3. Out For Justice
Fight: Gino Felino (Steven Seagal) vs. Richie Madano (William Forsythe)
First things first, Seagal’s name in Out For Justice
is Gino Felino. (Gino Felino!) His quest throughout the movie is to kill his childhood friend Richie Madano because Richie killed the third member of their childhood trio, Bobby Lupo. We swear to God we didn’t make up any of those names, and in case you haven’t picked up on it yet, the director wants you to know that these guys are supposed to be Italian.
Seagal spends the first 80-plus minutes slicing through a sea of Richie's street toughs in typical Seagal fashion, handing out compound fractures like a Chinese lady handing out free Szechuan Chicken samples at a mall food court (yes, that simile has been copyrighted).
Once he gets to Ritchie, the only real suspense is how he’s going to kill him. Of course, rather than spending their energy devising a cool stunt in which Seagal stabs Ritchie through the heart with his own femur, the filmmakers dawdle through a completely drawn out fistfight that brings even more attention to the fact that there’s no way that an overweight middle-aged man would last more than three seconds in the ring with Gino Felino. Good lord, that name is just fun to write.
Quick Note About William Forsythe: the above picture, which looks like it was taken on the set of the film, was actually taken last year at the Sundance Film Festival, so Forsythe has apparently decided to live out the rest of his days looking like a ridiculous villain from a Steven Seagal film, which we really can’t argue with. Good choice, Will. Also of note, William Forsythe got invited to the Sundance Film Festival.