The 5 Circles of Baffling Web Comic Hell

The Insane Political Commentator

The next level down from the religious comics, and with quite a bit of overlap between the realms, we find the somehow equally insane political comics. Behold:

#5. Diversity Lane:

Above you can see that this comic by Zack Rawsthorne is either about a little girl, or a very old lady, who is upset that we are losing America. So this comic is a modern day Family Ties and Diversity Lane (the name of the girl up there) is like a new Alex P. Keaton?

"Hey, what is this, Cracked? Are you saying people are crazy just for being conservative?" Well... depends on whether or not you think that while Michael Jackson's funeral was going on, America was simultaneously invaded by North Korea's navy, Iran's army and Russia's feared zeppelin fleet.

We get that those are symbols, but Diversity Lane's symbolism is what sends it crashing through the guardrails of Political Hack Bridge and splashing down into the rushing waters of Batshit River. Try to puzzle through this one:

The family is miniature golfing, a 20 foot-long anaconda curls out of the cardboard building that represents Korea, and we're supposed to laugh at the parents for suggesting that their little girl not fight the fucking snake? Guys, we don't care who you voted for in the last election; if you see a giant fucking serpent at the miniature golf course, alert the management. Do not have your children fight it with a golf club.

Then you have this one, where Diversity talks about how Mexico is sending "monster-criminals" and "floating pig-diseases" to destroy America:

Hell, that could easily be a liberal comic, mocking the overblown fears of the right. It's not.

But while Diversity Lane is indecipherable, it doesn't come close to the shrieking hall of mirrors that is...

#4. Hal Lindsey's Oracle Cartoons:

I have to thank Comedy Central's Indecision blog for introducing me to Hal Lindsey's work. So, thank you. And go to Hell.

As with the above, some of Hal's stuff is coherent enough to establish that he's pretty far on the right:

Obviously we can't go trusting a man who is "unashamedly black" (as the binding on one of his secret books says). Any good minority should admit what a shameful thing that is before attempting to run for office, and apologize in advance. But that's about as sane as the man's work gets:

There's no caption for the above comic. We didn't crop some crucial context. That's the whole thing. Transvestite Boy Scout leader. Elderly ACLU Fairy. Atheist gorilla, wearing a tie, ringing a bell to raise money for the Salvation Army at Christmas. Vote Republican.

What is so awesome about these is that it takes two people to make them (the artist is John Rule). I would pay a lot of money to sit in on their brainstorming sessions, the two men perfectly in tune with the message they're trying to convey.

"So I want a typical American family, at home. In fact, let's label their home "America." And Fear comes calling. Make it look scary, you know, in a black robe with 'FEAR' on its back in all caps. And Fear is bringing with it suitcases labeled 'Russia' and 'Iraq'-"

"-and Japan, Ireland and the U.K. Sure, sure."

"Also make sure the American family has the stars and stripes-"

"-instead of a curtain. Yeah, this isn't my first political comic, chief."

"You know, we really should do one on this whole Global Warming thing..."

"Way ahead of you, Hal. Got one right here."

"Great, that's pretty much exactly what I had in mind."

"Sure, sure. I mean, there's only so many ways to approach the subject, right?"

By the way, you may want to delete these off your computer. You know what'll happen when the liberals catch you reading them:

Though after they put you in jail for reading them, they apparently let you keep reading them as part of your rehabilitation.

OK, we have two levels to go, and we're getting down to dark realms where the howls of the damned can be heard. To take in what you're about to see, you'll need an open mind. A mind so open, in fact, that hobos have taken to squatting inside it, and smoking meth.

I offer you this last chance to turn away.

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