#3. There's Something About Mary -- Jeffrey Tambor's Character Gets Eaten by a Snake
In There's Something About Mary, Pat Healy (Matt Dillon) is a private investigator who is hired to track down the title character, but he winds up becoming infatuated with her. He gets assistance from a cop friend of his named Sully, played by Jeffrey Tambor, who also plays George Bluth Sr. in Arrested Development.
Or it might be the dude who plays his twin brother, Oscar ... we're not sure.
Sully seems to be the only major male character in the film who does not develop an unhealthy obsession with Mary. In fact, he just disappears from the movie at some point and never comes back. Late in the film, there's a scene that takes place in Sully's apartment, which is a huge mess for some reason, but this is never explained.
Then again, this is a Farrelly brothers movie, so we just assumed he got his dong stuck in something.
The Deleted Backstory
Sully's sudden disappearance is explained in the deleted scenes from the film, and it involves drug abuse and a massive man-eating snake.
According to the movie's original screenplay, Sully is a recovering cocaine addict who has been clean for 19 months. This lasts until the moment when his pal Healy, knowing full well that Sully is trying hard to stay sober, pressures him into drinking a beer.
"The cocaine-flavored brand? What could possibly go wrong?"
This sends Sully into a spiral of self-destruction -- later on, we discover that he has fallen completely off the wagon and is snorting cocaine like a vacuum cleaner. As in, from the floor.
They had to cut these scenes because he kept going "HEY NOW!"
Oh, and we also find out that Sully has a giant pet python who hasn't been fed in days. Healy then shows up at Sully's apartment and realizes that he was swallowed by the snake; that's what all the mess you saw in the movie was about.
"Hey, I just bumped into Jon Voight's character from Anaconda."
Now, There's Something About Mary wasn't exactly a Disney movie, but the idea of a reformed coke addict regressing back to his habit and dying a horrible death because of it was deemed slightly too dark, and the entire plotline was cut. Hey, speaking of cocaine ...
#2. Ferris Bueller's Day Off -- Charlie Sheen's Character Explains Ferris
Late in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Ferris' sister, Jeanie, is brought into a police station and winds up sitting next to Charlie Sheen, who is playing a nameless washed-up stoner.
We don't even have to write a joke here -- Charlie Sheen's life already did.
Sheen's entire role consists of telling Jeanie not to be such a square and later making out with her. He was basically just making a cameo appearance in the movie before he was even famous.
The Deleted Backstory
In the original script, however, Sheen's character is named Garth Volbeck, and he has a full backstory that might change the way you think of this movie. More specifically, it might mean that Ferris isn't such a dick after all.
He just looks like one.
Early in the script, Ferris goes on a spiel about a kid he used to be friends with in the eighth grade, Garth Volbeck:
Ferris explains that Garth came from a troubled family and even had a psycho older brother who once ate "a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped." Ferris was apparently the only person who ever tried to help Garth and be a friend to him, but Garth would eventually drop out of high school and get into even more trouble.
What kind of trouble, you might ask? The kind that leads to him sitting in the police station next to Jeanie. The scene with Charlie Sheen goes pretty much exactly like in the movie, except for this part:
This backstory actually explains Ferris' whole character: Ferris claims that his entire motivation for skipping school that day is to help his troubled friend, Cameron, but we always assumed that it was just an excuse to take a joy ride in his dad's Ferrari. However, the fact that Ferris had previously tried to help another friend and failed miserably makes him seem a lot more sincere about wanting to help Cameron. Garth represents Cameron's possible future if Ferris doesn't do something.
And not just because they both ended up on Spin City.
Of course, for all of Ferris' good intentions, Cameron still ended up trashing his dad's Ferrari, so maybe Garth will soon be getting a new cellmate.
#1. American Beauty -- Kevin Spacey's Killer Frames Spacey's Daughter for the Murder
American Beauty starts with the main character, Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey), carelessly spoiling the rest of the film by revealing that he dies at the end. However, the movie does keep you in suspense about who is responsible for Lester's death. The opening scenes seem to imply that Lester's teenage daughter, Jane, is planning to murder Lester with her boyfriend, Ricky, as he videotapes her.
This was the 1999 equivalent of typing "how to commit murder" into Google.
Of course, it turns out that Jane and Ricky were just kidding around, and at the end, it's revealed that Ricky's closeted gay father shot Lester in the head. Case closed.
The Deleted Backstory
Ricky's father originally had an even more important role in the movie -- he frames Jane and Ricky for the murder he committed. It turns out that keeping a tape of you and your boyfriend discussing a murder in the house where the actual murderer lives isn't such a good idea after all. In Alan Ball's first draft of the American Beauty screenplay, the story starts with Ricky and Jane going on trial for killing Lester.
The movie was originally supposed to have the framing device of the sensational trial of Jane and Ricky. We later find out that in order to take suspicion off himself, Ricky's father turned in the incriminating videotape where Ricky and Jane joked about killing Lester, and everyone ate it up.
But first he had to sift through 100 hours of footage of a plastic bag floating around.
After this tape is shown in court, Ricky and Jane do not have a chance. At the end, they are both found guilty and sent to prison. The movie would have ended with the still unbearably pretentious Ricky singing to himself in his cell as he admires the beauty of a dripping faucet. Yeah, OK, that kid deserved to go to jail.
According to Ball, all of these murder trial scenes were shot but ultimately cut out, since everyone felt that this ending was just too cynical. In the film, we never find out if Ricky's father is going to get away with the murder and ... hey, wait a minute, who's the actor who played him again?
Goddammit, Chris Cooper, you just can't help yourself when tapes are involved, can you?
Patrick is a wannabe writer masquerading as an engineer. You can make fun of him on twitter @PTatGT or send him hate mail at email@example.com. Robin Warder is the co-owner of a pop culture website called The Back Row.
For more scenes they probably should've left in, check out 7 Famous Movie Flaws That Were Explained in Deleted Scenes. Or discover 10 Deleted Scenes That Would've Ruined The Film.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 3 Medical Breakthroughs Discovered By Terrible Doctors.
And stop by LinkSTORM to see the deleted scene where Han and Luke kiss.
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