Temporary Boyfriend Invoice

INVOICE

March 2nd, 2006

Attn: Most Selfish Chick Ever
121 East Bitch Street, Apt 2C
New York, NY 10028

Re: Payment for Temporary Boyfriend Services Rendered

Dear Female Psychopath,

It has come to my attention that after seven weeks of dating me, you have made a swift return to your old boyfriend, whom you had previously dated for three years.

Under relationship statute #3468, your "bounce-back" action grafts on to me the classification of Temporary Boyfriend -- in which case I reserve the right to bill you for services rendered during our seven week relationship. I am exercising that right with this invoice.

As you may infer from the above, had you left me for a subsequent male -- whom you previously did not have a romantic relationship with -- then this invoice would not have validity. However that is clearly not the case, as you have indeed returned to your ex-a-hole.

Please find below an itemized account of Temporary Boyfriend services rendered, and expected payment. I have totaled at the bottom not only for your convenience, but also because you're a total fucking idiot:

Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Sangria, and whatever else you needed to cry in.)

$300.00

Food (You seemed to crave everything, except for my cock.)

$500.00

Movies (The pieces-of-shit you'd drag me to.)

$150.00

Your Birthday (That happened to fall in the seven week dating window, which sucked.)

$200.00

Valentine's Day (That happened to also fall in the seven week dating window, which really fucking sucked.)

$150.00

Morning-After Pill (Not my fault the condom broke. Was rough in there.)

$80.00

Listening to your stupid-ass stories (Time is money.)

$500.00

iTunes songs I bought for you (Your taste in music made me sick.)

$75.00

Vomit clean-up (Because your taste in music made me sick. Literally.)

$50.00

Shoulder to cry on (You still took him back. Are you fucking nuts?)

$5,000.00

$2,500,000

Please remit payment upon receipt of this invoice. Do not attempt to claim non-receipt, as surveillance equipment will confirm otherwise. I would sign off "Yours truly," however I'm clearly not truly yours. Bitch.

DOWNLOAD AND FILL OUT YOUR OWN!

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