6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Retarded) Point
History is full of great men and women who laid down their lives for a cause they believed in. What the history books don't tell you about, however, is the small handful of bull-headed people who've given their lives for causes that really didn't matter to anyone but them.
Here are six people who proved a very important point: It's really easy to die doing something retarded.
#6.
Franz Reichelt
What He Tried to Prove:
That he was both an awesome inventor and that the law of gravity simply did not apply to him.
The Method:
Franz Reichelt, a tailor by trade, dreamed of inventing a fashion accessory that would allow a person to float safely to the ground after falling from a great height (perhaps after jumping out of one of those new-fangled flying machines they were experimenting with at the time).
What He Actually Proved:
Newton's law of universal gravitation.
More specifically, he proved that falling from a great height will result in death even if you happen to be wearing one of these convenient, comfy garments:
"Ladies, gentlemen... behold! My entire wardrobe, sewn together!"
Reichelt's "coat parachute," pictured above, was supposed to function in the same way as a modern parachute. The ultimate test of his invention was when, in 1912, he jumped off the Eiffel Tower in front of an assembled group of worried onlookers. You can pretty much imagine how that went.
Fortunately for the internet, but unfortunately for Reichelt, his tragic failure and subsequent impact with France was captured on what has to be one of the first ever examples of a viral video.
It's difficult to imagine how Reichelt could have thought his invention would be successful. Sure, Batman pulls off this stunt repeatedly and with alarming ease in The Dark Knight. However, Bruce Wayne had the advantage of space age smart cloth, he wasn't just sewing a bunch of trench coats together. And he's also the goddamned Batman.
Not pictured: Franz Reichelt
#5.
Bando Mitsugoro VIII
What He Tried to Prove:
That he was invincible, at least where poison was involved.
The Method:
Bando Mitsugoro VIII was a Japanese Kabuki actor, good enough to be named a "living national treasure" by the Japanese government, a title that became particularly poignant in 1975 when he became rather the opposite of living.
On the 16th of January of that year, Mitsugoro went to a restaurant with friends and ordered four "fugu livers." These are better known in Western society as "pufferfish liver" or "a deathwish", as the fish are so poisonous you should call a hazmat team every time one washes up on the beach.
I'mma fuck you up.
Mitsugoro's intention was to prove his immunity to the poison by ingesting four times the amount that could ordinarily kill a dude.
What He Actually Proved:
Why did he think he was immune? We're guessing he didn't, and was just one of those guy who likes to make shit up at parties. Now, we'll admit it takes balls to run with a lie that can potentially kill you. But Mitsugoro didn't just run with it, he jumped into a sports car and sped off a cliff.
Seven hours after ingesting the four livers, Mitsugoro was dead. According to the Fugu experts at Wikipedia, the victim of the neurotoxin found in fugu liver "remains fully conscious throughout most of the ordeal, but cannot speak or move due to paralysis, and soon also cannot breathe and subsequently asphyxiates."
This means Mitsugoro almost certainly died looking up at several friends pointing and saying they knew he was full of shit and that he should pay up (we're just assuming a bet was made somewhere along the line).
#4.
Garry Hoy
What He Tried to Prove:
That high rise glass is unbreakable, and that the universe has no sense of irony.
The Method:
Garry Hoy was a lawyer from Toronto, Canada, whose claim to fame is being the punch-line for every single "famous last words" joke ever made. Those last words pertained to how the glass windows of his 24th storey office in the Toronto-Dominion Centre were "unbreakable."
You can see where this is going.
"How can I get the interns to respect me..."
What He Actually Proved:
As you may have guessed (you veritable Sherlock Holmes, you!), Garry tested his little theory by slamming his body up against the glass. He burst through the window and plunged to his death, leaving a group of nervous interns either freaking the hell out, or fervently writing down a "famous last words" joke, depending on how much of a callous asshole they were.
"You hear something?"
What is shocking about this story is that the window gave way on his second attempt. Apparently Garry was unable to rest after having risked his life just one time. We can imagine how the scene went down:
Garry: "These windows are unbreakable, kids!"
[General laughter.]
Garry: "No really, check this out. Don't try this at home, kids."
[Garry hurls himself at the glass to shocked cries. The glass holds, and raucous applause erupts from the interns.]
Garry: "Hold your applause. I'm not satisfied with having proved the strength of this glass just once."
[Garry's face turns dark.]
Garry: "Let's see what you're really made of, glass."
[Garry gets a 30 foot running start and launches himself, Superman style, through the glass. This time, the window gives way and sends him plunging to his death.]
"Ha ha! Take that, glass! Oh wait. Shit!"
