6 Substances That Wipe Their Ass With the Laws of Physics

Physics is a bastard that can't be trusted. Just walk off a cliff and see how willing it is to turn on your "I love science!" ass with the slightest provocation. Luckily, humanity has its ways of sticking it to the laws of matter and motion. We pointed it out before, but it's worth reiterating that modern geniuses are more than capable of mooning physics with the twin butt-cheeks of innovation and technology.

#6. Graphene Can Do Almost Anything

American Graphite

Visible to the human eye in a layer that's only one atom thick, able to bend into shapes that would make your mom blush (no small feat, the strumpet), and pound-for-pound quite probably the strongest material in the world -- graphene is undoubtedly a bad motherfucker.

In fact, it shows incredible properties in almost every field of strength and conductance. It transports electrons 10 times faster than silicon, and may soon be replacing it as the go-to material for transistors and computer parts. If that's not impressive enough for you, how about the fact that graphene is technically a plastic, so it should have no business conducting electricity -- yet here it goes like it ain't no thing.

BBC, via Youtube
It's the plastic equivalent of that cool guy at the bar who keeps calling people "baby girl."

We're talking about "charging iPhones within five seconds" conductivity here. Imagine a world with electric cars that recharge as quickly as filling your tank with gas, or paper-thin foldable plastic phones that recharge the instant you set them down -- that's exactly what graphene offers.

BBC, via Youtube
Great. Even douchier phone snobs. Thanks a lot, you stupid scientific miracle.

And then there's the slight matter of its strength. Mix graphene with metals, and it increases their resilience 500-fold. But hell, you've been around the block. You've seen a few fancy new materials in your day -- lithium-ion batteries? Carbotanium? -- we'll forgive you if you stifle a yawn at mere strength and conductivity claims.

So here, meet graphene aerogel, one of the lightest materials in the world -- seen resting on a delicate plant without so much as bending the spines.

Zhejiang University
That's right, the future will finally give us a phone that's safe to accidentally drop on our balls.

So yeah, our friend Gary told us he heard that graphene is currently taking applications for "its bitch," if you wanna go ahead and submit a resume.

#5. LiquiGlide Makes a Fool Out of Friction


LiquiGlide is an insane, super slippery coating that prevents literally anything from sticking to it. Here's a LiquiGlide-coated ketchup bottle:

LiquiGlide, via Youtube
Good things come to those who don't waste their entire day trying to eat fries.

That was Round 1. Here's Round 2, in which LiquiGlide takes on a new challenger -- mayonnaise:

LiquiGlide, via Youtube
We wouldn't have thought mayonnaise could move any grosser, but there it goes.

Hahaha, you have no power here, condiments.

The obvious worry (since it's being demonstrated on food containers) is whether or not the stuff is safe for consumption -- after all, even non-stick mayo isn't worth it if it gives you a night of Olestra-caliber non-stick intestines. Fear not: LiquiGlide is made of completely edible, flavorless materials. Feel free to coat your dishes with the stuff, and never again worry about washing up!

Of course, you will have to worry about the slightest arm motion sending your frictionless mac-and-cheese Frisbeeing off your plate and across the living room -- but hey, just LiquiGlide the walls and you're all set. And the floors. And the couch. LiquiGlide everything.



Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images

Who would have thought the world wound end this way? Not with a bang, but the soft shuck of everything on Earth softly sliding away into space.

#4. Spray-on Batteries Turn Anything Into a Power Source

Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com

One of the greatest daily struggles of modern life is the Scourge of the Empty Battery. If you've ever been three quarters of the way to "there" when your tablet died and all of your PornHub tabs cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced, science has got your back. Researchers at Rice University are not the first to tackle the battery issue, but their solution is by far the most elegant: They're planning to wave the conventional battery goodbye and replace it with a battery compound that can be spray-painted on any surface.

Jupiterimages/Stockbyte/Getty Images
"Yes, batteries. Now who feels stupid, officer?"

Here's how it works: A conventional lithium-ion battery is made of the anode, cathode, and electrolyte. These ingredients are assembled to form the physical battery that we all know and are constantly disappointed in, like the parents of a Liberal Arts major moving back home after graduation. The scientists turned it into spray form by simply liquefying each of the components, presumably while stroking a white cat and muttering about how they've failed for the last time.

The technique seems to work on pretty much any material, from steel to wood to ... novelty beer steins?

Ajayan Lab/Rice University, Jeff Fitlow/Rice University
Time to party like a properly certified electrician.

Hey, nobody said you had to science sober, did they? All you have to do is spray the battery over a surface ...

Rice University, via Youtube

... and it can start powering your device instantly.

Rice University, via Youtube
"At last, the world will know my preferred side dish."

Researchers have found that an object turned into a power source with the battery-spray treatment is currently able to keep a set of 40 LEDs working for six hours, and it's completely rechargeable. However, as enticing as powering your laptop with a novelty drinking accessory may seem, it's worth remembering that the technology is not exactly at commercial stage yet. Constructing a functional spray-on battery requires multiple layers of different "paints," and attaching one to your gadget of choice requires a fair bit of creative wiring. But it's all worth it when you power on your Xbox using only that Amish man's beard and note the exact second he sees the devil.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!