The 6 Most Aggressively Stupid Acts of Human Endurance

The English language should have a word for that feeling when you simultaneously admire a person and are also completely baffled by them. That's how we feel about all of the people below. Each one did things that required extreme amounts of dedication and perseverance -- qualities that would probably let these people rule the world, if only they devoted them to something that wasn't utterly insane.

#6. Kirby Roy Practices Getting Kicked in the Nuts (a Lot)

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There are two facts that will forever remain a constant in our universe. The first is that if you're a male, at some point in your life you WILL get kicked in the balls. And second, you would sell your own grandmother to a traveling circus to avoid being kicked there again.

Jupiterimages/BananaStock/Getty Images &
"Sorry, Gamgam, but it's for the greater good ..."

We therefore must assume that martial arts instructor Kirby Roy loves his grandma a little too much, because in a world record that no sane person would want to challenge, he has withstood a 22 mph kick to the nuts from MMA fighter Justice Smith, a force so strong that it can literally fracture the pelvis (and we assume turn testicles into liquid). Warning -- no one should watch the following video:

Wait, it gets worse! See, nobody wakes up one morning and suddenly decides to partake in such an extreme act of masochism, and Kirby Roy didn't, either. No, this man has spent the better part of his life training his bags of joy to withstand such punishment. And you can only do that via repetition.

Under the tutelage of juko-ryu kijutsu practitioner Dr. Rod Sacharnoski, Roy has spent several decades learning various techniques in order to withstand strikes to the throat, temple, legs, and, most importantly, testicles, without showing signs of pain. The process, as you can imagine, is simultaneously simple and unfathomable. One must start by "lightly tapping their testicles with a paddle" before slowly, over the course of a year, increasing the force until they can withstand a full whack without weeping uncontrollably. It's only when this is achieved that students like Roy can begin to receive actual strikes from their fellow peers, and take part in crazy record attempts with it.
"This is just a ploy to get us all to touch your balls, isn't it?"

Here's the thing ... we understand wanting to condition yourself a little bit to not be such a wuss. But receiving a kick to the balls is something that all men universally understand to be 100 percent exempt from all external demonstrations of toughness and bravery. It's OK if you break down sobbing and curl up into the fetal position, and no one on planet Earth would think any less of you. And even if they did, is it something that comes up so often that you need to devote decades of your life to developing leathery, impact-proof nuts? If so, you may have other problems in your life that should be addressed first.

#5. Kenichi Ito Spends His Life Perfecting Running on All Fours

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As you can see, what fascinates us about these feats are the weird superhero-type origin stories that lay behind them. Which brings us to Kenichi Ito, the man who, through years of practice, mastered the art of running really fast on all fours.

Reuters/Kim Kyung-Hoon
How is he not constantly running into things?

If this doesn't look grueling to you, go ahead and get up and walk around on all fours for a moment. No cheating by getting on your knees, either -- all fours, with feet and palms planted on the ground. Now imagine doing that for an hour. Now eight. Now about a thousand. Now just walk like that everywhere, all the time. See how long you can do it before your spine rejects your body and leaps out of your back, running away, shrieking.

It all started when, as a child, Ito picked up the unfortunate nickname "monkey." Hey, it happens. What typically doesn't happen is for the person to so totally embrace it the way this guy does. A true fan of all things simian, young Mr. Ito decided to spend a freaking decade of his life practicing to walk like a monkey, down on all fours, with his butt unceremoniously pointed heavenward. Or as he explains it:

"I really liked [monkeys], and somewhere inside of me I had this ambition to adopt one of their traits. When I saw a monkey that could run fast, I knew I'd found it -- and from that point on I practiced running like a monkey every day."

AP Photo/Koji Sasahara
"I originally wanted to adopt the poop flinging, but lacked the arm and accuracy."

Call him crazy, but you have to admire his dedication -- this guy got so adept at this style of locomotion that he's even started setting Guinness World Records for racing on all fours, clocking a 100-meter dash in less than 18 seconds -- probably faster than what most of us could do on two legs.

Koji Sasahara/Associated Press
Although we'll gladly give up that ability for having to have that haircut.

Not everyone around him was so understanding, unfortunately. The locals harassed Ito so much that he had to scamper up to the mountains for a month-long "training camp" just so he could practice his art in peace without the taunts of bystanders insisting that he was making a mockery of evolution. His plans were somewhat derailed, however, when a huntsman mistook him for a wild boar and tried to shoot him. We're not making a joke. That actually happened.

#4. Amar Bharti Holds His Arm in the Air ... for 40 Years

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When most people are a bit down on their luck, they like to go home after a hard day's work, crack open a few beers, and spend the next several hours lost in a soothing Honey Boo Boo marathon. An Indian man went through a similar experience, and proved that he was not most people.
Except for the Mardi Gras beads. He got those the same way most topless people do.

Amar Bharti decided to devote himself fully to the Hindu god Shiva. He started with doing what any reasonable god would approve of; namely, leaving his wife and children to fend for themselves and becoming a homeless nomad. But when that move didn't bring the expected results (whatever those would be), he decided to raise his right hand in the air and keep it up. Um, "for peace." That was in 1973, which is nigh on 40 years spent asking for permission to use the bathroom.

Unfortunately, this gesture did not bring about world peace, and Amar Bharti's arm now doesn't work whatsoever. His atrophied limb is locked into place, uncut fingernails twisting around his gnarled hand. And while this act of sacrifice was incredibly painful to begin with, he now says he has lost all feeling. "It hurt for the first year and a half," he said, "but it's fine now, thanks."
Pictured: "fine."

Amar Bharti also belongs to the Naga sect of sadhus, which is a group of Shiva worshipers who have been known to engage in even more bizarre and extreme acts of devotion. One well-known trick is to pick up a huge rock with nothing other than the penis, usually severing nerve endings in the process. We decided to put this guy in the article instead, because we can actually show pictures of this.

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