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Please find below an itemized account of Temporary Boyfriend services rendered, and expected payment. I have totaled at the bottom not only for your convenience, but also because you're a total fucking idiot:
| Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Sangria, and whatever else you needed to cry in.) |
$300.00 |
| Food (You seemed to crave everything, except for my cock.) |
$500.00 |
| Movies (The pieces-of-shit you'd drag me to.) |
$150.00 |
Your Birthday (That happened to fall in the seven week dating window, which sucked.) |
$200.00 |
| Valentine's Day (That happened to also fall in the seven week dating window, which really fucking sucked.) |
$150.00 |
| Morning-After Pill (Not my fault the condom broke. Was rough in there.) |
$80.00 |
| Listening to your stupid-ass stories (Time is money.) |
$500.00 |
| iTunes songs I bought for you (Your taste in music made me sick.) |
$75.00 |
| Vomit clean-up (Because your taste in music made me sick. Literally.) |
$50.00 |
| Shoulder to cry on (You still took him back. Are you fucking nuts?) |
$5,000.00 |
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$2,500,000 |
Please remit payment upon receipt of this invoice. Do not attempt to claim non-receipt, as surveillance equipment will confirm otherwise. I would sign off "Yours truly," however I'm clearly not truly yours. Bitch.
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wow. what a lucky find i just so happened to have a situation almost exactly like this...thank you *sniffle*
Replywow. what a lucky find i just so happened to have a situation almost exactly like this...thank you *sniffle*
ReplyI'm gonna send this to my boyfriend XD
ReplyHmm... interesting that her birthday and Valentine's Day happened to fall within that same 7-week period. I smell a conspiracy here...
ReplyAh, so this is how psycho ex-boyfriends tally up their "entitlement". Awesome.
ReplyWe've all wanted to be reimbursed for relationships (I once had a guy bleed me dry for three years and several thousand dollars and finally kicked him out when he tried to kill me. He tried to pull something similar to this, saying I "owed" him. I think he's in jail now). Writing up an actual receipt from a (clearly) psychotic boy is hilarious ("not my fault the condom broke"- what a douche!, "surveillance equipment"- classic stalker). The sad thing is, I've heard actual non-psycho males have similar (but not as douchey) reactions- my best male friend broke up with his girlfriend, who, unrelated to this, eventually ended up with an old ex. And he reacted as if this was some sort of attack against him (sometimes people just move on with their lives. Get over it. And quit stalking them!)
Oh. My. God. Shut the f**k up. This is clearly the reason you have men wanting to kill you. For the love of god, it would be a civil service.
Invoice total should be: $7,005
Replythats why you reuire her to pay her own way.
Replythat way all you lose is a little time and effort.
someone here said that just cuz they hung out and had sex doesn't constitute a relationship. if he spent this much money (the sum, not the gross miscalculation) then it's either a relationship or she's a fucking professional. own up bitch.
ReplySD:
ReplyThanks for pointing that out to some of cracked's less educated audience. lol Regardless of that fact, people end up with people they don't like everyday. It happens. Maybe not to me, maybe not to you. But for various reasons, it happens to different people.
The letter was hilarious. It'd be awesome to send that to some bitch.
I wish to GOD I could do this. Pay my way through college on rebounds.
Replyi'd like to ad that the total is wrong? should be 7005.00 you know with the xtra 5k for the shoulder
Reply