The study involved 228 adults with skin ulcers and concluded that the refreshing application of baby-dick spray once every two weeks (in addition to compression bandages, which help stop the wounds from bleeding and are a standard part of skin ulcer treatment) could actually heal the ulcers without the need of skin grafts. In addition, the spray could also treat people whose skin doesn't respond to the more conventional (read: less infant-genital-centric) methods. So in summation, you can mist an aggressive skin sore with liquefied baby wing-wangs to keep your leg from rotting off. Hooray for science.
Taking Tylenol to Heal Emotional Pain
Everyone at some point experiences what's referred to as social pain (bullying, rejection, debilitating awkwardness, etc.) that leaves them feeling crushingly vulnerable. Granted, it's often not the type of thing that's severe enough to need a huge dose of antidepressants, so you wind up just locking yourself in your room and listening to some angry music for the rest of the night. It's not like you can go to your medicine cabinet and swallow a pill for your hurt feelings, right?
Wrong, jerkloser. It turns out there's a pill you can take for the pains of social failure, and it's been right in front of our picked-last-for-kickball faces this whole time. The wonder drug in question is standard, over the counter, any-asshat-can-buy-it Tylenol.
"I am so pissed off right now. Hand me a razor blade and a straw."
In 2009, a research team at the University of Kentucky conducted two experiments to see whether acetaminophen (the active ingredient in Tylenol and other over-the-counter pain relievers) could be used to treat psychological pain as well as physical. In the first experiment, a group of 62 volunteers were given either 1,000 milligrams of acetaminophen or a placebo and were then asked to provide daily reports on the amount of social pain they'd suffered by making notations on the "Hurt Feelings Scale." The level of social pain steadily decreased over time in the group taking the actual drug, whereas the control group experienced no change whatsoever.