Celebrity Member: Jada Pinkett-Smith
Since 2003, the wife of movie star Will Smith has been leading a double life. Most days, she's either acting sassy in a mediocre mid-budget movie or parading her disproportionately large biceps down a red carpet. But on very rare occasions, she runs around screaming in agony like someone just shoved red-hot poker up her eye socket as a hilarious practical joke. Surprisingly, she found four other non-musicians to follow her around and violently molest instruments as she red-hot-poker-yells into a microphone. Nobody knows what made the seemingly sweet Jada turn to death metal, but we're guessing that starring alongside Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor had something to do with it. That dude's a dick.
Celebrity Member: Dennis Quaid
The Sharks (or as they're known in the biz, "The Band That Was Named by an 8-Year-Old Boy") are fronted by Dennis Quaid, brother of comedy super-legend Randy Quaid. Fun fact: Dennis Quaid is a grown man who finds it acceptable to wear a Texas Longhorns baseball jersey on stage. There's not much to say about The Sharks other than the fact that, well, they aren't very good. Oh, and that Dennis Quaid might be an 8-year-old boy caught in a man's body.
Celebrity Member: Jared Leto
Remember when Jared Leto starred in whiny me-fest My So-Called Life and you wanted to magically jump into the screen and elbow his nose through the back of his skull like that scene in A History of Violence? That's exactly what happens when you watch one of this pompous, make-up-wearing slapdick's "music" "videos." To showcase this band's non-abilities, we decided to go with their Shining-esque video for "The Kill," a song that chronicles the band's trip to an abandoned hotel, in which they make love to each other for days on end, presumably.
Celebrity Member: Russell Crowe
Man, fuck you, Russell Crowe.