We're all for labor-saving devices. As far as we're concerned, the highest goal of science is to help us shirk our daily responsibilities. But there comes a point where making your life easier just isn't worth the humiliation.
All of these products have rocketed past that point, screaming and entirely without pants, using their clown shoes like rudders to steer the embarrassment missile that they have become.
There is a fine line with sagging trousers. They must hang low enough to upset your parents and impress the other 14-year-olds, but not so low that they'll fall down and reveal the thing you're attempting to compensate for. Regular belts just don't do the trick; what you need is a way to keep your saggy pants up where you say they belong, not where The Man with his fascist "belts" and "waists" wants them.
This is the Almost Balls model.
Subs buckle around the waist (but, you know, in a cool way; not in some lame "belt" way), and are clipped to the top of the pants to hold them in place. The website calls them "suspenders," but that's not quite right, is it? We already have a name for a piece of fabric that straps about the waist with little dangly clips to hold up the leg coverings below.
We call that a garter belt, G-Munnee.
10Solar Face Shield
If you've suffered from skin cancer, have especially sensitive skin or have merely sworn a blood vendetta against the upper-worlders and their precious sunlight, the Solar Face Shield might be for you. It provides full-face, 50+ UPF protection, as well as a convenient Moleman-snout-concealing faceplate. It comes in black polka dot (for the guys), pink polka dot (for the ladies) and or Morlock polka dot (for the Morlocks).
Isn't that the guy who pulled the trigger on the Death Star?
Protecting yourself against skin cancer is important, but there are myriad better ways to do it -- sunblocks, hats, umbrellas -- that don't involve the caustic mockery of strangers and the occasional panicked call to the CDC. In a surprisingly honest (if somewhat ill-advised) marketing move, the website itself even admits that when the company owner wore it in public, "... the visor made her the object of many jokes." She went on to say, however, that "it was fine," because "their day of reckoning will come," right before burrowing beneath the Earth's crust in a giant drill tank.