Perhaps the best (or worst, if you value human life) part about this story is that it wasn't actually the glass that broke - the window pane popped out, and is the reason he fell to his death.
So, in a way, Garry actually did prove his point, though we figure it won't be much consolation to his family. Still, wherever he is right now, he's probably fist-pumping and saying something along the lines of "in your face!"
#3.
Jeff Dailey and Peter Burkowski
What They Tried to Prove:
That they were the ironmen of the 80s video game scene.
The Method:
Jeff Dailey and Peter Burkowski were teenagers and avid video gamers, aged 19 and 18 respectively. Their game of choice was the popular arcade hit "Berzerk," in which players control a stick-figure character who is trapped in a perilous maze populated by ambiguously-shaped robot enemies.
Jeff and Peter both had a passion for the game that bordered on dangerous obsession. Fatal obsession, you might say. Fatal Attraction you would not say, because it wouldn't make any sense in this context.
Anyway, they pushed their limits day after day, determined to prove once and for all that they were the undisputed masters of the universe and all of that which is contained within it. And that they were good at video games. Mostly the video games bit, really.
What They Actually Proved:
If you're in poor enough physical condition, even video gaming can be an extreme sport.
In 1981, Jeff Dailey died of a heart attack after posting a dazzling high score of 16,660. A year later, Peter Burkowski achieved two similar high scores, and also died of a heart attack shortly after.
Now, we're not saying that gaming is bad, but we question the wisdom of playing to the point of neglecting other vital areas of your life, like social interaction, physical health or not being dead.
Some say Jeff and Peter must have had some kind of underlying heart conditions, but that is just speculation. What is apparently real is video game addiction, a sickness of the mind which also claimed the life of 28-year-old South Korean man Lee Seung Seop in 2005, after a 50-hour Starcraft session. All we can say is we hope he won.
#2.
Jennifer Strange
What She Tried to Prove:
That as retarded as radio contest are, they could never be retarded enough to actually kill you.
The Method:
Jennifer Strange was a 28-year-old woman and a mother of three from California. As far as we know, she lived a perfectly normal life, until she saw a chance to get the hot toy of the year: a Nintendo Wii. Parents were lining up in the middle of the night to get the things.
In 2007, the radio station KDND 107.9 "The End" held a competition cleverly titled "Hold Your Wee for a Wii," in which participants had to consume copious quantities of water without using the bathroom. The prize, as you may have guessed, was a Nintendo Wii, and Jennifer Strange felt she needed one of these so badly that she would go against thousands of years of biological imperative and prove that she didn't need to urinate.
What She Actually Proved:
Jennifer died of a condition known as "water intoxication", which is caused when vast amounts of liquids are taken into the body and results in a fatal electrolyte imbalance in the brain.
On one hand, you could try to dress this up by saying she just really cared about her children. But then you remember that she wasn't putting her body through agony and unnatural stresses to win some life-saving medicine for her kid. It was a Nintendo fucking Wii. And it wasn't like some once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, either, if they waited a few months they could have just bought one off the shelf at freaking Wal-Mart.
Everybody involved at the radio station was fired. And, adding insult to death, Jennifer didn't even win the competition. We hope the winner enjoys their game console.
#1.
Christopher McCandless
What He Tried to Prove:
That he didn't need the shallow comforts of modern life, damnit.
The Method:
Everyone, at some point in their life, has had the desire to just leave it all behind. For some people, this involves starting over in another country, for others, it involves cancelling their World of Warcraft subscription. Christopher McCandless decided, fuck it, he'd just leave his family, and all of civilization, behind.
McCandless had a strong contempt for the "empty materialism of American society," and just took off to live in the wild of Alaska, with little to no food or equipment. Just the way nature intended!
What He Actually Proved:
That the corrupt, capitalist society he so loathed was pretty much the only thing keeping him alive. Though the book on McCandless's life and the movie it spawned were sympathetic to the whole situation, many Alaskans believe that he was foolish to embark on such a lifestyle without the appropriate skills or equipment, such as a map or compass. Or common sense.
Alaskan Park Ranger Peter Christian has said,
"When you consider McCandless from my perspective, you quickly see that what he did wasn't even particularly daring, just stupid, tragic, and inconsiderate. First off, he spent very little time learning how to actually live in the wild. He arrived at the Stampede Trail without even a map of the area. If he [had] had a good map he could have walked out of his predicament [... ] Essentially, Chris McCandless committed suicide."
Ouch. The man who set out to prove we didn't need frivolities like houses and electricity wound up being the poster child for staying indoors. Good job, Chris.
