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The 10 Most Insane Moments from the European Version of 'American Idol'

By Dustin Glick, Jason Newman June 5, 2007 99,628 views
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Ah, Eurovision. Is there a more ridiculous display of unintentional hilarity in the world? It's doubtful.

In case you don't know what Eurovision is, imagine a competition like American Idol in which each European nation picks an artist to represent it, but instead of kids doing cover songs, it's professional bands doing original songs. Also, the songs are mind-numbingly awful.

Of course, it's not all funny. Just 98 percent of it is. That's why it wasn't easy to compile this list of the 10 funniest performances of the 2007 Eurovision finals.

#10
Ireland - "They Can't Stop the Spring"

Ireland came in last place in this year's Eurovision, and... well, it's pretty easy to see why. You've got a warbling lead singer who can't even sway (not to mention sing), a walking cliché of a band straight out of the Ireland pavilion at Epcot Center, and a song that's not even worthy of the end credits in Lord of the Rings.

Plus, aren't Irish songs all about hoisting a pint and waving it left and right? "They Can't Stop the Spring" sounds like a lyric stolen from a failed C+C Music Factory song.

#9
Romania - "Liubi, Liubi, I Love You"

Romania's entry is a potent reminder of why you should never watch children's television while tweaked out of your mind on acid. Several weird-looking dudes sing "I love you" in different, possibly make-believe languages while a bald jester guy stands off to the side pondering, a Gregory Hines look-alike does some sort of awkward hip-hop thing, and a chef/mime walks around aimlessly. Faster and faster, suckier and suckier, it's like some awful hallucination scene from a Hunter S. Thompson novel.

#8
Sweden - "The Worrying Kind"

Whoa, that intro does not prepare the audience for what's to come, does it? Everything starts off promisingly enough, with pyrotechnics and what sounds vaguely like rock, but then things quickly devolve into some sort of glam boogie-woogie nightmare that would make Freddie Mercury and Elton John blush.

And does the lead singer really need to take his shirt off to reveal his weird metal chestpatch? It's like he's wearing the opposite of Janet Jackson's nip-slip Super Bowl outfit. And how about those lyrics: "Words, I like to break 'em / Words, I like to shake 'em." Sweden: stick to death metal.

#7
Slovenia - "Flower of the South"

We're almost positive this song was in Castlevania; although this must be the techno remix. These misguided Slovenians probably chose a Nintendo song since the country is 20 years behind the rest of the world-it's probably new to them. What else would explain the ghetto surprise special effects: Christmas lights strapped to the lead singer's hand? At least she was able to work the extension cord into her outfit.

#6
Serbia - "Molitva"

So here's the Serbs' winner. Yep, out of all the entries, this was supposedly the "best" one. Let's put aside the fact that the Death Cab for Cutie guy was called in as a ringer and focus on the important stuff, like what exactly are the backup transvestite pageant winners doing for the first two minutes? Apparently in Serbia, sulking and awkward touching are considered "choreography."

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66 Comments

I am going to admit something rather personal... I slept with the vocalist of #8... he's hung like a goddamn horse. I am not proud of this... but I'd do it again.

11/21/2009 8:24:22 PM
Madeira

Videos? What Videos?

Seriously Cracked, stop it.


BTW, the flying the flag thing is a national sore spot - we can't believe we let them represent us. Thanks for opening up that old wound again. And rubbing salt into it.

11/5/2009 2:48:27 AM
DHeadshot

ok, everyone, i'm so sick of this: cracked links to youtube cuz, well, it's the main place to locate this stuff. yes, the videos are removed, so open a new browser tab, go to youtube.com, and search "Eurovision 2007 *country name*" and you'll find all of them. rather than yelling at cracked for videos being removed (because, duh, it is a copyright violation, technically) just go find them yourself! i've seen people whine on every article where videos were removed and yet i've almost always been able to track down the missing videos in a matter of minutes.

