Gossip You Missed While Drinking Off That Hangover

Two Guidos Named Joe
Joey Buttafuoco, the Long Island goomba best known for his vast collection of parachute pants, will be reuniting with his ex-wife Mary Jo-and Amy Fisher, the ex-lover who allegedly shot MJ in the head upon his request-for a TV special. Though no network has jumped to air it yet, we're sure Fox is only looking for a way to get them onto an ice rink…

…Meanwhile, plucky little 62-year-old actor Joe Pesci reportedly punched a 24-year-old fan in the mouth for taking his picture. After the Casino star repeatedly turned down requests for a photo op in a Florida parking lot, college student Juan Carlos Montenegro began snapping pics anyway. The diminutive not-so-goodfella became annoyed and snapped, "You shouldn't have been interrupting my business," before punching Montenegro in the upper lip. Lesson learned: don't mess with cousin Vinny.

Baby Brangelina Watch
Though we haven't checked in on odds with our bookie Jimmy Vegas, we're already starting to think about betting pools based on the Golden Child's sex. Life & Style magazine is reporting that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will have a baby girl in May, while Us Weekly states that the Messiah will be born a boy. Forget the Super Bowl, this is where the real action is.

Jesus Talks
Did anyone say God Complex? Everyone's favorite humble rapper, Kanye West, not only sings about Jesus Christ-he dressed up like him for the new issue of Rolling Stone. We can't wait to read about West's favorite topic: HIMSELF. No word yet on whether Mel Gibson has tapped the Chicago native for this Passion of the Christ 2: Electric Crown sequel.

Burning Down the House
Mr. Spears, Kevin Federline, is rapidly turning into a parody of himself. The aspiring rap star premiered his new track "PopoZao" to MTV and seems to be his own biggest fan. Maybe he should start hanging out with Kanye.

TV Party
Even though ABC spent more money on ads for Heather Graham's new show than it would take to buy anti-malaria pills for an entire village in Africa, Emily's Reasons Why Not was cancelled after only airing one episode. Other shows to bite the bullet this week were The West Wing, Malcolm in the Middle and That 70s Show, presumably because the cast of the latter are actually IN their 70s and had to replace their platform shoes with Wallabees.

Everyone Hates the Gilmore Girls
Talk about a new birth where no one hopes the recessive genes come through: UPN and the WB networks will unite to form a new television network, CW, by 2007.Their parent companies, CBS and Warner Bros., will have a 50/50 stake in the deal that aims to reach a younger, more hip audience. Does this mean that Reba will have a whole new set of Girlfriends? Maybe Veronica Mars will be solving crimes alongside a young Superman on Smallville.

Dust"¦
Actor Chris Penn, 40-year-old brother of Sean Penn, was found dead in his Santa Monica home on January 25. Though he was best known for his role as Nice Guy Eddie in Reservoir Dogs, he'll always be Willard from Footloose to us.

"¦to Angel Dust
Glam rock band Mötley Crüe received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Wednesday. Fittingly, their star is adjacent to the Erotica Museum of Los Angeles and Frederick's of Hollywood. No word as to whether Tommy Lee has tried to hump it yet.

"¦to Disco Dust
Model Kate Moss signed a million-dollar book deal to publish a memoir for Virgin Books elaborating on her controversial year. We're already starting to develop a drinking/snorting game based on the tome.

Welcome to the Promised Land
In a stunning revelation that finally proves that prayer works, 26-year-old actress Jennifer Love Hewitt is rumored to be ironing out a deal to let us see her glorious breasts in the pages of Playboy. If taking the day that issue drops off from work to "familiarize" ourselves with it is wrong, then we don't want to be right.