For more baffling people whose obsessions might cost them their lives, check out 5 Awesome Movies Ruined By Last-Minute Changes. Or find out about some other people you've never heard of, but whose asses you should be kissing, in 5 People You've Never Heard Of Who Saved the World.
Andrew also writes for The Deadbeat, another comedy site that you should check out. /Do it now/.
The best part of McCandless's death was that he was the prodigal son of an insanely rich family, and he had a bright future ahead of him before he threw away hundreds of dollars of his own money and got rid of all his possessions in the middle of the desert to be a hobo (or a "tramp", as he called it.)
ReplyStill think being a hipster is cool, kids?
#2 Really doesn't fit well in this article. She never tried to PROVE anything, just win something. If she knew there was such a thing as "water intoxication", she probably would've just said "Fuck it" and buy them a Gamecube or something.
ReplyI often want to do what #1 did - not leave it all behind, but leave it all behind and go die somewhere quiet. Was he trying to prove a point, or did he just want to f**k off? I'm guessing the latter, and that he doesn't belong on this list.
ReplyI feel bad for #2. Yeah, maybe she should've known better, but the radio station was WARNED AHEAD OF TIME that they were playing with fire and they laughed it off. Then killed a woman. Then got fired. Pro.
No, he actually was trying to prove a point about the shallowness of culture and whatever. He actually came from a pretty well-off family and just got sick of it, I guess. Of course, it probably doesn't help that he was (allegedly) bipolar.
Chris: *mood swing* f**k SOCIETY, TIME TO TO THE FOREST MAN, I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS s**t *weeks later*
*mood swing* This was a horrible idea, I am starving, thirsty, and cold, and I really, really want my mommy.
At least, that's the only reason I can see #1 happening. Even if that's not how Bipolar works (it's not)
The water overdose lady shouldn't be included. She didn't die to prove a point, she died because she had no idea that drinking water could kill you.
ReplyTimothy Treadwell as far as I am aware wasn't really trying to "prove a retarded point" like what the article is talking about. He just really, really liked bears. Such a sad story.
ReplyDid we read the same article?
They're responding to a comment several comments below.
I remember when Jennifer Strange died. The poor girl didn't know that you could die from ingesting too much water, a lot of people didn't. I had read about it a few years earlier in Reader's Digest. Before that I'd never given it any thought. I do remember also that a nurse called in to the radio program and told the D.J.'s that what they were doing was very dangerous. I don't know if the contestants heard this or not. She's the one I feel sorry for. Her husband made the statement that she was just trying to win something nice for her family, that she had no idea she'd be risking her life.
ReplyI didn't know that drinking so much water at once was dangerous until I heard about the woman who died.
Like, about ten years ago, we did have sports drink in the vending machines, but most of us just guzzled water after gym. I was had choir after gym so I used to drink a LOT of water (oh, that I didn't want to feel hungry during practice and was filling my stomach with water instead of snack before a sandwich was also a factor), and I didn't realise it at the time that the nausea and headache I was feeling was probably electrode balance related. Who would think that you could die from drinking water?
interesting #1 so sad though
ReplyI read Jon Krakauer's "Into the Wild," and what killed McCandless was his ingestion of a plant that destroyed his ability to absorb nutrients from food, so even though he had enough to eat, he starved to death.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesHe still went there with nothing and ate the damn thing. it could have been easily avoided with a book of what plant are good or not in the wild. Or he could have just get the hell out of here and go to the nearest village once he started to feel like s**t after eating it, using a compass or a map. The guy is just an inconsiderate hippie that though he knew better lol
According to Krakauer, McCandless did have a book on what plants were good to eat in the wild. The book was wrong.
The guy who wrote the book romanticized McCandless's story and when his claims were investigated nobody found anything to substantiate that things happened the way he said. It's more likely the city boy was burning more calories than he was taking in and starving to death.
Scientists tested the plants that supposedly killed him and found that they were not toxic. He died of starvation and stupidity.
Given how fucked up society is these days, it's hard to blame Chris McCandless for being in such a hurry to leave.
ReplyOn a sidenote, I recommend the movie "Into The Wild" for everyone in this comments section.
McCandless was found with $300 and his ID sealed in a ziploc bag. Evidently, he planned to return to civilization at some point.
What about the guy who tried to prove that people could live among bears and ended up being eaten by a grizzly bear?
Replythat's really sad. :( but if I've learned one thing, it's that everything in nature wants to kill us, even the caterpillars....
