLCOCK!
May 29th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Apparently I too am retarded, as I did not see the giant picture of the already existing “Little Baby Tourettes.”
I fail like a a mo’fucka.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Little Baby Tourettes:
1/3 Tequila
1/3 Sambuca
1/3 Jagermeister
Splash of hot sauce
… Just sayin’
May 29th, 2009 at 9:25 am
I agree that Kanye is an idiot but “get use to being used” could mean to get something from being used, not a typo of get accustomed to it
May 29th, 2009 at 9:18 am
FINALLY! Someone who thinks Kanye West is as retarded as I do…
He needs to get his ego in check via another car accident.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
By the way, other than the 808’s diss, this was a good article. It was funny and explains a lot about Kanye.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I’m really surprised that your book hasn’t gotten picked up by a publisher yet. My book, “Imma Plug Yo Punk Ass: A Lady’s Guide to Bustin’ Caps in Disrespectin’ Bruthas” is hitting shelves this fall.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I can’t believe you wrote that, Dan! 808’s And Hearbreaks is a great album! “[A] shitty, auto-tune-saturated sonic disaster,” MY ASS!!!! I hope you get punched in the balls my a large Swedish bodybuilder!!!!
May 29th, 2009 at 9:06 am
DOB, excellent article! I laughed loudly and spoaradically through the whole piece, as if suddenly possesed with an onset of LBTs.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Thank you Daniel O’Brien and thank you South Park. He deserves this and more.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Laughed twice out loud. That’s a good thing.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Ts, What the hell man. Shut up. People who come on here and write essays to bitch about jokes piss me off.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:00 am
I agree whole heartedly that Kanye may in fact be retarded, and maybe I’m over thinking this, but I think the whole “get use to being used” thing is actually supposed to be clever… I believe what he is trying to say is if you are getting used, you should try and get some use out of it as well. It’s a clever little play on words you see. I supposed to could be wrong, and he misspelled it, but you would think with all his handlers that didn’t happen a lot.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Awesome. Nice job, DOB.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Since the internet was created, retards have been roaming it.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Afterthought:
Reading kanyetard’s comment made the speech center of my brain try to kill itself. Since when are they allowing retards unsupervised access to the internet?
May 29th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Yeah, I have to agree with Privatepyle. Why is the qualifying phrase “what if” at the beginning of the article title? And why does it end with a question mark, rather than an exclamation point?
May 29th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Tried you’re drink, it’s well named-shitcock!
May 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am
@ akast i suppose the guy who wrote that was joking since his name is “kanyetard” and his message is absurd
May 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am
As Ed the Sock said once after his interview with Kanye at an awards show “Ok, so Kanye’s about as smart as a bag of hammers”
May 29th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Kanye West isn’t retarded. He just thinks all of us are.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Kanye’s just another entitled celebrity who thinks just because he’s famous he has something relevant to say, and when he does he just reveals how clueless he is. Nothing really new here, but a funny article nonetheless.
Good luck with your book, I’ll be looking for it, also would it be OK to substitute Beef Jerky for a Slim Jim?
May 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am
@ts i understand the general principle you are getting at but i think you are failing to look at the political realities of the situation. New Orleans had been given alot of money for a long time to keep the levies up to modern standards and they spent it on other things. Then Katrina hits and FEMA is caught with it’s pants down because it simply does not have the resources or the man power to deal with a situation that screwed up. And they don’t have these resources or manpower because the federal government (shock) actually used forsight and attempted preventative measures (i.e. federal money to update the levies and floodwalls). Instead the New Orleans city leaders said thanks for the free money and spent it as they saw fit. Then when the Hurricane hit they expected the “GUBERMENT” to come fix everthing they had screwed up. I’m not going to say someone from that time period who was raised in the south is completely free of racism (i’m not and neither are the black people my age i know we get along but its still there and i’m younger than his daughters) but i’m pretty sure its not affecting his national policy.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am
No “if” about it. He’s a ‘tard.
