Over the years, we've poked fun at a lot of "based on a true story" movies that turned out to be bullshit. But then we thought that maybe we should stop giving Hollywood shit for embellishing history a bit if it lets them tell a slightly better story. So instead, we decided to give Hollywood shit for leaving out mind-blowing details out of their "based on a true story" movies that would have made them even better:
6 The King's Speech: George VI Was Kind Of a Shitty King (Also, His Brother Was a Nazi-Lover)
The Weinstein Company
Prince Albert seeks the help of a speech therapist to overcome his horrible stutter brought on by the stresses of being a British royal mixed in with teasing by his dickish older brother. In the end, the prince is crowned King George VI, befriends Winston Churchill, and eloquently rallies the nation against Hitler, whom he suspected of being a bad egg before it was cool.
The Weinstein Company
His full title was Prince Albert, Duke of Hipstershire.
What They Left Out:
In the movie, Albert's brother Edward is portrayed as a harmless, malingering dickhole, who at one point expresses half-ass support of Hitler's government. In real life, however, Edward's love for fascism was all-ass. Not only did he personally meet with his man-crush Hitler, he dined with Rudolf Hess and openly talked about overthrowing Albert after Adolf "[crushes] the Americans."
As for the real George VI, for the longest time, he was in favor of appeasement when it came to dealing with the Fuhrer. After Neville Chamberlain returned from Munich in 1938, having allowed Nazi Germany to annex a chunk of Czechoslovakia, George and his wife were so delighted that they invited Chamberlain to Buckingham Palace to celebrate what a genius idea that was. Even after the shit (meaning the German army) hit the fan (meaning Poland), George VI opposed making Churchill the Prime Minister, assumingly because of Churchill's aggressive "let's gouge Hitler's eyes out" platform.
So that's what that sign meant!
Eventually, George understood the danger posed by Hitler, and started working closely with Churchill, but the operative word is "eventually." He wasn't a revolutionary thinker years ahead of his time, and he didn't always make good decisions. He was a man who had to grow into his role as king, and maybe if The King's Speech had focused on that, the movie would have won all the Oscars, instead of just most of them.
5 Dallas Buyers Club: Ron Woodroof Wasn't a "Cowboy," but Was Bisexual
Matthew McConaughey plays an unshaven "cowboy" named Ron Woodroof who loves the ladies so much he gets AIDS from fucking a junkie prostitute. If that wasn't enough to establish the character's throbbing heterosexuality, he also spends most of the movie overcoming his homophobia towards the gay people who buy the FDA-unapproved AIDS medication he smuggles in from Mexico.
We'd say it was like the anti-Milk if both movies weren't shameless Oscar bait.
What They Left Out:
Far from being a rootin'-tootin' cowboy, Woodroof is described by the people that actually knew him as a quiet, neatly-dressed man who looked like an accountant. Bill Minutaglio, who interviewed Woodroof in 1992, recalls that even in the months leading to his death, he never stopped making an effort to look presentable.
Dallas Morning News
This man couldn't look less like a cowboy even if he was serving foreclosure papers to a struggling ranch owner.
Another thing that Dallas Buyers Club apparently took a few liberties with was portraying Ron as straight, which he clearly was not. It's most likely that Ron was bisexual, as he did have sex with the occasional woman while also being active in the local gay community. The point, however, is that the man definitely touched a fair share of penises that didn't belong to him, and wouldn't you rather see that story?
Maybe not the touching of penises but rather a story about a bisexual accountant-lookalike who becomes a smuggler, which is a great plot on its own because when bad things happen to you, it's not always a learning opportunity meant to help you overcome a personal flaw. The story of the real Woodroof is that of a complex, stereotype-defying man who simply got a raw deal and then went on to deal with it. Isn't that enough?
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"Hey, what if we add a talking dog?"