The 10 Worst Celebrity Bands
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What is it that makes celebrity bands so incomprehensibly bad? One popular theory states that there's only so much room for artistic talent in a person, and that these celebs' highly developed primary talents simply leave no room for musical talent. On the other hand, the CRACKED Theory of Celebrity Bands holds that these conceited assclowns started performing only to satisfy their crippling need for attention. Whatever theory you subscribe to, there's one thing we can all agree on: The following 10 performers should throw all of their musical equipment into a wood chipper. #10.
Juliette and the Licks
Celebrity Member: Juliette Lewis This band almost doesn't suck, and this little diddy below is a perfect example. It kicks off with a swell-looking dame in tit-hugging spandex screaming about how she street-fights people-file that under "pretty motherfucking sweet." But then comes the chorus, and like Juliette Lewis' career around 2001, everything falls apart. Not only does she rhyme the central phrase "it's a mad, mad world" with the equally stupid "it's a mad, mad girl," but the tune sounds roughly like this time a kid we knew in fourth grade broke his leg playing kickball. So while this song's chorus is enough to condemn them, Juliette and the Licks get some credit for laying down 25 seconds of acceptable song before the contrived ego-boosting bullshit kicks in.
#9.
The Bacon Brothers
Celebrity Member: Kevin Bacon Here is why The Bacon Brothers eat shit (musical shit, that is): Kevin Bacon's brother is in the band. (He's very, very bad.) Ironically, if this band consisted of just KB and a backing band (possible name: Kevin Bacon and the Eggz), it'd be more than palatable. Who knew that the star of classic action-thriller Footloose could sing? Well, besides his less attractive, less talented brother? #8.
Billy Bob Thornton
Celebrity Member: Billy Bob Thornton Wrapping up the "Celebrity Bands That Don't Completely Blow" portion of our list is William Robert Thornton, who's released four albums in the last decade. BBT has some kind-of-okay chops, but there's one significant problem: the man consistently sounds like he's taking a difficult mid-song dump. And judging from some of his past behavior (and the way he just generally seems like a lowlife sexual deviant), he very well may be. Which, of course, is a major problem for a musician (and his audience). |
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omgmonkey: find bridge - jump off.
But seriously, this whole untalented black people doing "metal" is by far the worse thing on the list. The fact that this is what Will Smith's wife is up to while he's being a billionaire scientologist... holy crap. He basically married that annoying singer from rage against the machine.
why is 30 seconds to mars on here there awesome
k, as far as terrible celebrities just trying to get into the music biz goes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
this destroys me as a star trek fan and a tolkien fan all in one blow.
And not cool about the bass being a supporting role at best. Bass f*****g rocks!!
WTF?!? 30 Seconds To Mars is f*****g awesome!!
I failed on the last one. I am typing this comment from my laptop, because I threw my desktop computer out of my second-story window.
I meant "bandied" not "bandies"...
but, um, yeah! Take that America!
I have to agree with likeviolence311 on this one. I have read the term "death metal" on this site in relation to a few bands and I'm starting to wonder if you guys actually know it's a style of music or think it's just a cool sounding way of describing something that sucks (actually that would be the case for most real death metal bands). Even in American movies and TV shows the term is bandies about used to describe thrash bands, hardcore bands and anything that has distorted guitars that happened after the millenium.
Has real death not made it across the Atlantic yet or are Americans actually as dumb as the rest of the world thinks they are?
Every time I see a picture of Jared Leto I cant help but picture that scene from Fight Club where Edward Norton is beating the living s**t out of him.
Jada reminds me of that episode of Home Movies where they're singing Freaky Outy. Total crap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmiO8HSwdpY
Dont get a million bucks for getting out of bed
Dont get a million fucks when i punch folks in the head
But even if we know we never get a billboard top 10 hit.
Atleast we know russell crowe's bands a f****n pile of s**t.
Frenzal Rhomb circa about 2001 i think
The tragedy about Honky Tonk Confidential is that, pre-Schieffer, they were a truly excellent country band. They have three CDs out that prove this.
honorable mention goes to steven segal.
oh and i give credit to jada pinkett cuz she coulda just laid down and done some good old fashion middle school friendly white suburban mom rap like her husband did.
jada pinkett smith's band is about as "death metal" as bruce willis is blusey. she sounds like and looks like shes trying to imitate serj tankian from system of a down.
if you want death metal, look up the band white chapel and compare that to smith's band.
Anyone there want to chat with me on music? Let's mingle here at ukinterracialmatch.com_______, where many black and white singles meet and seek fun&love together! U will not be disappointed!
Yes, 30 Seconds to Mars IS THAT BAD. Not only are they crappy... but they are even crappy for EMO. Which takes a whole new level of suck it's almost inconceivable.
Good lord, Bob Schieffer. Usually when people impersonate Johnny Cash they can at least KINDA sing.
30 Seconds to Mars is actually not bad.
I like Paris Hilton as a model better than as a singer. She's not that that bad. But wait, what the heck is this Raspberry & Lavender: Diaries of a lavender girl stuff? am I missing something exciting?
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Wicked Wisdom's song is a complete f*****g ripoff of Alice in Chains's Man in The Box. Play Man in The Box on YouTube and Wicked Wisdom here--the tunes, almost perfectly, synch and the singer is using the same style! It was almost as much of a ripoff as Viva La Vida was of Put 'Em on The Glass! Man in The Box, however, is a great song, while Wicked Wisdom's song is a pile of s**t!