I’d like to read a Mencia/Kanye twitter exchange. And then cry hot, angry tears all over my screenplay.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:03 am
And GreenGoddess is so right. Don’t insult retarded people by saying Kanye is one of them.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Just looking at that drink makes me nauseous . . .
May 29th, 2009 at 7:59 am
Kanye is so stupid. He thinks he can say whatever he wants cause of his gigantic retarded mouth. Since i think it cant get any bigger, im about to shove the ole’ wiener right in there without hesitation. WESTSIIIIIIIIIDE !
May 29th, 2009 at 7:58 am
This article was fantastic.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:56 am
I’ll be a test subject for a little baby Tourette’s. That sounds fucking delicious!
And I’ve known Kanye West was retarded for a long time. I just dislike stating the obvious.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:56 am
‘Kanyetard Says:
May 29th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Yo, you hatez jus cain’t staind the fact that muh man Kanye is makin du papeh. He getz da girlz,he getz da contract deals and he getz to do his thang! So fuck y’all, and I mean all y’all for yo hatin’
I…I have no words.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Genius.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Garnish with methamphetamine.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:49 am
yes, little baby Tourette’s is a super hilarious phrase
May 29th, 2009 at 7:41 am
good article, once again this rocks
May 29th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Yo, you hatez jus cain’t staind the fact that muh man Kanye is makin du papeh. He getz da girlz,he getz da contract deals and he getz to do his thang! So fuck y’all, and I mean all y’all for yo hatin’
May 29th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I saw many people are discussing this on the forum of tall people relationship site called http://Tallconnect.com . You may go there to check it if you are interested.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I am sorry, but I am a little bit confused right now. I thought Kanye West really WAS retarded. Thanx for setting me straight DanO.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:30 am
um… saying that G dub doesn’t care about black people in the wake of hurricane Katrina isn’t exactly that far off the ball. I mean, look at who was put in charge of FEMA… Brownie??? He did just a stand up job…
Then there’s the whole issue of private security firms and vilgilante groups ‘defending’ their rich neighborhoods from ‘looters’ who were trying to find dry ground, food, and medical aid.
Plus wasn’t the immediate Bush administration reaction to just sit on their hands and say ‘oh well it can’t be that bad’
I mean seriously, the slums that had been built below sea level that were largely inhabited by black people had been destroyed, but the rich people living on the hill’s property was still above the water level, and with the flooding, there was an opportunity to rebuild New Orleans without the slums right downtown that dragged down property values. Also, it created an opportunity to create a charter school voucher system instead of a public school system.
When you look at it, Hurricane Katrina was a a bad storm, but as Political Ecologists have been saying for a while, disasters have both a human and a natural component. The natural component being the storm, the disaster/human part coming from the reaction to and recovery from the storm as well as the steps that have been taken to preempt the effects of the natural (Robbins 2004). In this case, the disaster was created not by the natural, but rather by the completely inadequate and arguably (Klein 2007) intentional botching of recovery efforts. When this disproportionately effects black people, is it so unfair to make that claim? Especially taking into account the historical and continuing institutional racism faced by black people living in the American South?
I’ll admit, poor white people were effected and continue to suffer in FEMA trailers as well, so perhaps a better statement would be “george bush doesn’t care about poor people,” but still, Kanye was not that far off.
This should not be read as an endorsement of Kanye West, but rather a commendation of his attempt to be brutally honest in the face of human-created tragedy
Klein, Naomi (2007) Shock Doctrine
Robbins, P (2004) Political Ecology: A Critical Introduction
May 29th, 2009 at 7:27 am
As much as I love his music; I agree, he’s fucking retarded. Good one as always DanO.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Imma get F*CKED up tonight on some Little Baby Tourette’s.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:24 am
From one of the articles linked by this one (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090526/music_nm/us_kanyewest):
So does he fancy himself a modern-day Confucius?
“I’m trying to end the confusion,” he said, laughing and adding, “I’m gonna put that on the next album.”
