Temporary Boyfriend Invoice

INVOICE

March 2nd, 2006

Attn: Most Selfish Chick Ever
121 East Bitch Street, Apt 2C
New York, NY 10028

Re: Payment for Temporary Boyfriend Services Rendered

Dear Female Psychopath,

It has come to my attention that after seven weeks of dating me, you have made a swift return to your old boyfriend, whom you had previously dated for three years.

Under relationship statute #3468, your "bounce-back" action grafts on to me the classification of Temporary Boyfriend -- in which case I reserve the right to bill you for services rendered during our seven week relationship. I am exercising that right with this invoice.

As you may infer from the above, had you left me for a subsequent male -- whom you previously did not have a romantic relationship with -- then this invoice would not have validity. However that is clearly not the case, as you have indeed returned to your ex-a-hole.

Please find below an itemized account of Temporary Boyfriend services rendered, and expected payment. I have totaled at the bottom not only for your convenience, but also because you're a total fucking idiot:

Alcohol (Beer, Wine, Sangria, and whatever else you needed to cry in.)	$300.00
Food (You seemed to crave everything, except for my cock.)	$500.00
Movies (The pieces-of-shit you'd drag me to.)	$150.00
Your Birthday (That happened to fall in the seven week dating window, which sucked.)	$200.00
Valentine's Day (That happened to also fall in the seven week dating window, which really fucking sucked.)	$150.00
Morning-After Pill (Not my fault the condom broke. Was rough in there.)	$80.00
Listening to your stupid-ass stories (Time is money.)	$500.00
iTunes songs I bought for you (Your taste in music made me sick.)	$75.00
Vomit clean-up (Because your taste in music made me sick. Literally.)	$50.00
Shoulder to cry on (You still took him back. Are you fucking nuts?)	$5,000.00
	$2,500,000

Please remit payment upon receipt of this invoice. Do not attempt to claim non-receipt, as surveillance equipment will confirm otherwise. I would sign off "Yours truly," however I'm clearly not truly yours. Bitch.

DOWNLOAD AND FILL OUT YOUR OWN!

16 Comments

lth0721

I saw this photo somewhere. Seems it posted on interracial dating site called mixedloving . c o m or something like this. Can't remember.

Posted on 7/11/2008 1:34:51 AM

sexybigmesexy

I am the very hot sexy girl kind! Seems more and more men have sexual drive to sexy big curvy beauties @ PlusMeet.com___, where many big boob women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek fun&love together!

Posted on 6/18/2008 10:10:16 AM

dragonblack

I wish to GOD I could do this. Pay my way through college on rebounds.

Posted on 5/26/2008 1:21:10 AM

another_version

i'd like to ad that the total is wrong? should be 7005.00 you know with the xtra 5k for the shoulder

Posted on 4/15/2008 3:28:39 AM

"I know this is just a joke, but it loses much of its humor when you realize what a loser the guy is to have put up with someone he obviously didn't like. Either he got the sex he wanted so things are even. Or he didn't, and now he's just bitter."

Yeah, or maybe, just maybe, this is a fucking joke. Duh. Perhaps the address of "Bitch Street" didn't give it away, hmm?

Not everything you read on the internet is a work of fact, genius. Sometimes people are able to make shit up in order to make themselves or others laugh.

Posted on 1/4/2008 4:33:29 AM

unknown

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Posted on 11/30/2007 4:17:26 PM

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Posted on 11/30/2007 4:13:16 PM

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Posted on 11/30/2007 4:12:56 PM

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Posted on 11/30/2007 4:11:33 PM

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Posted on 11/30/2007 4:11:20 PM

Nico

hehe, Sex is over for herpes poeple? no, STDromance.com is for herpes people

Posted on 11/19/2007 6:54:44 PM

I think it's funny - especially since the math is wrong. He probably misread her signals. Just cuz you hang out with a guy and have sex with him doesn't necessarily equate a relationship. I learned that one from my last bf of 8 months...according to him we were never dating, just 2 friends hanging out and having sex.

Posted on 11/13/2007 4:37:13 PM

come on... he's a bit sad, the bitch and her ex-a-hole will just have a good laugh at him between fucking, if he ever sent it...

Posted on 11/4/2007 2:55:31 AM

Alex

I'm with u mate chick's are the instruments of the devil and should think for a long time, possibly years, before they do anything

Posted on 10/30/2007 12:01:32 AM

Poopie B. Butterball

Have you ever been IN a relationship, Simsim? Take a chill pill dude.

Posted on 10/26/2007 12:12:00 PM

Simsim

I know this is just a joke, but it loses much of its humor when you realize what a loser the guy is to have put up with someone he obviously didn't like. Either he got the sex he wanted so things are even. Or he didn't, and now he's just bitter.

Posted on 10/23/2007 9:06:36 PM

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Temporary Boyfriend Invoice

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