The story follows Tommy Riley's rise through the seedy world of some strange boxing-like sport that's illegal for some reason. After beating his final opponent, you think the movie's over, but instead Riley goes on to fight the same guy who played Chris Farley's dad in Tommy Boy, who we think is supposed to be an evil trainer or something. To get an idea of just how mind blowingly strange this turn of events is, imagine if after Rocky beat Ivan Drago at the end of Rocky IV, there was a 20-minute scene in which he fought Drago's 65-year-old boxing trainer.
The highlight of the final fight has to be the tankini that Dennehy is sporting, though it just barely beats out the part where Dennehy punches Riley in the balls. You've got to hand it to the filmmakers, no one saw that ending coming.
3. Out For Justice
Fight: Gino Felino (Steven Seagal) vs. Richie Madano (William Forsythe)
First things first, Seagal's name in Out For Justice is Gino Felino. (Gino Felino!) His quest throughout the movie is to kill his childhood friend Richie Madano because Richie killed the third member of their childhood trio, Bobby Lupo. We swear to God we didn't make up any of those names, and in case you haven't picked up on it yet, the director wants you to know that these guys are supposed to be Italian.
Seagal spends the first 80-plus minutes slicing through a sea of Richie's street toughs in typical Seagal fashion, handing out compound fractures like a Chinese lady handing out free Szechuan Chicken samples at a mall food court (yes, that simile has been copyrighted).
Once he gets to Ritchie, the only real suspense is how he's going to kill him. Of course, rather than spending their energy devising a cool stunt in which Seagal stabs Ritchie through the heart with his own femur, the filmmakers dawdle through a completely drawn out fistfight that brings even more attention to the fact that there's no way that an overweight middle-aged man would last more than three seconds in the ring with Gino Felino. Good lord, that name is just fun to write.