All of the below treatments sound like bullshit. If your doctor suggested them, you'd probably say you wanted a second opinion, then run out of the clinic and leave him or her a scathing review on Yelp. But sometimes the craziest ideas have science on their side, so don't be so quick to call your doctor a quack if he or she recommends ...
5Curing Cancer With Herpes
You don't normally see doctors taking a "divide and conquer" approach to curing disease. If you tell the doc you've got both food poisoning and pneumonia, you rarely hear him say, "Good! Let those fuckers fight it out!" Yet a London hospital found that the herpes virus, used in conjunction with chemotherapy and radiotherapy, helped kill cancerous cells in 93 percent of patients diagnosed with head and neck cancer (the article offers no explanation as to what in the blue-haired goblin balls led them to this discovery). So, yeah, apparently some diseases will turn on each other if they both invade the same spot in your body. Maybe they're like gangs fighting over street corners.
Or Liu Kangs fighting over street corn.
In the experiment, a genetically altered version of the herpes virus was injected into cancerous cells, exposing them to a super-mutant variant of herpes that destroyed the cancer from the inside out. The altered virus didn't spread to healthy cells and simultaneously acted as an immune system whistle-blower, alerting the body's immune cells to the cancer's presence. From then on, things played out like the bathroom fight scene from The Warriors, with cancer playing the part of the roller-skating gang member who gets back-flipped into a toilet.
The researchers stress that the treatment is most effective if cancer is detected in its early stages, but out of their initial test group of 17 patients, only two experienced a relapse after being dosed with Ultra Herpes. While their group consisted only of patients with head and neck cancer (which includes cancer of the mouth and throat), they are confident that herpes might one day be used to fight all types of cancer. The technique is currently being tested on skin cancer and even breast cancer, which has the potential to lead to some of the most disquieting pickup lines ever belched out by drunken STD farms.