With our book on shelves, and your closet full of gifts you'll never actually use, we are running down the Top Christmas Gifts of 2010 and explaining whether they're worth keeping. Seeing the success of Apple's Mac vs. PC straw man gambit, we decided to find the gift recommendation equivalent of John Hodgman's doofus PC. Somehow, the third Google result for "The Top 10 Christmas Gifts of 2010" was from a website called ILoveIndia.com, the "Indian guide on culture, facts, lifestyle, cars, bikes, art & entertainment." To be fair, we won't be touching on their top three -- "Gift Basket," "Scrap Book" and "A Personal Surprise" -- since A) you already know why those gifts suck, and B) they can't be returned for anything. To be unfair to them, we'll be making fun of their poorly translated English pretty relentlessly. Though, to ask us not to make fun of that would be unfair. So it all evens out, really.
Diversity doesn't mean we shouldn't mock each other.
Let's assume that you got a DVD box set of a show or movie that you actually like, as opposed to the show that your mom mistook for the one you like because "I knew it took place in outer space, and I figured this must be the one because how many shows could afford to do that?"
So you've now got the complete set with hours and hours of extra material. Great, now what? You have to set aside some time to sit in front of your TV and watch a show that you've already seen, or the deleted scenes that -- surprise! -- were deleted for a reason. And don't forget the commentary track in which the director kisses the ass of whichever actor is currently in the room with him. Getting a DVD box set is like receiving a homework assignment that you're not going to get credit for.
All your favorite Bond movies! Right alongside all your least favorite Bond movies.
What Can I Get For This Piece of Shit?
Imagine if DVD box sets contained new, never before seen episodes of the show that were just as good, or better than the best episodes that ever aired on TV. Imagine if, for a year, every time The Simpsons had an episode that was really great, they decided not to air it on TV, and instead saved it for the DVD box set. That would be the best gift ever, right? Well, that's what we actually did. We went through and selected 20 of the best articles we've ever written on the site in case you missed them. (Though even if you didn't, they're now accompanied by illustrations from Nedroid, Winston Rowntree and Dr. McNinja, to name just a few.) Then we pulled 18 of the best articles that were turned in over the course of the year from our online rotation, and put them in the book so you'd have something new to read.
We had the writers assassinated, to protect their precious secrets.
Unlike the fat cats in DVD land, we know you're busy, so we don't ask you to set aside a Sunday to read the parts of articles that we cut out. We understand that only a select few of you would care to hear us talk about the process of making the articles you read to distract yourself at work. We made this book because we know what our audience wants: to read us on the crapper.
And all we are asking in return is that you exchange that $170 Family Guy box set that your mom got you instead of the The Simpsons one you asked for, and purchase 22 copies of our book.
It has more than four times the laugh-to-joke ratio of Family Guy.