May 29th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Take it easy on Kanye, DOB. If he really is retarded, then you may end up owing retarded people a public apology for making fun of one of them. Then you’ll have to do the talk show circuit, explaining how your heart goes out to people like Kanye. After all, a lot of your friends and fans and co-workers are retarded, and why would you want to alienate so many people who love you?
May 29th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Although you do make a valid point, (over and over and over) I don’t think he’s a retard. I do agree however, he is really really dumb, but I personally think some of his music is too good for a retarded kid to make. Unless it was by chance it was that good, in that case jolly ho! We have yet another retarded celeb!!
May 29th, 2009 at 7:15 am
@tweakster
Holy crap that’s funny
May 29th, 2009 at 6:56 am
You only just figured out that Kanye West is a dribbling retard? Well, you’ll soon get use to it.
Ho ho!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:56 am
if “the voice of a generation” is retarded, wtf does that say about us?
hold me, im scared.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Among your finest. I do think Little Baby Tourettes should be a drink that’s set on fire though…
May 29th, 2009 at 6:54 am
I love you DOB, LOVE! Hilarious work as usual.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:53 am
He, and Rev. Wright also believe that the government invented AIDS to give to gay and black people. Things like that overshadow any legitimate point they might want to make.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:50 am
DOB, I’m pretty sure you just started what the rappers these days call a “beef”. You should make a rap album quick as a pre-emptive strike. Kanye’s next album, “Super Baby Tourettes”, is sure to be full of slanderous rhyming against you.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:49 am
…”If”?
May 29th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Freakin’ brilliant.
I think Kanye should read it, but he would probably think it was some article praising him……or just not have the abilitiy to read it at all….douchbag.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Kanye is a tool!
But remember, he IS NOT a gay fish!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:40 am
This was superb.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Fucking hilarious!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Kanye is definately not all there. “A little slow” would be putting it politely.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Wait a minute, “What if”? You mean he isn’t? That’s news to me.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Garnish with a Slim Jim is efin’ brilliant. Kanye West? Not so much.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:32 am
God kanye is such a gay fish.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:32 am
YOU GUYS LIKE FISHSTICKS?
May 29th, 2009 at 6:27 am
I love you DOB!! Holla atta bitch!!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Seriously kanye is going to bust a cap in your ass DOB.
And I do want to impress ladies so please publish your book
“holla atta bitch”
May 29th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Garnish with slim jim.
priceless dan
May 29th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Woo, Kanye reads this and caps are gonna be busted. Caps in italics, even.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:00 am
Also, when is this going to be put on the front page? People are missing out on Kanye.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:56 am
You know what pains me the most?
The typography on “Get use to being used” is fucking retarded! Did the graphic designer (if there was one) only just get Illustrator?!
Fuck.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:38 am
For the garnish, should I be using the Original Slim Jim, or can I substitute it for the Hot, Honey BBQ, or the Beef & Cheese?
May 29th, 2009 at 5:31 am
You know, I’ve never really known who Kanye West was till I started reading DOB’s articles. But now I’m glad I’ve never bothered to learn anything about him.
DOB is performing an important public service by deterring innocent people from listening to West’s banal craziness.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:19 am
Good Stuff. I wouldnt be surprised if Kanye was retarded. He’ll admit it eventually because of his infant tourettes. I never thought about why Kanye does the retarded stuff that we see, but him being retarded makes a lot of sense.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:49 am
I only became aware of kayne west with the fishsticks episode, I assume he, along with the many billions of identical rappy hippedy hop types that fill the media, are retarded to a degree slightly less than the fans that buy their products.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:02 am
Dan, you need to start a fundraiser to cure enormous super baby Tourettes.
NOW!
May 29th, 2009 at 4:02 am
Nice.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:40 am
Awesome. Truly awesome
May 29th, 2009 at 3:38 am
Then we already know the answer: Kanye West IS fucking retarded.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Has DOB offically stoped trying to be fuuny?