Hating celebrities became really boring in 2014. On the surface that seems like a good thing, but it's really not. The truth is, we just had way bigger shit to worry about. Pick any celebrity scandal of the past 12 months and you won't have to travel too far from there to find the legitimately awful story or situation that jettisoned it from our daily conversations.
Deadly viruses were the real celebrities this year.
The world has finally reached that tipping point where real life is terrible enough that we no longer have to turn to pop culture to manufacture reasons to be outraged. Hooray?
We talk about that on this week's Unpopular Opinion podcast ...
... where I'm joined by comics Wendi Starling and Mo Mandel. And, for the record, no, probably not hooray at all. Nevertheless, it's true: putting together a list of wrongly hated famous people was a lot more difficult this year, and I don't doubt at all that it's because it seemed like the whole world was burning around us for the entirety of 2014. That's not to say that we didn't find a little time to irrationally hate the rich and famous, though. It's just that the targets we picked in 2014 demonstrate that, this year, our attention was mostly directed toward more important issues. If that's not true, by all means, tell me why we're all still bothered so much by ...
#4. Kim Kardashian
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I wrote this exact same article as my year-end wrap-up last December. Care to guess who kicked off the list the first time around? Right, Kim Kardashian. Now, here we are 12 months later and she's still the go-to target for society's irrational hatred of celebrities. It's been that way for a long time, and it's gotten to the point where us getting frothy at the mouth over her alleged misdeeds is a performance we pull off on command. You need look no further than her most recent "scandal" to prove that case. I'm speaking, of course, about her now-infamous Paper Magazine cover.
"Oh. My. God. Becky ..."
That's the one. Well, it's a slightly tamer version of "the one."
Use your imagination.
It doesn't matter which of the two you decided to lose your shit over; what matters is that it's 2014 and you're still getting mad at pictures of Kardashian's ass. Of all the things in the world that are deserving of your angry words, that ass is what you decide to waste them on?
My favorite part of this, or any, Kardashian scandal is the army of commenters who show up anywhere she's featured online to ask one simple question: "What does she even do?"
Jason Merritt/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Is this not enough?
That's a pretty easy question to answer, actually. You're what she does. You are the answer to your own question. Her main job is to inspire dummies like you to flock to the various websites of the world to ask that same fucking question, as if what you're doing in that moment is any more productive or beneficial to mankind.
At least the general public had a relatively famous champion on their side of the cause in 2014. Naya Rivera, a name you probably don't recognize as the girl who plays the role of Santana on Glee ...
Yep, it's still on the air, I think.
... had some fairly harsh words for Kardashian in the wake of the Paper Magazine scandal. Specifically, she took to Instagram and reminded Kim that, somewhere, a child is expecting her to not be naked. Or something along those lines.
Keep your clothes on, moms!
So that was weird. Also, as PopSugar rightly pointed out, Rivera has recently developed an affinity for looking exactly ...
... like ...
... Kim Kardashian.
Maybe it's shitty of me, but that makes me wonder: was her comment really inspired by concern for the children of the world ...
... or is she just mad that Kardashian finally did something she'll never be able to copy?
#3. Floyd Mayweather
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Let me be clear about something right up front here: you should absolutely hate Floyd Mayweather. Just make sure you hate him for the right reasons.
Don't hate him because he talks too much. Yes, he's vocal about his abilities to an extent that does certainly merit some degree of scorn, but even then you have to contend with the harsh reality that, at the end of the day, he backs almost all of it up by being exactly as great at shit as he claims to be.
For starters, he's never lost a fight. That's a hard statistic to argue against. No, he hasn't fought Manny Pacquiao yet, but are we 100 percent sure that's his fault? After all, according to his side, the negotiations to make a fight between the two happen fell through the first time after Mayweather demanded Olympic-style drug testing for both fighters.
"Olympic" meaning "still mostly useless."
If you follow this situation at all, then you already know that, but did you hear what Pacquiao's camp had to say regarding those drug tests? If not, by all means, allow me:
We appeased Mayweather by agreeing to a urine analysis at any time, and blood testing before the press conference and after the fight. Mayweather pressed for blood testing even up to the weigh-in. He knew that Pacquiao gets freaked out when his blood gets taken and feels that it weakens him. This is just harassment and, to me, just signaled that he didn't want the fight.
Emphasis mine. I don't know how else to put this, but Mayweather won that fight. TKO before the fucking thing even started. You get "freaked out" by having your blood drawn? That's why the fight the world wants the most hasn't happened yet? Because Pacquiao gets the vapors when he gives blood? It's either that or he was hiding something, but neither of those possibilities point to Mayweather being the coward of the two.
His tendency to gamble huge sums of money on seemingly any wager put in front of him earns Mayweather a healthy amount of criticism also. Again, why? When Wes Welker won a stack of cash at the Kentucky Derby, reportedly in the midst of an Ecstasy stupor, and started passing out $100 bills, everyone except NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell thought it was the most adorable shit ever.
Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"At least nobody got punched."
Sure, as with anything else, Mayweather is way too boisterous about his abilities in this area, but damn if he doesn't deliver on those boasts. During a one-month stretch in November of this year, he pocketed a total of more than $4 million after winning huge three weeks in a row betting on the NFL. You're allowed to brag when stuff works out that well.
None of these things qualify as sound reasons to hate Mayweather. Again, you should definitely still hate him, but don't do it for the bullshit reasons listed above, do it because he beats the shit out of every woman he enters into a relationship with.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Well this seems inappropriate.
Over the course of a dozen years or so, he's been arrested or cited in seven different assaults against five different women. In case you're wondering, yes, of course he thinks the NFL was too hard on Ray Rice.
Does it suck that Mayweather hasn't fought Pacquiao yet? No, what sucks is that, despite his long track record of being the worst fucking person possible, he'll still get the opportunity to do it someday, and we'll pay an obscene amount of money to watch when he does. If you're in front of a television when that happens, don't hate Mayweather, hate yourself.