6 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved In Minutes

#3. Saw

What Happened:

In one of this franchise's trademark ridiculously over-elaborate murder plots, the Jigsaw Killer shackles Cary Elwes to a pipe and makes him follow a series of clues to solve a bunch of puzzles so that he can win the ultimate prize of getting killed.

After all the pieces come together and the film hits its climax scene, Elwes's character, Lawrence, is faced with one final decision: cut off his foot with a hacksaw and then murder his cellmate or answer a cell phone.


What to do, what to do...

While we don't want to go into too many spoilers that aren't already obvious from the fact that the movie spawned six sequels, it is worth noting that on the other end of the ringing cell phone is his wife and daughter and the entire city's police force, who are waiting for him to answer so that they can bust in and save everybody.

If he answers the phone, everybody lives, Jigsaw goes to jail and Wesley gets to safely return home to his princess bride. The whole movie, nay, the entire never-ending facepalm that is the Saw franchise, hinges on this one scene. His decision...


Let's just say he'd make a poor podiatrist.

What Would Have Made More Sense:

There is one important element to this equation that we have yet to mention: how far away the cell phone is from Lawrence. Or should we say... how close it is.


This close.

While we admit we're not MacGyver, you don't need to be any kind of Gyver to think up creative ways to reach something lying only (ahem) one foot away if a body part depends on it. Consider the fact that, because they are chained to the sides of the room, the characters spend the entire movie trying to reach nearby objects through various improvised means.

In fact, one of the opening scenes involves Lawrence's Australian cellmate using his shirt and a bathtub stopper to shimmy over a tape recorder that lies much further away than that phone does now. In the pivotal scene, we nod in approval when Lawrence smartly begins to remove his own shirt... and then sigh heavily when he fashions it into a tourniquet instead of a phone lasso. Meanwhile, the phone keeps ringing.

Hell, we realize Lawrence isn't in the right state of mind. But surely, instead of screaming and crying in abject horror like the great actor he isn't, the cellmate could have lobbed one of the various shards of glass or broken tiles at his disposal just to nudge the damn phone closer to the other guy.

Of course, nothing beats the real kicker: After Lawrence cuts off his foot and frees himself, he still doesn't answer the fucking cell phone.


Ah well. The important thing is that Cary Elwes is working.

#2. The Twilight Saga: New Moon

What Happened:

In the second film of the series, archetypically emo 18-year-old Bella Swan breaks up with her Anne Rice fantasy boyfriend Edward, so he turns into a bat and flies away. With Edward, the money-maker, off-screen for much of the film, the producers overcompensate with half a dozen tanned, muscular werewolves who wax their bodies and wear their jeans low enough that you don't have to use so much of your imagination.


"Here's your movie, ladies."

However, once Edward mistakenly thinks that Bella committed suicide, he falls into a suicidal depression of his own. The whole plot of this film then surrounds Bella's frantic attempts to contact Edward and reveal that she is alive, so that he doesn't kill himself in turn. Just in case the homage isn't explicit enough, Bella is seen at one point being deeply engrossed in a copy of Romeo and Juliet.

What Would Have Made More Sense:

Shakespearean allusions aside, the threadbare scrunchie holding this whole goddamn movie together is the idea that Bella and Edward are unable to communicate with each other in the Information Age.

This gaping plot abyss could easily have been avoided had it been explained that there's some kind of ancient curse preventing vampires from using anything more technologically advanced than a wheelbarrow. We could suggest that, if not for the fact that Bella spends half the movie exchanging emails with Edward's sister.

The idea of Edward being led to believe that Bella killed herself when she didn't is a feat virtually impossible to pull off in the 21st century, never mind in the Twilight universe. For one, Edward is freaking telepathic. However, should Edward choose to check Bella's vitals the old fashioned way, here's an idea: Call her on her white Nokia 7360. Yes, a phone, like the one that was used to tell Edward about Bella's apparent suicide in the first place.


Apparently, even at this proximity it's not clear whether Bella died.

Unfortunately, this route has fewer bare-chested teenage boys. Unless, of course, Edward chose to Google them while checking up on Bella in Facebook chat.

#1. Return of the Jedi

What Happened:

After retrieving Han Solo from the clutches from the vile pimp Jabba the Hutt, the Rebels send Han on a ridiculous mission to go undercover and blow up the deflector shield on Endor that's protecting a second Death Star. He fails. Fortunately, the entire Rebellion is saved by Ewoks.


We can't in good faith blame the Emperor for not foreseeing this.

What Would Have Made More Sense:

Blowing up the Death Star is supposed to be trickier this time around, on account of the deflector shield guarding the station.

See that little circle on Endor where the energy shield comes from? That the radar dish of the Death Star's SLD-26 planetary shield generator, sticking out of the jungle like a gigantic robotic mushroom.

The second Death Star, and with it the entire Imperial leadership, are protected only by a single radar tower which, according to the movie and our own eyes, is a thousand feet tall and unprotected by air. Ultimately, the Rebels don't need Han, the Ewoks or possibly even the Force to blow up the second Death Star. They just need an air raid. Hey, it's a good thing that their military is made up almost entirely of spaceships with lasers on them!

You know, like the one that later brought down the Super Star Destroyer Executor after, you guessed it, shooting out its unprotected shield generators.


Total destruction time: 22 seconds.

This was a simple hit-and-run job made infinitely easier by the fact that the Emperor chose to park his whole goddamn navy on the "far side" of Endor as part of his brilliant trap that got him and everyone he knew killed. This meant no TIE fighters, Star Destroyers or even probe droids to stand between the Rebels and the Death Star. They could not have bribed their way into better conditions. Hell, the Battle of Endor could probably have happened off-screen.


"Heyyy... Guess what? The war ended while you were gone, and Leia is into incest!"

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For more movies that we've got beef with, check out 8 Classic Movies That Got Away With Gaping Plot Holes. And find out why this stuff keeps happening, in 5 Gaping Plot Holes Hollywood Knows You Won't Notice.

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