6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

#3. Motivational Meetings

Anyone who's ever attended a motivational meeting or team building exercise at work already knows they are pretty much bullshit. Instead of getting actual work done, you sit in a lifeless room listening to over-earnest speeches by whatever manager drew the short straw and playing ridiculous games, all in the name of positive thinking.

At the end of the day that's the real point of these sorry get-togethers: To think positive about your job, your co-workers, and yourself. No matter what life throws at you guys you can make it through as a team! Everything will come out fine, if you just work hard enough!

There's only one small problem: In the end, somebody trying to force you into positive thinking will actually make you more depressed, and depending on the temperament of the person it can actually make them more likely to commit suicide.

Mainly, because you can tell it's bullshit. Think about when you were a kid, when you would draw some scribbles and your Mom would declare it high art and stick it on the refrigerator. At some point in your life you noticed they were being too positive in their praise, and realized that all of their compliments up to that point were just patronizing garbage. That actually makes you feel worse than if they were just honest from the get-go.

And that continues through adulthood. They have done studies showing that fake positivity is worse for your mental health than genuine negativity.

It's not that it's better to mope around declaring that life sucks. Even if that were healthy, eventually your co-workers will beat the shit out of you. But when life experience tells you that things turn out badly lots of the time, it's really annoying when somebody tries to force you to be positive against your will. Annoying to the point that it may make you want to die.

#2. Boredom

Do you find your job boring? If you're at work right now there is really no need to answer that hypothetical question because you're reading a 2000 word Cracked article (thanks, by the way). While it might seem nice to have a pretty stressless job it turns out there are a variety of ways in which that boredom will kill you.

These guys aren't napping.

If you have a relatively stress-free job your heart rate is more likely to remain constant throughout the day. That might sound like a good thing but it means that when you heart is called on to actually work harder, say while exercising, it won't be able to do its job as well and puts you at a much higher risk of a heart attack.

Enjoying your cushy job? This scenario could kill you.

You want a heart rate that varies over the course of your day. Like if every couple of hours they let a few badgers just run loose.

Why our medical licenses were revoked.

By the way, boredom also means you're at higher risk of workplace accidents. When you're bored your brain goes into a sort of "screensaver mode." It takes longer to react to problems, like, say, a pot of coffee falling in your lap and boiling your junk.

#1. Sitting

Almost all office jobs involve a lot of sitting down. And that fact is going to lead to your early death.

Now, we've all been warned of the dangers of sitting and typing incorrectly; bad posture can lead to back pain and headaches, incorrect typing to carpal tunnel. And if you're a giant nerd you actually care about that stuff and buy ergonomic-everything. But it's the very act of sitting that is the worst for your body.

It doesn't matter if you spend a lot of time at the gym. If you sit the rest of the day you are still at a higher risk of heart disease and cancer than someone who stands on the job. In fact, on average you are less healthy than that guy even if he doesn't work out.

Sitting is one of the most passive things you can do; it burns very few calories. So for around eight hours a day (more if you sit in front of the TV or computer when you get home) you are putting no strain on your body whatsoever. This prolonged lack of activity plays havoc on your body and causes you to gain weight far faster than someone whose job is even a little bit active.

According to studies, people who sit at their jobs have increased blood pressure and blood sugar, purely from the act of sitting. Your muscles also produce a variety of substances that help metabolize fat and cholesterol. Unfortunately, they only do this when they are being used, and the number of muscles you are actively using when slouched at a desk are minimal.

There is basically nothing good to say about a life spent sitting, which is why you can buy stand-up desks now. Or even...

No. Just no.

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