There is literally no such thing as a glitch-free video game. They're complex programs, often made by lots of people under brutal deadlines -- that shit is going to spring a leak every now and then. And really, we wouldn't have it any other way. How else would you wind up with scenes like this, where a game's most emotional moment is ruined by the main character repeatedly screaming his child's name into the face of every stranger he meets?
6 Assassin's Creed IV -- the Lazarus Boat
It seems there's something about Assassin's Creed that lends itself to hilarious and creepy glitches (that "something" might be Ubisoft's irresistible urge to shove ambitious games out the door before they've actually finished coding them). As the series gets bigger and more ambitious, the bugs get more bewildering -- which brings us to Assassin's Creed IV. It expanded on the seafaring pirate ship adventures introduced in the previous game, and in the process, plunged the player into a whirling vortex of madness.
For example, if you claim a ship called the Jackdaw, you might show up to the dock and find a hollow space-time vacuum instead, leaving behind a bizarre boat-shaped dent in the water, as if the Bermuda Triangle had decided to come to you:
"Believe in global warming now, dicks?"
And that's not even the strangest part -- though the ship is gone, your crew appears to have stuck around. They're suspended in the void, screaming the entire time because they're spoiled babies who get whiny the moment all laws of physics are torn asunder before their eyes. Occasionally, additional crew drop into the abyss below, surely to come flying out of a wormhole at the opposite end of the galaxy somewhere.
Then, they are inexplicably taken into the sky, as if the aliens and/or strange Lovecraftian gods who took the boat have returned to finish the job:
"Repent sinners; the Crapture is nigh!"
But as it turns out, they were simply making room for your boat's triumphant return from the dark abyss:
Always tip your spectral valet at least $5, or expect hull scratches next time.
Yes, as easily as it vanished, the good ship Lazarus rises and takes its rightful place in the harbor. Once you set sail, your crew magically returns, never mentioning the unspeakable thing that happened to them, singing the same goddamn songs over and over again in the hope that this, if nothing else, will suppress the memory.
Incredibly, this is not the most ridiculous boating glitch on the list ...
5 Resident Evil 4 -- Jet Skis Aren't Required When Jet Skiing
Aside from some historically bad voice acting, the Resident Evil series isn't known for its sense of humor. Unless, of course, you come across the right glitch, such as the one we get during the epic climax of Resident Evil 4. Leon Kennedy has just rescued Ashley Graham, the President's daughter, who was being held captive by a dwarf who commands an army of monsters and a giant robot. The zombie-infested facility they're in is about to self-destruct, and their only method of escape is a nearby jet ski. You have the key for it, but if you dick around in your inventory before selecting it, you trigger something called the Ditman glitch. And then this happens:
Thanks to previously-unannounced warlock powers, Leon darts off on his own, leaving both Ashley and the Kawasaki behind, Leon floating along on what is presumably a blast of magic emanating from his asshole.
This, however, is only the second-most-hilarious jet ski glitch in the game. It's also possible that your jet ski decides to fuck off without you, leaving Leon to hilariously hover over the water, slowly glancing down like Wile E. Coyote the moment he realizes he's run off the cliff:
"No, come back! Baby, I can change!"
Then a moment later, he calmly goes zipping off after it, while a bewildered Ashley presumably watches from the dock and wonders if the whole adventure hasn't in fact been one long peyote trip.