So you have an important cause you want to raise money for, or at least it's important to you. But people are slow to part with their hard-earned cash. How do you go about the careful process of trying to get them to take dough out of their pocket and stuff it into yours?
Well it turns out it's difficult, especially if you're a prick.
8The 9/11 Dove Shoot
Every fundraiser needs a hook. You can't just say you want to raise money for syphilis research and offer people the chance to touch your syphilitic wang for $5. You'll barely make $100 that way. You need something that will make people say, "Fuck yeah I want to do that, and it's for a good cause!"
And what better way to raise money for a Republican Superintendent of Education than by shooting doves, the symbol of peace? Well, there is one better way; do it on September 11.
It's possible the entire event was some manner of incredibly Swiftian satire, but the Republican party was never really known for being quite so intentionally hilarious (even though this was just a few months after Dick Cheney shot some poor bastard on his own hunting trip). Maybe it's the fact that Karen Floyd was a candidate in South Carolina and things just work a little differently down there.
The blue areas represent crazy.
It's probably saddest for the doves, of course, who have no idea that they've been made a symbol of peace at all, and even if they did, would have real difficulty grasping why, as a symbol of peace, they need to be shot at to raise money for hawkish politicians wanting to stick it to the anti-war movement. We don't expect you to understand the intricacies of American politics, little dove.