5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do

#1. Computers Can Talk to Goddamned UFOs

Worst Offender: Independence Day

What Happened:
The Earth is under attack by a race of vastly advanced aliens, so Jeff Goldblum creates a virus from his PowerBook that disables the entire apparently Macintosh-compatible fleet of ships.

Why It's Ridiculous:
This is difficult to wrap our minds around. The aliens in Independence Day were not only thousands of years ahead of us technologically, but also were an entirely different species. Therefore, Goldblum's feat was the equivalent of colony of baboons in the Congo hacking into CitiBank using tree bark and clumps of their own feces.

Yes, we know it's just a big, fun sci-fi rollercoaster ride. Yes, we're willing to turn our brains off-they're in that state through most of our workweek anyway. But meet us half way, Hollywood. Write it so that, say, the guys at Area 51 had taken one of the alien's computers off the Roswell ship and reverse-engineered it over the decades. Or, something. Work with us, here.

But of course, there is exactly one reason why the aliens were defeated by a PowerBook in Independence Day: because Apple paid for it as part of the product placement. Yes, my friends, the entire plot culminated in an advertisement, and one you paid to see.

In real life�
That new Mac operating system that's coming out? Goldblum' PowerBook 5300 had about one-tenth the memory needed to run it. So, forget uplinking to an alien freaking starship; if he simply tried to run a piece of software from the same damned manufacturer from just 10 years in the future, the result would look something like this:

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