6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Would you believe us if we told you it's the office itself that's making you sick? Because that's what the scientists are saying. And if science says it, it must be true.
6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Statistically, most of you either work in an office, or will at some point. Hell, most of you are probably in an office right now.

So how are you feeling today? A little run-down maybe? Feel a headache coming on? Maybe a little congested? Would you believe us if we told you it's the office itself that's making you sick?

Because that's what the scientists are saying. You can thank...

Sick Buildings

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

We're not even going to discuss how encrusted with germs your keyboard and desk phone are (we already wrote an entire separate article on that). But don't worry, that's just the beginning.

They call it Sick Building Syndrome--that's even what the EPA calls it. The thing is, once upon a time office buildings were built to let in a certain amount of fresh air. Since, you know, it's widely thought that air is something you need to live.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

But then the 1970s hit and suddenly energy conservation was all the rage. That's why the windows in your office probably don't open, and why every crack and gap is sealed so tight you could probably set the building on the ocean floor and everybody would stay dry. The result is buildings that are great about keeping their temperature stable, but horrible at recycling air. They inhale pollutants via the air conditioning systems, but don't let them back out--to the point that the air inside that building can be up to 100 times dirtier than what you breathe outside.

If you're wondering how OSHA and other agencies let this go on, it's because all of their rules were written for shops that work with dangerous, smelly chemicals, rather than offices. There are no real standards to protect the cubicle-dwellers. As a result, for years office workers were coming down with strange symptoms no one could pin down to any actual illness. In 1984 no less than the freaking World Health Organization determined that at least 30 percent of buildings in the world were subject to "excessive complaints" about air quality. What kind of complaints?

Look up. See that ventilation duct? That most likely ends up over your parking lot. The lot that a whole bunch of cars drove into this morning. Now all that lovely, poisonous carbon monoxide they produced is slowly making its way into your lungs.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Is the building you work in more than 10 years old? Then the chances are there is black mold somewhere in the place, especially if you live in a very wet or humid area. Black mold releases Volatile Organic Chemicals which are toxic to humans. Thousands of people suffer from black mold poisoning every year. Symptoms range from coughing to memory loss to infertility. Again, if you find it in your house, you can scrub it with Pine-Sol and open up a window. If it's growing within the walls of your air-tight office? Good luck.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Of course, even if they clean up the mold, you still have to contend with...

Gadget Pollution

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Did you ever notice that funny smell that comes from the photocopier? That's ozone and the EPA warns that even inhaling small amounts can lead to "chest pain, coughing, shortness of breath and throat irritation." Don't worry though, because the manufactures know this and your ancient photocopier was built with a filter to deal with the ozone it produces and... when was the last time someone changed that filter? Because they deteriorate over time and become useless. So all that deadly ozone is slowly filling up the copy room.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

They are coming for you.

Your laser printer is no better. It emits ozone as well, but more importantly most laser printers give off tiny particles of toner. And just because they are tiny doesn't mean there aren't dangerous. Their size means they can make their way into the deepest parts of the lungs and can even enter the blood stream, possibly increasing your chances of cancer and heart disease.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

The air you are breathing right now is seriously inundated with toner. A study found that one office had five times as many particles in the air during work hours as opposed to off hours.

So how bad is it, really? Well, at best it's like smoking a few cigarettes. Yes, that's the best case scenario. The worst case: You might as well be working in a coal mine. Excessive exposure to toner dust from printers and copiers can lead to siderosilicosis, a lung disease commonly found in miners.


"Can you have that report done after lunch?"


6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Have you ever walked into your office (or a shopping mall) and blinked because it was actually brighter in there than outside in the sunlight? That's due to an incredibly common problem called "over-illumination." That's basically any time artificial light is brighter than it needs to be to do a given task. And if your task is sitting at a computer all day, the chances are you don't need your surroundings to be brighter than your computer screen or, say, the surface of the sun.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Another lovely day at the office.

We assume you don't sit at home with your laptop under a police spotlight so why do you need to feel like that at work? The answer is you don't, and moreover the over-illumination is making you feel like shit.

If you come home from work most days with a headache it might not be due to the stench of microwave popcorn and the lite rock on the muzak. It might simply come down to the lighting. Almost all office buildings built before the mid-1990s are designed to be too bright, possibly because architects wanted to make sure people could really see the exquisite detail on your piano key necktie.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

The use of florescent lights and/or over-illumination can cause health concerns including headache, fatigue, stress, anxiety, cardiovascular disease and, wait for it, erectile dysfunction.