1. Chris McCandless had done things like this multiple times previously. He was a smart, intelligent person, who graduated with flying colors from Emory. He was not stupid by any definition of the word. 2. He died from lack of calorie consumption (basically starvation). He was not killed by any fungus as Krakaur (his biographer) claims, but did not eat enough to survive. 3. HE HAD A MAP. He also had a number of different forms of identification in a backpack hidden in the woods near the bus, as well as several hundred dollars in cash. Krakaur left these teensy weensy details out of the book because he wanted to give the story a dramatic edge. 4. Chris survived for 113 days without any contact of any kind. He was able to kill a moose with an incredibly underpowered rifle, explored much of the area around his home base of an abandoned bus, and was healthy enough to be writing forms of poetry throughout his "Great Alaskan Adventure", as he called it. 5. Chris wasn't trying to prove any point. He was just trying to live like he wanted to live. Go read Walden, people, and learn something about trancendentalism before you start beating on someone who followed it. I don't think he would have wanted to die anywhere else. So I suggest you actually read a guy's biography rather than just a quote from one Alaskan Ranger before you put someone like that as #1 on any list with the term "pointless" in it.
Reply Hide All See All 9 RepliesHe's only number one because the list doesn't go any higher.
I... I'm not even sure if that's supposed to be in support or against McCandless... Do I argue or thank you?
You know the saying "if it's stupid but works, it's not stupid"? Yeah this is the opposite of that. It's not like he was mauled by wolves or something. He starved and that takes a LONG time. If he had all the backup stuff you mentioned, then he was foolishly stubborn. He may not be stupid, but he did a very stupid thing.
There are plenty of "genius" types that don't have a lick of common sense.
Scholastic achievement does not always make one smart. Neither does wondering off into the woods and starving to death.
What benefit did his experience bring? I knew a lot of folks who had fantastic grades in college, but no real smarts. This guy may not have been all there
I believe the "pointless" point was the lack of preparation and his subsequent death. From what I've read was he did try to depart from his home base but found it blocked. Had he known more of the area, there was an alternative route that would've brought him to safety. Also at one point there were some kind of cabins that were broken into and their contents sacked, which rangers believed were from his savaging. the sad fact is that if he knew better he would have survived 113+ days.
"2. He died from lack of calorie consumption (basically starvation)"
He was a moron, basically.
why do humans think they can survive in the nature? as a species, we're pretty feeble, plus nature wants us dead, and always has for some reason...
For #1 It explained in the book he died by a freak accident and could of survived longer if not for it. Christopher McCandless survived a month on his own in Alaska in the dead of winter. When the people in Alaska who called him stupid were asked if they could of survived in the winter wilds as long as him none of them said they ever could. He also died not starvation but from a tiny almost invisible fungus found on a wild edible plant he ate. The poisonous fungus gave his body problems with digesting food so no matter how much he ate or drank he still starved but not from his lack of knowledge.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesThe fungus was poisonous and the cause of his death but it only appeared on the plant in very specific circumstances. It also wasn't easily avoidable by any native Alaskan because the fungus was a wild plant and hardly any person ate it or knew about it. The only reason the author knew about the plant and fungus was because he did extensive research and had to look in a old book from the 1800s to find any information. Meaning at the time no living person, without in depth knowledge of obscure books, would of known about the fungus species, how to identify the incredibly small signs of it, and know that it was deadly. The plant the fungus was on is edible it just was only ever eaten by natives so when the natives changed to modern living most forgot about the plant so it hasn't been eaten by a human for at least a hundred years.
In the book it said even a survivalist that knew everything about how to survive in the wild could of died from the same thing. It was a innocent mistake that could of happened to anyone. I'm not trying to criticism this articles writer but his isn't just some tiny nitpicking of the article this a human beings life and his reputation. I just had to say this because the author made such a big point in the book on how innocent the man was yet he's still called an idiot. I'm just so upset that such a major and important part of the book was over looked by so many people who read it.
the book was wrong. Wait, which book are we talking about?
Thanks, that's actually very interesting... but...
"could HAVE".
Sorry that you spent all that time typing, but I'm going with the actual park ranger on this one.
Uhm, survived a month in the dead of winter only if you consider August to be the dead of winter. I'm an Alaskan - trust me, it's NOT the dead of winter. Try doing some actual research, rather than drinking the McCandless Kool-Aid. The only thing worse than his idiocy is the fools who consider him some sort of folk hero.
"When the people in Alaska who called him stupid were asked if they could of survived in the winter wilds as long as him none of them said they ever could."
…Which is why most of them don't try to. Also, it's could "have".
What about the dude who died in order to document the taste of cyanide?
ReplyIt tastes like....burning.
Bitter almonds apparently.