8/11/2009 4:11:00 AM
Conformist138

I'd just like to point out that eurovision is not the equivilent of american idol. We have (at least in sweden where I live) a show that is called "idol" that is just that. Eurovision song contest is completely different, the only common thing is that it's a competition in music.

7/16/2009 2:33:47 PM
grollo

Most of these were performances done on a single contest a couple of years ago dudes!!!
Iy you want to really find out an insane -or plain stupid- moment check the spanish song 'El chiqui-chiqui'.
P.S. I'm not responsible if you break your own computer's screen with your fist in the middle of it

5/11/2009 6:27:05 AM
fdurden35

f*****g Gay, they're all removed.

3/22/2009 11:07:19 PM
NeoValour

Which kind of ruins the whole point of this article. What I'd like to know is, why were they removed?

3/22/2009 4:23:16 PM
MA-125

Every single video on this page has been removed.

3/22/2009 12:20:52 PM
mGolos

The American Idol comparison was clearly intended as a joke.

3/5/2009 8:27:36 PM
acidballroom

Usually I love your lists, but this one shows how out of touch the USA is with the rest of the world.
Eurovision is much older than American Idol and was created to support peace in Europe.
Although now it is a mockery, the songs aren't very good and it's pretty much split in the eastern-europe mafia and the western-europe mafia.
Also, you missed some really weird songs there. What about that Irish turkey? I was sure he would make the list. Or Silvia Night, who was booed of stage because people didn't realize it was a joke.

7/13/2008 3:00:11 PM
tunfiskur

I know this has been said 100 times, but it's worth reiterating that eurovision is in no way the european version of American Idol. American Idol is the american version of Pop Idol. Eurovision is a contest where for the most part the WHOLE POINT is that from start to finish it's made up of really really bad entries. It's supposed to be funny. The entries are generally spectacular in widely varying ways. Also, Terry Wogan (the british commentator for it) is awesome.

4/28/2008 3:27:24 AM
Haridan

Eurovision has been around for over 50 years, doesn't it make more sense to say that American Idol is the American version of Eurovision. I thought at first this was a collection of bad entries in the many European idols, like the Bulgarian Ken Lee.

4/28/2008 1:50:02 AM
gesturpa

none of the videos are available.

3/9/2008 7:57:16 AM
erk

haha yeh euro vision...every year our commentator (same one)on eurovision just seems more suicidal everytime he has to do it. i just plain cant watch it.

3/5/2008 8:11:23 AM
sam uk

Anon before you post s**t watch the video. The show happend in Helsinki, and the singer said those exact words. The writer did not imply that Helsinki was in Switzerland.

Tool

3/1/2008 4:31:56 PM
Kris

>>Vampires Are Alive in Helsinki

WTF Switzerland? Helsinki is in Finland, you ignorant colonist!

3/1/2008 1:04:28 AM
Anon

shut up. eurovision kicks american ass

2/27/2008 11:05:50 AM
sviii

to be fair nobody actually takes the eurovision seriously, which is why we have the innuendo filled flying the flag for you, however this isn't the European Version of American Idol, and considering American Idol is based on a British show Pop Idol i'd be careful saying that

2/26/2008 1:48:43 PM
Nufc1989

Z.U. made a very good comment. it's like they are egyptian with all the gold and clown esque floppy pants with 70's converse shoes, or alligator skinned with a pointy toe. i mean honestly, i'm a hiphop producer (i'm not lying. what would be the point?) and i could still say we look really whacky. just look at yourselves. at least things are starting to change for the better, i.e. the whole mafia look thing. at least it's classy. (for a very classless type of music)

2/26/2008 12:36:54 PM
gemineye870530

Dito to what NIN said. It's not like some Swed is going to visit Georgia so he can know what he's talking about when he blatantly insults right-leaning Americans (not that I'm one, I just don't like double standards in bigotry).

2/26/2008 11:29:00 AM
HumDrum

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