Fun Size Countries: The Insane Histories of the World's 6 Tiniest Nations

Sark

Location:
It's a group of small islands in the English Channel, about three miles long and a half-mile wide.

Population:
600ish, give or take.

Official site:
Sark.gov

The country:
Imagine one day that your dog returns home with a cat on a leash, and the cat has a little mouse on a leash too. Let's all imagine that, because it's really, really cute when you think about it. Oh, before we forget, Sark is the mouse. Sark is a dependency of the Bailiwick of Guernsey (another place you know nothing about), which in turn is a dependency of England (which you might have heard of), which in turn is part of the United Kingdom (you might know it as UK), even though Guernsey and Sark are not part of the UK and we have no clue how that works.

Sark has been many things since the 13th century: a haven for pirates, a monastic community, and then a haven for pirates again. Now that we think about it, that's not many things. Anyway, Queen Elizabeth I, tired of pirates, allowed 40 families to move onto the islands on the condition that they would stab any idiot in the balls who uttered "YARRRR!" even if he was just doing it ironically.

Sark and the rest of Guernsey did not do very well in WWII, when the Germans took over the whole place. Although, the ruler of Sark at the time demanded the Germans to sign in as visitors and they did. But, the people of Sark showed their bravery in 1991 when the French attacked them. And by "the French" we mean unemployed French nuclear physicist Andre Gardes, who tried to take over the island by himself with an automatic weapon. The invasion ended when the local constable approached him and asked him how his awesome gun worked. Andre began to show him and that's when the fire brigade jumped from behind (source: Wikipedia).

Fun Fact:
Sark is one of the last feudal countries in Europe, and some of its laws seem to come from the medieval guide to complete nuttery. For instance: only the Seigneur of Sark is allowed to keep pigeons or an unspayed bitch, newcomers to the island cannot live in houses built before 1976 and divorce is illegal. Although, there have been some advances. The people no longer need the seigneur's permission to get married, the annual payment of a live chicken to the seigneur is now optional yet still delicious, and women can inherit land since 1999.


Michael Beaumont, the Seigneur of Sark. Not pictured: unspayed bitch.

The Aerican Empire

Location:
Here, there and everywhere. The Aerican Empire claims the following territories:

*A house in Montreal that doubles as the empire's capital and embassy to the rest of the world.
*A square kilometer of Australia called Chompsville and an adjacent territory called Psyche.
*An island in New Zealand called Retsaot.
*One square mile of the surface of planet Mars.
*The northern half of ex-planet Pluto.
*A cow pasture in the American Midwest that's location nobody seems quite sure of.
*The planet Verden, which doesn't exist.

Population:
Around 120 citizens.

Official site:
AericanEmpire.com

The country:
You may think this entire empire is just a joke or started as one, and that's because you did not kill your brain by drinking lead paint when you were a baby (congratulations, by the way). The empire was founded in 1987 by the current Emperor, Eric Lis, and some of his pals who were all five-years-old at the time. In its humble, intergalactic beginnings the empire was just a joke between friends but, in our globalized, internet-connected world, crazy people inspire other people and that's how thing like the furries and bukkake got rolling. An older Emperor Eric learned about micronations like Sealand and Christiania and said "Hey! I can do that too, and without leaving home or getting my own land!" One website later, citizens began to join the made up interplanetary empire.


Emperor Eric Lis, who couldn't find a friend who had a camera with a flash.

Fun Fact:
The national religion is Silinism, the worship of the Great Penguin, where humor is considered sacred. And may the Great Penguin help us, it actually has serious practitioners.

The Republic of Molossia

Location:
Somewhere around Dayton, Nevada. It also has a colony in Southern California and a protectorate in the north east of the US, about 14 acres total.

Population:
Four.

Official site:
Molossia.org

The country:
According to them, they are a nation as recognized in the Montevideo convention. According to the state of Nevada, "No, no you're not."

Molossia began as the Grand Republic of Vuldstein, back in 1977. James Spielman was crowned King and Kevin Baugh was declared Prime Minister. Back then Molossia didn't have any territory or much to do so the King got bored and probably decided to go for saner hobbies than starting his own nation. Prime Minister Baugh, on the other hand, carried on. In 1998 land was purchased in Nevada and finally Molossia had some territory to call its own. Kevin Baugh then declared himself dictator and rules over his family with an iron fist; so he is like your dad, but with a fancy uniform.


President Kevin Baugh and his fancy uniform

Molossia has its own online store. We have no clue if the Authentic Molossian Pedigreed Pet Rocks are their biggest seller, but if they are, they should be ashamed of themselves. You can also purchase Molossian money, called Valora, which is linked in value to Pillsbury cookie dough. The coins look like repainted poker chips, so if you want to waste your money, Molossia is the place!

The Molossian homepage has a very detailed account of the mock war they had with the neighbor micronation of Mustachistan, but intentionally stupid wars are no fun, so we are going to talk about the Dead Dog War.

In 1999, some people, unaware of what they were getting into, buried their dead dog in Molossian territory. Baugh quickly mobilized his army (his thirteen-year-old son), who annoyed the intruders until they removed their dead dog and buried it elsewhere. And they should consider themselves lucky. If they had tried to give the dog a Viking funeral near Sealand, Roy would have mobilized General Pain and Major Trouble, which is what he calls his fists, right into their faces and buried the dog, Viking ship and all, up their asses, because that's how Roy rolls.

Fun Fact:
Molossia has a space program, and by that we mean they have a store-bought telescope and some toy rockets with a camera attached to them. We have to admit that looks like fun.

To laugh at crazy people from real foreign countries, check out this video round-up of The 10 Most Insane Moments from the European Version of American Idol or, check out the most disturbing video yet to appear on the Daily Nooner. Not surprisingly, it's from Japan.

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