That's right, not only could those annoying lights that eventually start blinking and buzzing yet maintenance never fucking changes them no matter how many times you ask give you a heart attack, but they could also affect your performance in bed. Which will in turn add to your stress level making it a vicious, deadly cycle.

Apparently this happens because our bodies are designed to respond to sunlight. Anything brighter than that our bodies don't really understand so for some reason they decide to react as if we're in total darkness. This in turn messes up our natural sleep cycle, leading to a myriad of health problems. All because of some stupid light bulbs.

Motivational Meetings

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Anyone who's ever attended a motivational meeting or team building exercise at work already knows they are pretty much bullshit. Instead of getting actual work done, you sit in a lifeless room listening to over-earnest speeches by whatever manager drew the short straw and playing ridiculous games, all in the name of positive thinking.

At the end of the day that's the real point of these sorry get-togethers: To think positive about your job, your co-workers, and yourself. No matter what life throws at you guys you can make it through as a team! Everything will come out fine, if you just work hard enough!

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

There's only one small problem: In the end, somebody trying to force you into positive thinking will actually make you more depressed, and depending on the temperament of the person it can actually make them more likely to commit suicide.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Mainly, because you can tell it's bullshit. Think about when you were a kid, when you would draw some scribbles and your Mom would declare it high art and stick it on the refrigerator. At some point in your life you noticed they were being too positive in their praise, and realized that all of their compliments up to that point were just patronizing garbage. That actually makes you feel worse than if they were just honest from the get-go.

And that continues through adulthood. They have done studies showing that fake positivity is worse for your mental health than genuine negativity.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

It's not that it's better to mope around declaring that life sucks. Even if that were healthy, eventually your co-workers will beat the shit out of you. But when life experience tells you that things turn out badly lots of the time, it's really annoying when somebody tries to force you to be positive against your will. Annoying to the point that it may make you want to die.


6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Do you find your job boring? If you're at work right now there is really no need to answer that hypothetical question because you're reading a 2000 word Cracked article (thanks, by the way). While it might seem nice to have a pretty stressless job it turns out there are a variety of ways in which that boredom will kill you.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

These guys aren't napping.

If you have a relatively stress-free job your heart rate is more likely to remain constant throughout the day. That might sound like a good thing but it means that when you heart is called on to actually work harder, say while exercising, it won't be able to do its job as well and puts you at a much higher risk of a heart attack.


Enjoying your cushy job? This scenario could kill you.

You want a heart rate that varies over the course of your day. Like if every couple of hours they let a few badgers just run loose.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Why our medical licenses were revoked.

By the way, boredom also means you're at higher risk of workplace accidents. When you're bored your brain goes into a sort of "screensaver mode." It takes longer to react to problems, like, say, a pot of coffee falling in your lap and boiling your junk.


6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Almost all office jobs involve a lot of sitting down. And that fact is going to lead to your early death.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Now, we've all been warned of the dangers of sitting and typing incorrectly; bad posture can lead to back pain and headaches, incorrect typing to carpal tunnel. And if you're a giant nerd you actually care about that stuff and buy ergonomic-everything. But it's the very act of sitting that is the worst for your body.

It doesn't matter if you spend a lot of time at the gym. If you sit the rest of the day you are still at a higher risk of heart disease and cancer than someone who stands on the job. In fact, on average you are less healthy than that guy even if he doesn't work out.

6 Ways Your Office Is Literally Killing You

Sitting is one of the most passive things you can do; it burns very few calories. So for around eight hours a day (more if you sit in front of the TV or computer when you get home) you are putting no strain on your body whatsoever. This prolonged lack of activity plays havoc on your body and causes you to gain weight far faster than someone whose job is even a little bit active.

According to studies, people who sit at their jobs have increased blood pressure and blood sugar, purely from the act of sitting. Your muscles also produce a variety of substances that help metabolize fat and cholesterol. Unfortunately, they only do this when they are being used, and the number of muscles you are actively using when slouched at a desk are minimal.

There is basically nothing good to say about a life spent sitting, which is why you can buy stand-up desks now. Or even...


No. Just no.

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