Want to jazz up your boring sex life? If you're tired of using the same old staples of sex foods like I am, and the thought of licking chocolate syrup and whip cream off another pair of aching, turgid nipples makes you go limp, then maybe it's time to try something new. Here are some often overlooked sex foods that will help put the um back in hump.
This is possibly the only vegetable that has the actual outline of an erect penis with balls. If your maturity level hasn't graduated 6th grade, and mine most certainly hasn't, then your first encounter with this vegetable will have been holding it in by your crotch in a grocery store, garnering the scorn of your disappointed mother/girlfriend/cub scout leader. Get a video camera and turn that scorn into porn.
Nothing says erotic quite like having your face pushed into a big pile of iceberg lettuce. The sexual desire invoked by iceberg lettuce comes from its versatility in the bedroom.
You can build sexual tension by tossing a few sprigs of lettuce at your partner's genitalia, saying something romantic like "yeah, you like that salad tossed, don't you baby?" Then proceed to toss that salad, if you know what I mean.1
1Oral stimulation of the anus.