What McCandless did was not, in and of itself, a stupid activity. Many people go into the wilderness for extended time periods, or at least have done this in the past. Trappers and explorers come to mind. It was his lack of preparation and savvy that really did him in, as well as his over-confidence in his own abilities.
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesOn the other hand, #2-6 of this story were all doing completely stupid things that a reasonable person would have assessed as either extremely reckless or even suicidal. (e.g. launching oneself off the Eiffel Tower in a bird suit)
Mcandless is a prime example of why some people should stay in the cities. Reading a few books is not enough to survive up here. (this is 26+ years of living out away from town and off grid in AK) p.s. Before you ask how I can post this... Think USB modem and laptop.
Right on hairy_1, right on. My favorite song is Foghat's "Fool For The City". I readily admit that I will be eaten by the zombies on the first day, as soon as I run out of ammo. jahjeremy, you are dead wrong. 99% of us would also be dead if we tried what McCandless tried. That is why we DON'T try it.
Cracky, if you read what I wrote closely, I'm just saying that surviving in the wilderness is actually something that is quite possible, given the right preparations. People have been out in the Alaskan wilderness for months at a time and come back to tell the tale. Some people have back after weeks of being forcibly stranded. If you think about it, life was one long camping expedition before civilization, so we actually used to do this as a living. Eskimos and other natives can live for extended periods in very harsh environments. So it is certainly possible. Could most people do it? No, I agree with you that most modern people thrust into this environment haphazardly could not, but many people potentially could survive. I think far more than 1% could conceivably do it, given the right equipment, knowledge, and preparations. So that's what I think about that, not that I think what McCandless did was some kind of fantastic idea (obviously not), but that I can sorta, kinda see where he was coming from and could see how he might think that he could make it through alive. He was just woefully unprepared, both in the gear he brought along and in his knowledge of how to live off the land.
On the other hand, these other items strike me as suicidal. For instance, there is nothing one could do to not die from eating four blowfish livers or launching oneself through a plate glass window many stories off the ground.
And why is this damn comment box just three lines tall? Geez.
Oh, and BTW, Cracky, if McCandless had learned the lay of the land before his epic journey, he would have been able to cross back over the swollen creek to safety, or he would have known the location of several well-stocked cabins in the area where he could have gotten some food or gone for help. He wasn't actually really that far out in the wilderness. (Like, how else did that bus get there if it wasn't pretty close to a road?) Alaska has some extremely remote and hostile terrain, but this wasn't a particularly bad area. Tourists visit the bus for fun, for God's sake.
Damn fine comments, jahjeremy. I couldn't agree more.
You can say he was stubborn, or that he had the conviction to live on his terms until he couldn't support himself any more. Whether he died a week later or 5 decades later is irrelevant if he lived and died the way he chose to.
I agree with the other posters. Grizzly Man should have made the list. He definitely trumps Into the Wild guy.
Reply"Ah, that's a cute wittle grizzly bear! Can I swim with you?"
Chris's mistakes were numerous, but people die in the wilderness all the time from a series of dumb choices. He could have conceivably survived and walked out of there had things gone a bit differently for him.
On the other hand, treating full grown grizzly bears like My Little Ponies is a surefire recipe for getting dismembered and eaten.
You got that right. If you read about him you will find out that he was a bit of a con artist instead of an expert.
If I leave everything to live in the wild, I think I would select a place in the caribbean or the pacific instead Alaska ¬¬
ReplyFlawless plan, Cracked! It's a great idea to use a slightly different title when you link to this article from the sidebar. NO ONE WILL EVER NOTICE.
ReplyIt's not that no one noticed so much as that no one GIVES A FUCK.
I remember when my brother preordered the Wii and we stood outside a Toys-R-Us the day of it's release. That was a good morning.
ReplyAnd the Darwin Awards goes to.........
ReplyI'm currently reading the book on McCandless, "Into the Wild". While I do think he was a dumb*ss for doing what he did in Alaska, the kid did manage to survive on his own with little or no possessions, in the lower 48, mainly in the Southwest, for quite some time. He also paddled a canoe over the US border into Mexico and out into the ocean. He almost died doing that too. But it has to be said that he was doing fine until he finally decided to abandon civilization completely with no plan of any kind. The book even has a chapter dedicated to Alaskan's responses to Chris' misadventure and they all think he is A)retarded and B) not at all unique. That sort of thing (stupid ideologue trying to live out Jack London-esque fantasy) apparently happens a lot up there, with generally predictable results. The book offers no good refutation of these arguments either, though it is grossly sympathetic and its romanticizing of the whole affair is probably responsible for the deaths of many others.
ReplyNatural selection can be funny.